OBAMA GETS GATOR JERSEY SMELLING FAINTLY OF WEED
by Orson on Apr 24, 2009 2:06 PM EDT
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One nice thing about the Presidential visits made by college football's title holders to the White House? If memory serves us correctly, the red peppers of Konami province are among the sweetest and tastiest around. We're sorry, Iron Chef's on in the background. If memory serves us, both Presidents Bush and Obama made sure to thank the trainers and little people who make programs run, and that's always a nice fuzzy tummy rub to get from the chief executive of this badass corn-fed machine-gun sex-missile of a country we have.
He did say he'd prefer a playoff, but save your outrage for something serious, because outrage is so fucking cheap.
Splutter is so much better spent on things that matter, like on the coffee table that you stubbed your toe on this morning, or on that fucking fuck driving too slow/too fast/just existing in front of you being old/sporting a lame bumpersticker/driving a car you find contemptible when you have somewhere very important to be (like Chik-Fil-A. That's important and do not argue this)
It's emotional junk food for the subretarded regardless of political affiliation. Rage is best spent on furniture, video game controllers, and on the most important thing ever, college football. After all, the last President who knew dick about X's and O's was Dick Nixon, a man who shared a mutual admiration with Vince Lombardi, dropped strategy on Don Shula before the Super Bowl, and who ran a nice end-around on both parties by going to China.
(He also was unafraid of the long bomb in Laos and Cambodia and lost his job after losing control of players and being too aggressive in scouting the opposition. Like Switzer in bowling pants, really.)
What the President thinks about college football is irrelevant, especially since he went to Harvard. We'll start listening to the White House on college football when President Carroll wins the 2016 election on the Win Forever ticket with Will Ferrell as VP. He'll walk down Pennsylvania Avenue with a SuperSoaker full of Sex on the Beach in his skivvies. Mark our words.
(Please note that the jersey is Percy Harvin's jersey. Put it over your head and breathe for five minutes and you'll get a wicked contact high. Oh, and you can redistribute up to 19 points on the margins from Florida to Georgia in the 49-10 final of this year's game. Take it, we can afford it: even in that scheme you still come up short by a point, though we definitely prefer the free-market genius of annihilating a rival by 39 points and letting it stand that way. BRANDON SPIKES IS HERE ALL DAY IF YOU WANNA PLAY, BOY.)
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congrats to the Gators…. nice to see the victors enjoying the spoils of semi-war
just wish TN could win just for the imagined visit by Coach O to the White House
by WarChiziken on Apr 24, 2009 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
There is no sweeter taste that the bitter tears of a Georgia fan after a crushing rivalry loss. Hell, I tasted them in my living room in New York last November.
by GTSteve on Apr 24, 2009 2:22 PM EDT reply actions
Solid work, but I feel like Gerald Ford knew a fair piece more about football than some Whittier College chump.
by now_a_hoo on Apr 24, 2009 2:31 PM EDT reply actions
True. Ford probably did his fair bit of free gridiron consulting. Kennedy was an expert on touch football, though he seemed to be weak on protection schemes in the end HEY-OOOOOOHHHH.
by Orson Swindle on Apr 24, 2009 2:35 PM EDT reply actions
GTSteve at 2:
The 1940’s called. They want their offense back.
Total burn.
by Jason on Apr 24, 2009 3:09 PM EDT reply actions
Who photoshopped that giant cyclops into the background? Wait a minute — that thing is real? Run, President Obama, it’s coming to get you!
by Double Eagle on Apr 24, 2009 3:13 PM EDT reply actions
Fuck Dick Nixon. 1977. Not that I’m bitter or anything (Bama fans, you know what I’m talking about)
by bamagreg on Apr 24, 2009 3:24 PM EDT reply actions
At least W didn’t stare at the football like he’d never seen one that close before.
by zzgator on Apr 24, 2009 3:48 PM EDT reply actions
"It’s emotional junk food for the subretarded regardless of political affiliation. "
You know you could have just as easily saved this line for some late season ESPN MAC Matchup next season.
And just remember Swindle, certain Georgia fans are looking forward to Tebow/Harvin leaving the way some factions around the world look forward to the UN peacekeepers leaving.
/totally unsubstantiated threat of football genocide.
by MaconDawg on Apr 24, 2009 3:55 PM EDT reply actions
If memory serves, I remember reading a story about Nixon giving Redskins Coach George Allen (a big Nixon supporter, and father of Senator Macaca) some convoluted offensive play for him run. Being a loyal supporter, he inserted the play into a game and promptly lost 15 yds. I assume there’s a moral in there somewhere.
by ben hill gryphon on Apr 24, 2009 4:05 PM EDT reply actions
Sir —
Grab some old Oklahoma highlights off YouTube and confirm for yourself that Barry Switzer was, in fact, “Switzer in bowling pants.”
Best regards, etc.
DG
by DevilGrad on Apr 24, 2009 4:14 PM EDT reply actions
The last President that knew anything about football was Eisenhower. Back in 1912 Army played some upstart school by the name of Carlisle and some guy named Jim Thorpe. Army lost 27-6 and Eisenhower injured himself trying to tackle Thorpe. From what I hear this Eisenhower fellow also had a pretty good military record…
by Anonymous IV on Apr 24, 2009 4:21 PM EDT reply actions
Why the gratuitous expletives in your existential rants?
by DomeSweetDome on Apr 24, 2009 4:29 PM EDT reply actions
Because that’s what our existential rants sound like.
by Orson Swindle on Apr 24, 2009 4:46 PM EDT up reply actions
Between the cross-eyed, buck-toothed meathead in the back left, the sleepy Down syndrome guy on the far right and the assorted smirks and confused gazes, this looks more like a photo of Special Olympics day at the White House.
by twogreattastes on Apr 24, 2009 5:57 PM EDT reply actions
#18, that is just the result of the delayed reaction to concussions.
by Anonymous IV on Apr 24, 2009 6:33 PM EDT reply actions
AP-The Florida Gator visited the White House, and President Obama promised some changes were coming. "I know, Florida has been on top for the past couple of years, so to make it fair for everyone, since they score so many points and there are many teams that do not, we are gonna give Florida a “Point Tax”. For every 6 points Florida scores, the other team will be awarded 2 points. “We cannot, and will not, let the rich get richer while the poor get poorer. Spread the points around, make everyone feel good. Florida’s offense is so good, they won’t even miss those points. Especially versus smaller, weaker opponents like the Citadel, Tenn and Georgia.” Tim Tebow is in favor, because, shucks, he is Football Jesus, and he can make you feel good just because.
“So instead of the score being 66-0 vs Tenn at halftime, it will be 66-22. That is more respectable and there isn’t such a disparity in the ‘wealth of points’ column” said Tim Tebow ,“plus, we dont want those guys trying to quit on us either, keeps it fun for everyone.”
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Apr 24, 2009 7:43 PM EDT reply actions
It’s just that it overshadows some really funny stuff…and good writing.
by DomeSweetDome on Apr 24, 2009 7:49 PM EDT reply actions
#2
Hope that taste gets you through the next 7 years.
by NRBQ on Apr 24, 2009 9:05 PM EDT reply actions
“After all, the last President who knew dick about X’s and O’s was Dick Nixon, a man who shared a mutual admiration with Vince Lombardi, dropped strategy on Don Shula before the Super Bowl, and who ran a nice end-around on both parties by going to China.”
Even Hunter S Thompson, who hated Nixon (maybe not as much as he hated Humphrey, but still), greatly admired Trricky Dick’s love of the gridiron:
(From wikipedia entry of “Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, ’72”):
“Thompson’s hatred of Richard Nixon is on display throughout – in diatribes on policy, as well as personal invective directed at Nixon and his inner circle. Despite this, Thompson humanizes the incumbent through several episodes, including recounting a private interview with Nixon in New Hampshire during the 1968 presidential election that largely focused on their mutual fascination with football. In later years and articles, Thompson recounted his amazement that Nixon wasn’t just talking about football but that he seemed to have a “genuine interest” in the game, and often cited the encounter as further evidence of how Nixon’s every public maneuver was politically calculated even if it hid his true self."
by MiseanAUFan on Apr 25, 2009 10:17 AM EDT reply actions
Enjoy your chuckles this offseason, Swindle. I remember being quite confidant that we’d beat that ass this year as well. Don’t get your hopes up, we’re solid gold against defending national champions (see our 2-0 record vs. UF following titles).
by Blackertai on Apr 25, 2009 12:26 PM EDT reply actions
“What the President thinks about college football is irrelevant, especially since he went to Harvard.”
Harvard Law School, he went to Columbia for undergrad and their infamous losing streak started the season after his graduation.
by John on Apr 25, 2009 1:12 PM EDT reply actions
(yes, this thread is long over and I don’t care)
Anonymous IV- Ford was an All-American at Michigan. That doesn’t take anything away from Eisenhower, but realize that 1961 was well before 1977.
by now_a_hoo on Apr 25, 2009 2:32 PM EDT reply actions
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