NICK SABAN INJURES HIS TALKING FINGER

by Orson on Apr 6, 2009 1:13 PM EDT

We thought Alabama fans might be short on spank material in the offseason, so there you are: footage of Nick Saban catching fish in the scenic environs of Lake Burton should be enough to get your worm burping fast enough, Tide fans. You're welcome. Given the awesome Tide-themed rawk booming behind it, you might be able to get a double-barreled combat jack out of the experience if you're properly motivated and are turned on by the sight of your coach wearing the goofy mesh safari hat. (And don't lie: You are.)

Saban can't fish with the deadly killing precision he normally would use, both because he is presently coaching like the obsessed rural Ahab he is, and because he's hurt his middle finger and wearing a splint on it. No, you can't suck on it to try to "heal" him--medical professionals are on the case, and that is creepy in the first place. Saban injured the finger not communicating with the media or his offensive line, but instead in a lunchtime basketball session where Saban is usually defended by the worst defender in the lunch league, who is of course the media guy.

Flex a royal we, Coach Process!

"We were W.I.A.," Saban said, trying not to smile. "Know what that is? Wounded in action, when we were playing. But we didn't miss a play. We didn't miss a beat. Nobody ever knew I got hurt. We were relentless in the way we competed, ai'ight."

Wait to play through pain and joke about whoever injured your finger in the game. Saban was too polite to mention exactly who harmed the $4 million digit, probably both because he feared Alabama fans attempting to pick off the poor bastard with high-powered hunting rifles from a distance, and also because he's planning to have him crushed by a falling building later this week for his insolence.

You'll have to wait for fresh Alabama cheesecake, but not for long: the Terrence Cody Swimsuit calendar should be along any week now, provided our Fujianese chemists get the alluring bacon smell to stick to the paper like we want it to be, right?

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Nothing, save for a nuclear explosion or a supernova, can compare with how awesome that video is. There is a hint of a smile @ 1:19. My heart is a flutter.

by BurritoBrosShits on Apr 6, 2009 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

i can’t lie: i am.

by kleph on Apr 6, 2009 1:36 PM EDT reply actions

They don’t have their own fucking lakes in Alabama?

No wonder Burton’s gone downhill.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Apr 6, 2009 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

Team-specific sports songs are one of the worst inventions EVAR.

by One And Done on Apr 6, 2009 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

It’s a wonder Saban even had time for that sh1t.

by One And Done on Apr 6, 2009 1:57 PM EDT reply actions

I am absolutely certain Saban had that lake stocked the night before filming to ensure that he would appear to know how to catch fish.

He probably also winces when they put the wormies on the hook.

by JimHalpert on Apr 6, 2009 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

Bama will call off the Cody beefcake calendar if Notre Dame will call off the Weis version of same.

For the children.

by Counter Trap on Apr 6, 2009 2:15 PM EDT reply actions

Most fisherman use poles to catch fish. Others resort to dynamite. Saban just looks at the water and fish jump into the boat.

by BurritoBrosShits on Apr 6, 2009 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

I think I endured more “roll tide”s during that song than I have in my entire life, which includes bama’s 9 game winning streak in the 1970s.

I’m going to see if my doctor will induce a coma so maybe I can wake up with no memory of that song.

by sevenDs on Apr 6, 2009 2:57 PM EDT reply actions

What we are talking about relative to fishing is domination. We want to work 365 days a year to dominate the lake trout, aight? This is something quality that the entire program needs to buy into. From the administration, on down to the fans..
We can talk about what happened last year, when I caught an 8 lbs test record largemouth using a rattletrap. But relative to what we are trying to do this year, it’s irrelevant. It don’t mean shit. Do Little Debbies and Redman chew themselves? Of course not. We are trying to establish an identity. The question we have to ask ourselves is..do you wanna be Ray Scott or a 6 yr old using a spiderman Zebco?
I have to go talk to the folks who really matter now, aight. There is a kid in Winchester, TN who is a 5 * catfish noodler waiting on video conference.

by CapstoneAlum on Apr 6, 2009 4:15 PM EDT reply actions