We thought Alabama fans might be short on spank material in the offseason, so there you are: footage of Nick Saban catching fish in the scenic environs of Lake Burton should be enough to get your worm burping fast enough, Tide fans. You're welcome. Given the awesome Tide-themed rawk booming behind it, you might be able to get a double-barreled combat jack out of the experience if you're properly motivated and are turned on by the sight of your coach wearing the goofy mesh safari hat. (And don't lie: You are.)
Saban can't fish with the deadly killing precision he normally would use, both because he is presently coaching like the obsessed rural Ahab he is, and because he's hurt his middle finger and wearing a splint on it. No, you can't suck on it to try to "heal" him--medical professionals are on the case, and that is creepy in the first place. Saban injured the finger not communicating with the media or his offensive line, but instead in a lunchtime basketball session where Saban is usually defended by the worst defender in the lunch league, who is of course the media guy.
Flex a royal we, Coach Process!
"We were W.I.A.," Saban said, trying not to smile. "Know what that is? Wounded in action, when we were playing. But we didn't miss a play. We didn't miss a beat. Nobody ever knew I got hurt. We were relentless in the way we competed, ai'ight."
Wait to play through pain and joke about whoever injured your finger in the game. Saban was too polite to mention exactly who harmed the $4 million digit, probably both because he feared Alabama fans attempting to pick off the poor bastard with high-powered hunting rifles from a distance, and also because he's planning to have him crushed by a falling building later this week for his insolence.
You'll have to wait for fresh Alabama cheesecake, but not for long: the Terrence Cody Swimsuit calendar should be along any week now, provided our Fujianese chemists get the alluring bacon smell to stick to the paper like we want it to be, right?