No, he can’t. We will shave our heads if footage–legitimate, unedited, unmanipulated footage–of Terrance Cody performing a backflip on level ground surfaces. (No trampolines, trapeze equipment, or other assistance permitted.)

Again: head shaved if this happens. We’ll take photos and everything, but we won’t have to, as any landing from a Terrance Cody backflip would cause serious structural damage to buildings on the Alabama campus and beyond.

In more news you already know: college football has its own pay market, as this article reminds you using the $450,000 salary of John Chavis and others as examples. Fun fact! Mike Archer made $125,000 as head coach in 1987, and was still overpaid by $138,000, but LSU was able to write it off as a charitable donation to the Hopelessly Incapable of America.

David Cutcliffe has much sense. David Cutcliffe says Greg Paulus is free to try out for the team at Duke, but definitely not at quarterback, because that would be crazypants dumb.

“He’s a quarterback at heart, but there was no way he was going to be able to compete and play quarterback for us,” Cutcliffe said.

This is because David Cutcliffe is possessed of much good sense and knowledge, and because the notion one could walk into a D-1 program and simply become a quarterback after four years off is insane, because no one’s ever done it? Yes, this is called undermining your argument, and we need to stop doing it.

They don’t ticket the people in the Sooner Schooner. And they drive around with shotguns, no less. Also, we’re pretty sure they’re not completely sober, but don’t let that stop the Norman po-po from arresting Jermaine Gresham for failing to pay a seatbelt violation, a charge earning him and the Sooners a pitiful point in the Fulmer Cup. We’d give half-points for this, but that way lies the devil. (”Hey, he was pantsless when arrested! That’s gotta be a half-point there!”)

Just ask Florida whenever Auburn’s in town. Homefield advantage in the SEC doesn’t mean dick-o-la, and considering that, we now drive a pen into our thigh thinking about the 2007 Auburn game and 2008 Ole Miss games.