O-H! I-OVERDRIVE ON A BAR STOOL GOING 35 MPH.

The balancing wheel in the back tells a million stories. IT HAS A SPRING SHOCK.

I think what takes this from “dumb redneck invention” to “DaVinci-inspired” is that there is a wheelie bar on the back to keep it from tipping upon start-up/acceleration. More importantly, that this wasn’t likely a precautionary measure, but rather a trial-and-error addition.

thing of beauty. Cheers.

Well, of course it does. Why even think about building a self-propelled barstool if you can’t pop wheelies?

You’d think a guy would at least put some foot pads in the back just in case he finds a girl who also consumed 15 beers that night… a lonely lonely girl…

Cornhole… Larry Flynt… motorized barstools… what will Ohio come up with next?

What the article omits is the method of his capture. The police first used a carefully slung banana peel to slow his barstool-with-wheels before deploying a red turtle shell used to collide with his craft and momentarily incapacitate it.

I love how Wygle knows the EXACT TOP SPEED his insanely awesome contraption can reach. It’s almost like he’s done exhaustive testing.

Or he was so shitfaced that he made up a number for the cops. Either way, tremendous.

GOJC: If he doesn’t show up as a modded-up MarioKart hack online, we’ll be sorely disappointed.

GOJC:

Did Lakitu fish him up off the side of the road when he crashed?

This is why I’m never ashamed to admit I’m from Ohio. How the hell can you not appreciate the thought that went into this? I’m building one right now.

more ingenious than Burn After Reading’s dildo chair, which was previously my favorite invention.

it’s especially great that he’s pleading not guilty and requesting a jury trial. if this isn’t the right case for jury nullification, i don’t know what is.

It never ceases to amaze me how (stupid) drunk people always volunteer incriminating evidence to the police. Maybe they should put Miranda warning labels on beer bottles or something.

As for the 38 MPH, he must have had a pace car time him…which means there is at least one other idiot out there driving the pace pick-up truck.

1)I believe Gallagher utilized a motorized barstool, if my memory serves me correctly……a candidate for Mustache Wednesday?

2) I can’t help but to think of George Jones using his lawnmower to get to the bar b/c his wife hid his car keys.

#4

Look closely… he has footrails and handlebars in the front for just such an occasion.

I just wish I was there the day he invented it.

Him in his garage, finishing the last drops of a twelver of Shaeffer. He glances around and looks at the old broken lawnmower in the corner as if he should attempt to fix it but knows he won’t. As he looks away his eyes pass by the four barstools he got at that yardsale from when he talked about finishing the basement. Pause. Looks back at the lawnmower….back to the barstools…back to the lawnmower. Then all of a sudden, “Wait a minute…wait just a goddamn minute. ALICE, BRING ME MY BLOWTORCH!”

…surprised no one has yet acknowledged the ESSEEECEE version which bested Kile and was not caught by police…

I would love to know if the cops gave this vehicle back to Kyle or if they confiscated it. This is the type of reckless hillbilly genius that is normally found south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Hopefully it eventually finds itself in its rightful home, which is the Smithsonian.

Give that man 100 BUCKEYE STICKERS to put on his Go-Cart O’ Death from this Ohio Loyalist.

[/REEEAAAALLL MEN OF GENIUS]

#7, 13

I picture him ripping up and down the two-lane state highway at the edge of town, right where the speed limit drops from 55 to 35, buzzing past the box that says “YOUR SPEED: XX,” one Saturday night, trying to find the right aerodynamic tuck to hit that elusive 38mph.

Jesus – my neighbor converted his old recliner (the one the wife was demanding he put outside for the garbage collectors) into a motorized one. He may fall asleep while driving it (in the reclined position) but at least he will never fall off. That’s the southern version.

I dunno Cincy. I think those foot rails are for the driver and the handle bars are actually the accelerator.

Brakes? Ha…he…ha.. hahahaha, yeah right brakes… haha.

I nominate JT4 to write the incredibly necessary made-for-TV movie for ESPNU.

I really need this guy to design a water version for me for lake/river drankin this summer. Preferably with an inner tube, cup holders, beer storage and super soaker.

The lone cable from the steering column is for the throttle. There appears to be no braking mechanism other than potentially the wheelie bar if used like a roller skate stop. A strong argument for the “less is more” school of thought.

I take it all back. And, the coonass rocket performance lab is already hard at work on the airboat version

But does he have the optional sport trailer?
http://www.minichopperssocal.com/sport-sprint.html

Here’s the full commercial version of the drinkin’ boat:

http://www.1stdirectproducts.com/bumperboats.html

Now its up to someone to make their own. Bonus points if you rig up a water pump/gun to drench people…wouldn’t be that much more effort.

I have a horrible vision of OSU fans driving to Ann Arbor or State College for a road game… just a giant loud convoy of these bar stools rolling down the highway… the fear it will instill in everyone who sees them… it’s all too depraved.

If you were a cop, would you give this kid a DUI?

I’d draw the heater on him.

#30

If I were a cop, I think it would be tough to not give a dude who pounded 15 beers driving a vehicle that goes nearly 40 mph a DUI. I’m sure if he had a sixer and could function normally, but was over the limit he’d be scott free and told not to drive it while intoxicated. He drank 15 beers. He probably had trouble standing.

Not built in Florida – there’s no Cupholder, which I think would be a necessary piece of equipment in Drinking and Driving.
Also, there’s about 15 ways this guy won’t get a DUI: never seen in control of vehicle, not really a vehicle, no articulable reasonable suspicion of intoxication, etc.. If this was in Florida, it wouldn’t surprise me if this guy got a reckless charge and any “unsafe equipment” charges were dismissed as Res Gestae. Cheers.

OSU fan should replace the bar stool with a toilet and it would be perfect!

It does not appear that the “vehicle” comes equipped with brakes. So, let’s assume for the sake of argument that it does have a top speed of 38 mph, how would he stop that thing in the event something ran in front of him on the road?

I’m pretty sure the 15 PBR’s are what saved his life at this point. They had to have made him slow down to 25 mph.

Comments 6 (Jay Cutler) and 31 (Officer Powell) elicited audible chuckles. Well done, guys.

How do you fit four Alabama players on this vehicle? flip over the barstool…

I grew up one town over from Newark. I am so proud. Local coverage, with a couple of more details, available from the Newark Advocate:

http://www.newarkadvocate.com/article/20090331/NEWS01/903310309&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

(What kind of place is it? When I was last back in Ohio, the Advocate had an entire page devoted to pro wrestling news. Seriously.)

He apparently pleaded not guilty and is awaiting a jury trial. Man, I need to move to Ohio and register to vote post haste, so I can get picked for that jury. I defy anyone to think of a more hilarious way to do your civic duty.

Ohio, birthplace of Thomas Edison and the Wright Brothers. Move over fuckers, and make room for the next/another great inventor. Is there a nomination for a Nobel Prize for Engineering in his future?

What’s funny is that this guy is probably more intelligent than 99% of PhD educated scientists out there, but gave education the finger and this is the result. Providence smiles upon us this day.

Foam Dome not included, but mandatory.

http://www.autoblog.com/2007/11/04/sema-sideshow-hossfly-v8-barstools/ Need I say any more.

@42, the thought of a man doing a wheelie on that thing with a beer helmet on kills me. Cheers to this man despite his willingness to divulge evidence and lack of brake inclusion.

Let’s give the actual inventor some props here. Wygle bought it from one Vonn “Skeeter” Watson, who’s apparently been making these suckers for eight years.

http://www.mansfieldnewsjournal.com/article/20090331/UPDATES01/90331020

Mr. Watson, here’s to you, Real Man of Genius. Now get yourself a web site so I can custom order one of these bad boys.

The Newark Advocate article linked above is a must-read. Apparently this guy is a well known drunken ne’er-do-well and a possible girlfriend-abuser.

I was channeling last night and guess what came on Discovery? The Barstool Sled Race from God-Knows-Where, Wisconsin. Grown men mounting barstools on sleds/skis and racing down a 100’ hill.

The three-time defending champs from Menonimee (?sp?) lost their crown. One entry subbed a commode for a barstool. Complete with beer iced down in the tank.

Wisconsin beat Ohio to it. Go Badgers.

He’s overcome a lifetime of ridicule that comes with having a name that rhymes by inventing the future of transportation.

You have to hand it to Wygle. Some how he’s been able to beat Natural Selection…. so far.

video:

http://wwwphp.10tv.com/vplayer.php?clip=2009_03_31_Latest_On_Bar_Stool.wmv

money quote:

“I wasn’t drinking before I wrecked,” Wygle said. “I wrecked then I started drinking.”

indeed