COULD A MAN THIS CHARMING BE DRUNK?

by Orson on May 6, 2009 12:52 PM EDT

Could a man capable of framing his handsome face so magnificently in the dingy light of mug shot be guilty of DUI? Can such a gentlemanly pose be that of a tipsy freewheeling menace to public safety? This photo of Idaho defensive coordinator Mark Criner, arrested early Monday in Ada County, Idaho for DUI, should further reinforce the universal need to dress at all times like a GENTLEMAN OF THE FINER AVENUES if you plan to break either civil or criminal codes in pursuit of your vital pleasures. If you doubt this, just put an ascot and smart dinner jacket on Criner in your imagination, and look again: that's how you go from "obviously guilty" to "not guilty" in a single smart wardrobe decision. Jack the Ripper got away with it by looking good, as no man in a top hat can be guilty of any crime. (How many people in ties do you see on the Smoking Gun's mugshot page? Our point precisely.)

Criner is suspended pending the outcome of the criminal case. He blew a .127, a fair step into "good 'un drunk." For this, he earns the Idaho Vandals three points in the Fulmer Cup: two for the economy-grade DUI, and one bonus point for being a coach whose mugshot ended up on the internet, no matter how suave said mugshot may be.

(Oh, yes, we saw this. Working on it now in semi-serious fashion, as it's not the easy kick in the balls we'd love to administer .)

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I’m guessing those rosy cheeks were what gave him away to the arresting officer.

Even the most charming visage can’t conceal the permanent blush caused by one too many Jack-and-Cokes.

by CincySooner on May 6, 2009 1:00 PM EDT reply actions

Coaches get Fulmer Cup points too? Is this a new rule, or just one that has hardly ever come up in the past year and a half?

by SpartanDan on May 6, 2009 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

It’s hardly ever come up, Dan. The last one was Florida’s TE Coach, who got popped for DUI when he was working at Syracuse (shouldn’t have counted, since the entire Syracuse coaching staff should have been drinking heavily.)

by Orson Swindle on May 6, 2009 1:13 PM EDT up reply actions

.127 is okay, but he’s no David Hasselhoff.

by dc trojan on May 6, 2009 1:11 PM EDT reply actions

As for the Vols/Hood matter, if Coach O can be given a second chance (when he committed offenses as an ADULT), how in the hell can you NOT give a second chance to a kid who has – by everyone’s account – turned his life around?

by hobeg8r on May 6, 2009 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Did UCLA get points in 2007 when WR coach Eric Scott was arrested for burglary?

by hobeg8r on May 6, 2009 1:23 PM EDT reply actions

So THAT’S what Mr. Brosnan has been doing since losing the role of playing James Bond to a German.

You’d think that Q would set Pierce up with a car that automatically took the driver’s blood-alcohol level and switched to autopilot prior to putting the vehicle into gear, or at the very least, a phone number for a Boise-area cab company.

by MiseanAUFan on May 6, 2009 1:25 PM EDT reply actions