COACH STEW SAYS THAT’S THE LAST TIME YOU DEFAME TOBY KEITH
What caused this?
–Kickers talked shit about the Mandrell sisters.
–Wouldn’t buy his granddaughter’s scout cookies
–One of them touched his prize musket, Libertyface.
–Didn’t bring enough moonshine for everyone.
–One of them called him “Coach Rodriguez.”
–All four wore flat-front pants to their meeting (GENTLEMEN WEAR PLEATS.)
–Attempted to beg out of running due to “black lung” when they know that’s no excuse in Morgantown, son.
–Were Twittering during their meeting.
–Didn’t salute photo of Matlock posted next to door.
–Giggled when secretary entered and told Coach Stewart “It’s Johnny Dingle on line one.”
–Suggested way for team to be better at football in 2009 was “to not have us kick as many field goals, and score more touchdowns.”
–Knows that the way to get a team’s attention is to get tough on the guys who used to play soccer. Yes, that’s it.
–Compared Hank Williams unfavorably to Hank Williams III within earshot.
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1
BurritoBrosShits says:
-Caught talking about ‘offensive strategy’. Later burned at the stake as heretics.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
2
Geaux Irish says:
- Tried to set Coach Stewart’s couch on fire.
- Hit on Coach’s wife while eating at Applebee’s.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
3
Orson Swindle says:
BBS–
In all fairness, if a kicker started offering up offensive strategy tips, we’d kick them out, too.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
4
NativeSon says:
- never saw them on the field often enough to actually remember their faces.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
5
Chips O'Toole says:
He would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those damn kickers
April 7th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
6
BurritoBrosShits says:
Well its not only that Swindle. Just the phrase ‘offensive strategy’ is not to be uttered in Morgantown. The Church of Offensive Apathy, seated in Morgantown, disallows it.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
7
Harris says:
– Doused couch
April 7th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
8
Flatlander says:
- Not paying attention to the overhead projector; caught plotting a train fire.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
9
meatybob says:
I pray that we continue to have these musings from Coach Stewart and he is not Auburned this year, which is what I fear. Please WFVU, be an awesome team by the LSU game. Then I can die.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
10
Crabapple Buck says:
Disappointed in WfV Fulmer Cup performance to date, Stewart tosses kickers and yells that he wants ASS KICKERS, not FG kickers. Then threatens to toss 4 guys a day until morale improves.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
11
Harvey Birdman says:
One of them was overheard saying “At least I know how to timeout” to the delightful giggles of the other kickers.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
12
PW says:
“…although, due to my poor clock management skills, the meeting had actually ended 5 minutes before I kicked them out.”
April 7th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
13
BJ says:
Because kickers are usually smart former-soccer players, and soccer is a Commie sport, kickers are the natural leaders of a hypothetical WfV coup. Stewart knows this, and had them “disappeared”.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
14
JimHalpert says:
They admitted to not owning a copy of “Appetite For Destruction”.
They couldn’t find a “Poop Schedule” app for him to put on his iPhone.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
15
An 'eer with a beer says:
Anyone who thinks Stew’s game-management skilz didn’t improve after the Colorado debacle must have missed the WVU-USF game. At the end of the first half the action went like this:
1st-10, WVU15 0:39 S. Glover intercepted M. Grothe for no gain
1st-10, WVU20 0:33 P. White rushed up the middle for 8 yard gain
2nd-2, WVU28 0:26 P. White incomplete pass to the right
3rd-2, WVU28 0:22 N. Devine rushed to the right for 14 yard gain
1st-10, WVU42 0:15 SFla committed 15 yard penalty
1st-10, SFla43 0:10 P. White passed to A. Arnett to the right for 15 yard gain
1st-10, SFla28 0:05 P. McAfee kicked a 45-yard field goal
That’s six plays in the last 33 seconds of the game, moving 57 yards to set up a 45-yard FG with time expiring.
I think the time management jokes can go away now, and Holly should let go of her anger. Stew is the coach for the foreseeable future, and he’s not done a bad job given the circumstances.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
16
JB says:
This was funny. You know its actually his S.I.D. Mike Montoro, not actually coach thumbing these in.
Hank III was a great reference, although I should say, he’s been to Morgantown a few times a year as long as i can remember, but Hank II is rarely through. ( Course, everyone knows we have the soul of Hank I forever, as he died in Oak Hill, WV. )
April 7th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
17
vegas_buckeye says:
Rich Brooks thinks kickers are bullshit, too, Bill.
“P”
April 7th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
18
EZ says:
They didn’t know the words to “My Bucket’s Got a Hole in it.”
April 7th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
19
WarChiziken says:
–Attempted to beg out of running due to “black lung” when they know that’s no excuse in Morgantown, son.
best.line.evah.
April 7th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
20
Holly says:
I think the time management jokes can go away now, and Holly should let go of her anger.
….have we met?
April 7th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
21
Mr. Pelican Patns says:
-Caught them arguing over who would win a fight between Daniel Boone and Davey Crockett. That would be like God vs Jesus. There could never be a winner, so stop wasting time arguing about it.
-Caught them spreading lies about chicks actually acknowledging their existence on a football team.
-Attempted to drink coffee from the “Coffee is for Football Players Only” coffee pot.
-Wore UFC T-shirt into meeting. Threw them out for not wearing “TAPOUT” t-shirt.
-Kickers wearing a belt buckle that wasnt as big as a toaster
-Spittoon-hogging
-I told them to be there at 05:00 hours, they show up 500 hours later.
-Overheard one of the kickers say he would remember this past summer as the” summer I got busted on ‘Dateline’ for online bestiality predators.”
-Caught them text voting for American Idol for the blind kid, who is beating the competition with his eyes closed.
April 8th, 2009 at 10:22 am
22
An 'eer with a beer says:
@15
I think the time management jokes can go away now, and Holly should let go of her anger.
@20
….have we met?
Why, because I know your opinion of Coach Stew so well?
Don’t make me go searching the EDSBS archives for the evidence: your rants and screeches about how Bill Stewart was Teh Worst Choice EVAR for WfnV and how he’d deliver the offense into the Bowels of Eternal FAIL.
You know you hate him. Admit it, but let it go…
April 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
23
Holly says:
Oh, you misunderstand me, with your threats of SEARCHING TEH ARCHIVES. I asked that because if you knew me at all you’d know I ain’t never letting go of my spite for Billy Stew. You’d also know that I’m not shy about loathing. If I could fly a plane I’d skywrite nasty letters to him over Morgantown, and I am not the least bit ashamed. Good day.
April 8th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
24
CincySooner says:
Anyone who thinks Stew’s game-management skilz didn’t improve after the Colorado debacle must have missed the WVU-USF game
As a matter of fact, I did miss that game.
April 9th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
25
Doug says:
Thinking that you’ve uncovered some deep, dark secret by detecting Holly’s hatred for Bill Stewart is kind of like threatening to out Elton John.
April 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm