BLOGTOBERFEST: BECAUSE THERE ARE SIX SEMI-INTERESTING THINGS HERE

by Orson on Apr 23, 2009 4:11 PM EDT

Trev Alberts is thumping his way out of town. For a giant, he travels on tiptoe feet: we hardly heard him leave town for his new job as the athletic director at University of Nebraska-Omaha. Good luck to a man who has taken numerous flying elbows to the face from EDSBS with good cheer and a shrug of his huge shoulders. Step wherever you like--it's Nebraska, and there ain't no one down there.

We clearly rule the Awesome America. You might think this is an electoral map of the 2004 Presidential Election, but it's clearly proof Barkevious Mingo rules over only the Awesome America. (California excepted: we'd like to convert them, but apparently dirigibles use ridiculous amounts of gas, and are therefore not in step with California's green leanings.)
Barkevious is ahead by a sliver, but we brook no wins by field goal: finish the drill and vote for MINGO, who loves you like he loves his pet sunbear, the estimable Commodore Buttons.

Five different covers......but only one comes with smokin' speed and blazing 40 times.

This is your yearly reminder. Despite outearning, outhyping, and having more than 5,000 fans in the stands at their championship game, the SEC still doesn't have as many NFL draft picks as the ACC.

Oh, please, don't send the Rose Bowl cops! Penn State violated media access agreements at the Rose Bowl, but what the hell they're actually going to punish Paterno is beyond us unless the Rose Bowl has their own militia or something. This would explain why anyone gives a square-inch of assrash about them, though.

Rose Bowl: Mr. Delany? It's the Rose Bowl. We have your daughter.

Delany: I have a very unique set of skills. When I find you, I will make you your own crappy exclusive network.

Rose Bowl: Oh, that's fine. We still have your daughter.

Delany: Shit. How much, then?

Yes they did. Florida visits the White House today, where they will hang out with OL Marcus Gilbert's cousin, a Secret Service agent who'll give them the whole tour: the Kennedy fucklounge, the Dick Cheney deprivation chamber, and most secretive and popular of all, the Rutherford B. Hayes Autoerotic Asphyxiation Suite.

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smokin’ and blazin’ … I do remember the sensation of everything going in slow motion back when I did such things. I wonder if it’s because I was actually partying at a 4.25 40 pace, and everything else just seemed slow by comparison.

by NCT on Apr 23, 2009 4:34 PM EDT reply actions

“…the Rutherford B. Hayes Autoerotic Asphyxiation Suite.”

And they always said Grover Cleveland was THE kinky one!

by GamecockTony on Apr 23, 2009 4:55 PM EDT reply actions

Dirigibles require mass amounts of coal to get the boilers blazing like the fires of Hell. That locks in the West Fuckin’ Virginia vote.

I apologize for my state’s disobedience to Lord Mingo.

by ChasingMizzou on Apr 23, 2009 5:05 PM EDT reply actions

Gilbert’s dad is the secret service agent, first guy assigned to Obama when he was running.

by Kerwin4two on Apr 23, 2009 5:24 PM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty sure it’s Gilbert’s Dad that is in the Secret Service.

by Chris on Apr 23, 2009 6:00 PM EDT reply actions

And still no votes from Montana. What’s wrong with you people (both of you)?

by jd4au on Apr 23, 2009 7:59 PM EDT reply actions

Sir, I will say, being raised in the South, but having spent the past five years of exile in SD and Iowa, Omaha is a pretty happenin’ place…and, having also lived in ATL, I can honestly say (since it’s spring, and we’ve only had one April Blizzard), I’ll f’in take it :)

by der schatten on Apr 23, 2009 9:42 PM EDT reply actions

Somebody finally voted in Montana, FOR MINGO!

by John on Apr 24, 2009 3:57 AM EDT reply actions

Mingo leads in voting in all but the most backward states – his cajun mercenaries are now marching toward those unfortunate locales to implement his majesty’s “no keyboard or mouse left connected” strategy for victory

may our Steampunk Emporer be generous in his mercy and allow Ms Macadangdang to live as a pleasure slave chained within the dirigible palacefort once she is defeated

and may Mingo have mercy on god’s soul
Amen

by WarChiziken on Apr 24, 2009 8:04 AM EDT reply actions

About those NCAA Football 10 covers… Matthew Stafford is a rightie, and the silhouetted QB on the cover most certainly is not — that’s a left-handed stance, as anyone can see.

I’d say this stance:

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2005/writers/cory_mccartney/10/04/conference.calls/t1_wvu_si.jpg

looks more like the QB to me. Just rotate the image in your imagination so that you’re standing behind him, and note the position of the right hand as compared to the cover.

Just sayin’.

by An 'Eer with a beer on Apr 24, 2009 11:58 AM EDT reply actions