CURIOUS INDEX, 4/21/2009

by Orson on Apr 21, 2009 9:10 AM EDT

Excellent use of the caption function. We will never, ever tire of watching Eric Berry hit someone sideways--though if this video does remind us of anything, it's that Jahvid Best hydrates himself very well prior to kickoff, and stays well-hydrated throughout the game unless you knock the Gatorade out of his stomach.

They will also have you spend long hours looking for someone, anyone, to tell you where the door hinges are. Though this is exclusively specious rumor at this point: Home Depot wants to shake up the lineup on the best pregame show on ESPN, replacing the incomparable Chris Fowler, a man who clearly adores college football, with Karl Ravech, and replacing Lee Corso with Lou Holth because they want to get...younger in that department? Need more random HItler references live on-air? This makes no sense, which either makes it total bullshit offseason wall-spackle, or the actual plan minus the detail that Kirk Herbstreit will do the entire show wearing only an orange apron and a fine coat of posing oil.

The man, the myth, the combover. Smart Football leans firmly and convincingly on the notion of Hal Mumme being the most influential coach of the past two decades. Madness, you say? He overstates the case for effect we think, but give Mumme his due: he's equal part retard and genius, someone unafraid to revolutionize an offense while benching his SEC-leading passer in favor of a glorified offensive lineman fond of snack foods and interceptions.

Intensity. Fightin'. Likin' it. Illinois had a couple of scuffles in practice. The good news? Teams that fight in practice tend to be good teams for some reason (see the best Miami teams, for example.) The bad news? [NAME REDACTED] got so stimulated from the experience that he fought his way through a whole frat house with a single waterski after practice. You're likin it. Don't lie.

You can't blame them. Seven Syracuse football players have left the team since Doug Marrone took over at Syracuse. Current data suggests no conclusive results, as absolute zero minus seven is still absolute zero.

CITIZENS: A reminder that the powerful MGObloc has settled behind Iris Macadangdang, and threatens all that Mingovia stands for. Plus, she's a Republican who belongs to Amnesty International. Republican readers: she belongs to Amnesty International! BOOOOOOO. Democrat readers: she writes dictators letters suggesting more efficient ways to torture prisoners! Libertarians: she opposes your right to smoke weed and masturbate with expensive assault rifles!

In all directions she's clearly a danger to all you believe. VOTE MINGO and keep America awesome.

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I didn’t read the rest of the post yet… still frothing from the video.

froth

by ALGator on Apr 21, 2009 9:15 AM EDT reply actions

Why stop with Karl Ravech? If monotone and lifeless is what they want, why not Ben Stein or the HAL 9000?

by meatybob on Apr 21, 2009 9:22 AM EDT reply actions

I’m certainly not above overstating things, including the case for Mumme’s influence, but it’s quite real and hard to measure: over 400 high schools around the country consider themselves Tony Franklin clients, and countless more run the concepts and use the practice methods he developed, not to mention, at least from the emails I get, it’s the most popular offense among various expansion/start-up leagues overseas. He has zero NFL influence and limited college (though with Leach that influence keeps growing), but it’s this bottom up effect that is so interesting to me.

by Chris - SF on Apr 21, 2009 9:38 AM EDT reply actions

Better yet – Fire Home Depot and let Lowe’s do the set. First, the 3 Daves and now Chris Fowler? I can’t stand it.

by hobeg8r on Apr 21, 2009 9:40 AM EDT reply actions

Well if this rumor about Game Day is true I can now remove it from my required watch and record list.

WOOHOO LET’S FUCK SHIT UP FOR THE SAKE OF FUCKIN’ SHIT UP!

by Schnelly-ade on Apr 21, 2009 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

and door hingers are easy to find at any Lowe’s. They’re just north of locksets, which adjacent to the key-cutting area. BONG! “KEY-CUTTING AREA.”

by Rich on Apr 21, 2009 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Did I read that Dr. Lou would be traveling with the bus? Where will the medical staff sit. I’ll bet they’ll make them drive themselves.

And more of Tubs. Oh, Joy!

I may have to go back to spending time with my family on Saturday mornings…..

by I like Fish on Apr 21, 2009 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Bah! “hinges,” “ARE adjacent.”

BONG! “ASSISTANCE NEEDED IN THE KEY CUTTING AREA.”

by Rich on Apr 21, 2009 9:51 AM EDT reply actions

I second that.

If they deep-six Fowler, I’ll be able to sleep in until noon on Saturdays without suffering one shred of guilt.

by CincySooner on Apr 21, 2009 9:52 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, Tommy Tuberville’s final team and their weeklong series of fights to open 2008 fall camp—triggering the transfer of one player and the season-ending injury of another, because last season WAS JUST THAT AWESOME—would beg to differ on the “fights=success” analysis. I think this is just another example of The U’s singularity rather than an example to be followed.

Oh, and that Gameday post is the fakest fakery ever faked.

by JCCW Jery on Apr 21, 2009 10:04 AM EDT reply actions

You had me at “smoke weed and masturbate with expensive assault rifles.”

Why in the hell would you get rid of Corso and Fowler? Home Depot? Really? Karl Ravech? Really? They just started a marketing campaign plugging up Ravech as a huge baseball guy, not to mention that Rece Davis has clearly been the heir-to-the-thrown for the past five years…

Then again, I have no freakin’ clue for half of the things the WWL does these days. Stealing Adam Schefter from NFL Network when you already have Johny Clayton and a gaggle of solid NFL reporters? Ditching Len Pasquarelli. Randomly marketing a studio in L.A. that no one gives a damn about…

by King Cockfight on Apr 21, 2009 10:12 AM EDT reply actions

I hear Iris has legally added “Pushapussypop” as her middle name in an effort to best our supreme overlord – make it your highest priority to vote for Mingo, or suffer greatly when the blimp fortpalace floats over your city!!!

by WarChiziken on Apr 21, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

Did ESPN think we watched Dr Lou because it was informative or even entertaining? No – we watched it because it was half time and we didn’t want to change the channel.

by Wes Tex on Apr 21, 2009 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

What CincySooner said. I always feel bad when I’m cutting grass or trying to ripe a shrub out of the ground instead of watching Game Day. If Fowler goes, I go.

by The Hokie Abides on Apr 21, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

This is the first highlight compilation from this last year that didn’t have Knowshon hurdling that poor defensive back. I thought that they may have also missed all of the Jacquizz highlights, but then I noticed a small orangish pixel race across the screen.

With a background song of “Betcha can’t catch me” I’m surprised that they didn’t include one of the many highlights of Roddy Jones speeding down the right sideline.

by jacketexan on Apr 21, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

So, the boys from Illinoise got into a scuffle again? This time, it was amongst themselves instead of another team. Oh well, as the Zooker says, “it is correctable and they’re getting better and better”…….(LMFAO while typing that)

by JJ Gator on Apr 21, 2009 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

If those pricks at Disney actually let them ditch Fowler and Corso, I’m not watching Gameday anymore.

Corso is dumb, and wasnt a good coach at all, but he’s halfway entertaining. Holtz pisses me off more than that idiot Mark May. Dr. Lou segments make me pray for aneurysms.

by DrB on Apr 21, 2009 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

Give me Macadangdang, or give me death!

by Mgoblue on Apr 21, 2009 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

No one touches my assault rifles, let alone this fascist. Mingo knows that a cannon-armed society is a polite one.

And #11: it is funny when people say “you had me at…” nearly the last line of the post!

by Tim on Apr 21, 2009 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

100 fine cocktails to you #6.

Now let me clean up my keyboard…

Oh and by the way, how SOS has fallen. Hal freaking mumme?

by Chris on Apr 21, 2009 12:15 PM EDT reply actions

I have not decided whether the Gameday rumor is a hoax perpetrated by the writers of that website or on the writers of that website, but they got linked to EDSBS, thus they probably received thousands of hits to their website, so either way, but especially if the former, Mission Accomplished.

In what world is Karl Ravech younger than Chris Fowler? Even if Ravech is younger than Fowler, and I am not going to bother to look it up, Ravech is not younger than Fowler in perception. Ravech is decrepit compared to Fowler.

The guy who said Rece Davis is the heir apparent is obviously correct and this story is obviously bullshite.

by Coop on Apr 21, 2009 12:24 PM EDT reply actions

You would be correct, Coop. Post along in a moment.

by Orson Swindle on Apr 21, 2009 12:42 PM EDT up reply actions

A college football highlight reel with only one Jahvid Best clip (to say nothing of Quizz, Masoli, or Blount).

A shameful college football highlight reel.

by AERose on Apr 21, 2009 2:49 PM EDT reply actions

Glad to see Clemson made it in the video for everything BUT hard hits and big plays… We’ve got to be the best dancing, worst third down team in the history of college football.

by Willy Mac on Apr 22, 2009 10:05 AM EDT reply actions