OFFICIALLY THE PISTOL-WHIPPIN'-EST FULMER CUPDATE EVER

by Orson on Apr 27, 2009 11:49 AM EDT

We don't make many promises, but we'll make one right now: you will never, ever, ever see a Fulmer Cupdate on this website containing more pistol-whipping per square pixel than this one. Ever. If there is one, we'll shut down the site forever.

This is Trent Pupello three years ago when he entered the University of Florida as a well-regarded freshman tight end prospect. Golden locks, as-a if he had-a just descended from the-a snowcapped hills of Tyrolia! Glowing-a smile, as-a if his a-mama had just-a called the Trent Pupello, wishing him a-good luck at school, and a donn'a forget to washa the cracky parts of the body special hard! Ah, youth-a!

Almost reminiscent of a young Lisa Kudrow with a penis, really. Beauty incarnate, and a trouble-free type at Florida. Now, after the jump, please see what the city of Tampa does to a man.

AHHHHHHH! The hair, she is so lank and frizzy! The face, she has sprouted barnacles. Clearly shooters and late nights pounding Hungry Howie's, iss not soo good for the self. Tampa will make a man angry after a while, even if you attempt to dull the pain by hanging out at the Hut Channelside, home of bikini bullriding and the most creative appetizers in Tampa Bay. ("Glass-encrusted fried calamari! Carpet-foam stuffed peppers! All by head chef Montrey Dada, the acclaimed creator of the thrice-fried lawnchair.")

Pupello was involved in a fight in the parking lot of "The Hut" on April 10th. He finished it, too.

On Apr. 10, police say, about 15 people including Pupello were involved in a fight about 2:50 a.m. in the parking lot of The Hut at Channelside.

Pupello broke away, got a handgun from his 2005 GMC Denali vehicle and ran back toward the crowd, firing in the air several times, police say.

He pistol-whipped three people, causing a bump to one, bruises and cuts to another and breaking the left orbital socket of a third person, police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said. Before he left the scene, he also tried swinging at another person but missed, McElroy said.

That's three pistol-whippings in quick order, all done so quickly it's hard to think the USF player--out for the season with a neck injury--didn't spend his rehab time watching Good Fellas for technique tips and practicing his pistolwhip form. Shooting in the air is really just extra vittles here, and further proof that when dealing with Tampans, it's best to skip the pleasantries and get right down to their preferred book of etiquette, the"Baghdad Guide to Etiquette and Traffic Safety."

Pupello faces five felony charges for this outrageous display of primate aggression. In addition, we're throwing on two points for PISTOL WHIPPING THREE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF A CROWD OF TERRIFIED WITNESSES, and for pistol-whipping someone in the first place. (You never hear of other weapon-specific misuse crimes like "sword-shooting," "club-stabbing," or "ax-poisoning." That is: not yet, since Florida does have to go to LSU this year.)

That is a total of seventeen points for USF, who is ineligible for first place right now because Pupello is the only person to incur points on the Bulls. This by rule is an Ellis T. Jones Award nominee pending future arrests for the Bulls, albeit as spectacular a single case as we've seen in a row. Remember, when someone in the 813 says they're going to their car to get their pistol, they mean it--unless they're too drunk to get back to their car at all, in which case they're going to pass out in the median and wake up in front of Mons Venus. Again.

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Comments

Goodfellas was on AMCHD on Friday night, great movie, but mediocre when edited.

by fife in the bay on Apr 27, 2009 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

This is going to be like WVU when Leavitt claims he wasn’t officially on the squad.

by hobeg8r on Apr 27, 2009 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Lisa Kudrow and his penis take exception to your comparison.

by Jack Fact on Apr 27, 2009 12:13 PM EDT reply actions

This could’ve been straight out of a Tim Dorsey novel

by T on Apr 27, 2009 12:13 PM EDT reply actions

who gets a “bump” from a pistol whip? robocop? i guess tampa’s version of robocop would just stand idly by while this happened and hope somebody dropped a wallet.

by brady quinn medicine woman on Apr 27, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

All this was done to a Jan Hammer soundtrack.

by BurritoBrosShits on Apr 27, 2009 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

And to think all you had to do to prevent this was to hire Dalton from Roadhouse. He is the best after all…

by BurritoBrosShits on Apr 27, 2009 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

Kudos to Pupello for exploring the many creative uses of a firearm. Firing bullets into the air to intimidate people? Savagely beating someone with the object itself? There’s so many more things you can do with a gun than just shooting someone with it.

by Doug on Apr 27, 2009 12:27 PM EDT reply actions

The people that own this joint also own John’s Pass in Madeira? Ouch. Love to watch the channel traffic & the herons begging for the detritus from someone’s catch being filleted.

They should have stuck to their guns like Ted Peters’. As Honey Pie sez, Pinellas & Hillsbourough Counties are as different as day & night.

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 27, 2009 12:33 PM EDT reply actions

Firing a pistol in the air in the parking lot is a good way to get shot in the chest and head multiple times.

Just in case anyone thinks they’re going to calm things down that way.

by Not the Mama on Apr 27, 2009 12:35 PM EDT reply actions

Just when I was growing quite concerned that Fulmer Cup season was going to go out with a mere wimper… Thank you Trent for showing the way…

Oh and where the FUCK is Carl Johnson?!?!? Gator homer!

by skinnyphatman on Apr 27, 2009 12:48 PM EDT reply actions

“This is Trent Pupello three years ago when he entered the University of Florida…”

So…confused…

by Anon on Apr 27, 2009 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

You need to round out his “evolution” with his Tampa mugshot:

http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.asp?/Online/FULLPHOTO/URL?bn=09022920&name=PUPELLO,TRENT%20J&race=W&vex=ZGGYG%3CYYG%3CGZ

by MugMaster on Apr 27, 2009 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

I keep praying it’s Wednesday so that I can see O/S put up his Mustache Wednesday tribute to Bea Arthur.

by Geaux Irish on Apr 27, 2009 12:55 PM EDT reply actions

Where is the Cupdate for the Gator that was just arrested for a felony???

http://www.collegefootballtalk.com/2009/04/26/gator-rb-booked-on-felony-burglary-charge/

by concerned citizen on Apr 27, 2009 1:10 PM EDT reply actions

Our motto in Tampa is go big or go home!

I actually think he was just lobbying for Leavitt to use the run and shoot offense so he could get more touches.

by Bull-ogna on Apr 27, 2009 1:22 PM EDT reply actions

whatever happenned to the good ole days when one would just creepily follow a female staffmenber home after the bar closed?

by jd on Apr 27, 2009 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

“sword shooting”? “club stabbing”? “ax poisoning”? Cheese and Rice Orson, I had to wipe tears from my cheeks after those. These will go into my “obviously stolen phrases” list, where I will get a bunch of drunk friends falling on the floor laughing………thank you for the future life of the party gift you have given me.

by justanotherbuckeye on Apr 27, 2009 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

How is all of this possible without an alcohol related offense thrown in for good measure? WTF, are the Tampa police that incompetent?

by Crabapple Buck on Apr 27, 2009 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

Here’s a journalism tip for all the boys and girls out there: they don’t usually mention your dad’s name and his business interests in a news article unless there’s a reason, like… oh I don’t know say suspected mob activity. And Yosemite Trent’s brother also likes to a playa witha the fire-arms? Be careful who you fck with at 3 am in a parking lot. Jus’ sayin.

by Flatlander on Apr 27, 2009 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

At his arraignment, Pupello told the judge:

“To the fans and everyone in the Bulls Nation, I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry. I was hoping to have an undefeated fight, and to hopefully pistol whip someone to death. That was my goal, something no bikini wearing bull rider has ever done here.

I promise you one thing—a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any thug in the entire country pistol whip as hard as I will the rest of this season. You will not see anyone punch as hard as I will punch everybody the rest of the season. In the face, with a pistol.

You will never see a pistol whippin’ bastard whip harder than I will this season. I will never whiff on the fourth person again. God bless."

What is it with these speeches in Florida?

by RaginCajunRebel on Apr 27, 2009 2:08 PM EDT reply actions

#11

The Fulmer Cup season is, in fact, accumulating quite a load of points. A quick look at the FC Processing station ( http://www.sportsargumentwiki.com/index.php?title=Fulmer_Cup_Processing_Station ) will reveal that this years’ student-athlete-hoodlums are keeping pace with expected points projections. I think issue is that the Queen of Hearts hasn’t caught up with all the paperwork.

by CincySooner on Apr 27, 2009 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

I’m suprised that I’m the first to bring this up but isn’t he ineligible?

http://blogs.tampabay.com/usf/2009/04/te-pupello-arrested-on-felony-charges.html

Not that I am going to argue this point vehemently. I don’t want no trouble. (i.e. pistol whippin’, sword shootin’, club stabbin’, or axe poisoning.)

by JIMatUA on Apr 27, 2009 2:28 PM EDT reply actions

Nevermind. If he was listed on the roster and then removed the same night he got arrested then it definitely counts.

/Stands with head down, mumbling “I’ll take the club stabbin’ please”

by JIMatUA on Apr 27, 2009 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

Something about this doesn’t make sense. He goes to the car, gets his gun, and starts firing rounds in the air as he approaches the crowd. Why doesn’t everybody RUN? Right?

by Jdizzle on Apr 27, 2009 2:44 PM EDT reply actions

I’m not sure which I’m more proud of: USF cracking the AP top 10 two years in a row, or picking up 17 Fulmer Cup points in one fell swoop. Yes, this program has now truly arrived.

by JD on Apr 27, 2009 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

@JD: I thought the same thing. I am somehow sickly proud.

by Curtis on Apr 27, 2009 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

- The crowd apparently thought that Pupello’s SHIT WAS WEAK, SON! Unless you’re packing something harder than a .38, take your little pellet gun and go home!

… the crowd was wrong.

by Limedust on Apr 27, 2009 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

Trent Pupello was beautiful once…

The difference in the 2 pictures of this guy really shows why I appreciate the airbrushing of photos in general, and the airbrushing of photos in my Playboy magazines in particular.

by www.southbendblarney.com on Apr 27, 2009 4:19 PM EDT reply actions

As Cincy Sooner points out, this has been an active year according to the board. I would also remind you that Fulmer Cup halftime is Friday. Mr. Pupello has done the equivalent of scoring in the last minute, yet leaving time to march down the field for a quick score or return a kick back.

After Friday, only 4 months before REAL FOOTBALL begins!!!

Thanks to Orson and Holly for keeping us entertained in the long offseason.

by Crabapple Buck on Apr 27, 2009 5:43 PM EDT reply actions

Trent was the songbird of our generation. Sometimes good gators go bad.

There are no innocent bystanders at 2:50am in Tampa. Pistol whip them all.

I only wish that this event took place the Applebee’s in Tarpon Springs.

by IM A MAN IM FORTY on Apr 27, 2009 8:58 PM EDT reply actions

This would have been perfect had it happened in Ybor.
He would be the product of an orgy with Slightly Stoopid and Fabio.
White guys with guns that listen to rasta music? Whats the world coming to?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Apr 27, 2009 9:29 PM EDT reply actions

@#11
“Oh and where the FUCK is Carl Johnson?!?!? Gator homer!”

Charges were dismissed for lying bitch….. I mean lack of evidence

by Wolf on Apr 28, 2009 2:23 AM EDT reply actions

I’m sorry I keep playing out the incident in my mind and all I can come up with is the scene from Monty Python’s Search for the Holy Grail where John Cleese crashes the wedding and starts stabbing everyone…

… Only its this Fabio-clone running around cracking everyone in the back of the head with the butt of his gun.

by CincySooner on Apr 28, 2009 8:40 AM EDT reply actions

I am pretty sure that this behavior is how you greet all crowds in Tampa, like when you walk into a saloon in a new town, with guns blazing into the air, you need to show ‘em who’s the boss…… The only way that pic gets any better is putting a Yosemite Sam mustache on his face.
Are we sure that Martin Scorsese isn’t behind this?
Stuff like this is a good reason everyone needs to learn Krav Maga.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Apr 28, 2009 10:15 AM EDT reply actions

wolf @#33…that was funny…

by sb on Apr 28, 2009 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

Yep. That’s how we roll in the big guava.
You’re all on fucking notice.

by jdub on Apr 28, 2009 1:27 PM EDT reply actions

L M A O. You can turn a phrase. It really probably is not his fault. They set these kids up to knock em down. You’d have to live here. I don’t know him don’t know for sure. Just reading between the lines. fifteen to one is a possibility?? maybe saving a friend ?? don’t know.

by voxy on Apr 30, 2009 11:40 AM EDT reply actions