Suspects are three males in a white stretch limo. Alabama kicker Leigh Tiffin was assaulted by three men from behind. Um, three men assaulted, and they happened to do their damage hitting him from the back. Wait: a few guys attacked Leigh Tiffin from the rear. This isn’t working, dammit–read this, and then look at LSUFreek’s exclusive footage of the incident, as captured on security camera.

Nick Saban, validated. Nick Saban, October 2007:

“The distribution of players is not the same for everybody,” he told the News. “There’s a significant amount of players who don’t qualify (at some schools) and they end up being pretty good players at some other schools. I think there are six guys starting on South Florida’s defense who probably could have gone to Florida or Florida State but Florida and Florida State couldn’t take them. And if you do a good job of recruiting that way …”

From TBO.com today:

TAMPA – The University of South Florida’s football program has the nation’s worst Academic Progress Report (APR) among BCS conference schools.

Ole Miss will also lose three scholarships from the L’Age d’Orgeron for its own academic foibles, something Houston Nutt plans to solve by pointing at three walk-ons and shouting SPELLBIND!!!! while staring with a spectral intensity in their direction.

They’ll miss Gameday and…that’s about it. BYU takes ESPN off its cable slate, explaining the move was a cost-related cut as ESPN doubled the cost of their in-dorm cable package, and not even a recent hefty contribution by Weber Gaming to the university could offset it.

“It could be worse.” Tyson Gentry, the walk-on Buckeye paralyzed from the waist-down following a practice hit, makes you feel like a tiny cockroach of a person for complaining about your computer running slowly or a particularly weak cup of coffee:

Things are really put into perspective when you’re life is changed like this, and when I was in the hospital, seeing people with brain injuries or spinal cord injuries worse than mine really made me appreciate what I have. I mean yea, it sucks being in a wheelchair, and I wish I wasn’t in a wheelchair, but at the same time there’s still people that have it way worse than I do and I try to keep that in mind.

Read the whole thing here, and then attempt to resume complaining about other drivers while attempting to compose emails on your iPhone on a narrow two-lane residential road. (Three fingers pointing back.)