CURIOUS INDEX, 4/15/2009

by Orson on Apr 15, 2009 9:39 AM EDT

We give you 3/2 odds on this song. If Lane Kiffin is blasting hip-hop to motivate the troops, there is exactly zero chance it is NOT this song. It'll make you want to rip off your wrinkle-free Van Heusen shirt!

MINGOVIANS! Do not use any kind of url reloading or foolishness, lest you get Barkevious disqualified. He needs not the help of your digital performance enhancers.

And you shall have new training whether you like it or not. An investigation into the 2005 death of Mizzou football player Aaron O'Neal showed a general lack of familiarity with emergency situations involving intense exercise and side effects of sickle cell anemia, which 8-10 percent of African Americans have. Some of them happen to play college football, which means trainers and coaches are going to get a shitload of new training to avoid unnecessary deaths first, and to avoid paying out million dollar settlements second. Sometime it pays to have lawyers telling about all the bad things that could happen, because sometimes they do.

Calling all Cock-loving ladies. Steve Spurrier's got what you need.

Gruesome workouts as an antidote to complacency? Hasn't worked for us. Unless it involves something like eight hour mat drills and Bridge on the River Kwai box sessions, we can't imagine what could be worse than the misery Mickey Marotti already inflicts on Florida players in the offseason. Ring that bell, G.I. Jane. It's ready when you are.

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Needed ASAP:

“Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for MINGO” shirts and bumper stickers.

by Craig on Apr 15, 2009 9:52 AM EDT reply actions

No mention of Greg Paulus being Michigan’s new QB, even though it probably will not go down? Given Paulus’ history of getting tea bagged, Danny Green, kid from Miami, somebody else I cannot remember, it seems as if there is ample ammunition for something along those lines…

by Coop on Apr 15, 2009 9:56 AM EDT reply actions

Coop—

Patience. This being the offseason, you don’t want to eat all your cookies before noon, do you?

by Orson Swindle on Apr 15, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

Dammit, that video is going to have me boffing the bishop right here at my desk. I especially like Dumas (OSU #21). Hit the motherfucker, stand over the motherfucker, tell the motherfucker you’re gonna hit him again if his bitch-ass is dumb enough to get up. GodDAMMIT, I need to decleat a motherfucker RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING NOW.

by Harris on Apr 15, 2009 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Needed ASAP:

“Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for MINGO” t-shirts and bumper stickers.

by Craig on Apr 15, 2009 10:10 AM EDT reply actions

What??? Greg Paulus with DickRod? Why would a NBA* lottery pick want to do that?

National Bozos Association

by yoyofutbawl on Apr 15, 2009 10:34 AM EDT reply actions

“No one here will come out and say it but I will: Barring a series of catastrophic injuries talent, or the lack of it, will not keep Florida from repeating as national champions.”

Nice grammar.

by angry mike on Apr 15, 2009 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

Gotta love angry men with sticks in their hands and blades on their feet climbing into the crowd of spectators.

WOO HOO HOCKEY!!!!!

by zzgator on Apr 15, 2009 11:03 AM EDT reply actions

If Lane Kiffin is actually playing Three 6 for motivational purposes, I may be compelled to euthanize and cremate my hatred of all things Tennessee, and dump the ashes of said hatred out from atop the Sunsphere.

by The Tony Bennett/Al Groh Experience on Apr 15, 2009 11:41 AM EDT reply actions