CURIOUS INDEX, 4/29/09

Sidewalk ain't for fancy walkin'. Reassuring everyone about concerns over his age, Monte Kiffin got back surgery recently. Not to worry: Jasper was back in the office the next day, both because he's tough like that, and because Junior wouldn't give him the pills that make the hurt stop if he didn't get his Jurassic ass in the office immediately.

Bloggers? Oh it's on, snatchface. A paper by the Division I-A Faculty Athletics Representative, an organization we have not heard of prior to this, opposes the expansion of the college football season, and blames the following for overhyping a potential playoff:

"reporters, bloggers, legislators, and even the President of the United States."

Oh, it's on faculty members. First, you're always 15 minutes late for office hours--without fail. Second, you obviously have something semi-inappropriate going on with Miss Chesterfield in the second row/ Captain Pantschampion in the third. Third, you shall cooperate, because the professional franchise of college football shall kick back money, keep its athletes in gimme majors, and thus keep itself to a minimal inconvenience whilst padding the coffers. Now, please go back to lecturing while wondering if you'll ever finish that novel. The one about your childhood, right, and the ever-so-unique smell of the daffodils which was unlike anything ever? Everyone will want to read that.

HUMMAH. Ed Orgeron is stabbing himself with piece of beef jerky over not thinking of this first.

Considering how the first one's been lately, well, sure go ahead. Blutarsky adds to the demolition of the idea of a second neutral site game for Georgia. The rules for a neutral site game are simple: play it in an interesting venue or city, make sure you get the damn thing on national television, and make it interesting. We support the college football edition of an Outdoor Classic: a game played in as simple and rustic a situation as possible between two mid-rank teams working with old equipment, old bands, and everyone dressing up in flapper gear. Get Andre Benjamin's clothing line to sponsor the whole thing, brew some sketchy, sight-destroying bathtub hooch, get in the jalopy, and insist both teams run the single wing or some such other ancient offense.

It's never too early......to predict that Dan Snyder will snatch at shiny things, even if they're your precious shiny things.