CURIOUS INDEX, 3/31/09

by Orson on Mar 31, 2009 9:45 AM EDT

Five months...it ain't happenin' raight now. I think their estimates of half a million at Tennessee's practices do not jibe with the reported numbers, but sure. There's nothing else going on. A HALF A MILLION PEOPLE SHOWED UP FOR TENNESSEE'S PRACTICE.

You'll inevitably comment, "Wow, that's ten minutes, which is a Von Stroeheim five hour epic on the internet." Sadly, you'll watch the whole thing, because now that Eastbound and Down is done, you have nothing left to do for the next five months except watch your coach tame babies and rewatch the scene of Katy Mixon baring her magnificent breasts for all the world to see in episode six. I love you honey, but you have clothes like a dickhead.

You guys, just take the next seven months off. Cincinnati is going to have to rely on its offense. Decided! In March! Defense, you're off the hook. Mill about and tackle someone who looks as if they're going too fast for their own good.

Ohio State gets money. The Buckeyes sold their licensing rights to IMG for $110 million for the next ten years. IMG represents, among many, many other people, Cesar Milan the Dog Whisperer, who is set to come to Ohio State to rid the entire crowd of its pesky behavioral tics of peeing all over the place and occasionally becoming too aggressive with others. BE THE ALPHA, Tressel. They must respect this.

He's healing quickly, just like your liver used to. Patrick Edwards, last seen writhing on the ground at Marshall with his leg in two pieces, plans on playing this year.

He's getting better at it every day. [TWITTER REDACTED]. He couldn't bear the thought of Tim Brewster using more caps than he did. We expect waterskiing pictures, and if we do not get them, we'll...well, nothing will change, really.

Tweet Comment 18 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

no way those were katy mixon’s. any breasts in kenny powers’s perimeter could spontaneously combust. those were stunt double ta-tas.

by Gator03 on Mar 31, 2009 9:54 AM EDT reply actions

I want to know if IMG’s rights extend to the masturbation wing of the campus library…that place is making more news than any of the other licensed venues…

by sb on Mar 31, 2009 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

From the UT link:

"I also gave him a challenge," William Wilson said. "I said, ‘I’ll state you a fact: If you beat Florida this year, you’re bigger than Davy Crockett.’ "

What does that say about the UT fan base? …bigger than Davy Crockett… I have been using such poorely conceived comparisons in the past I had not realized how huge Davy Crockett was…

Jonathan

by Jonathan on Mar 31, 2009 10:29 AM EDT reply actions

I have to agree with Gator03… no way those were Katy Mixon’s boobs. As an ardent viewer of Shannon Tweed’s post-“Night Eyes 2” work, if you don’t have face and boobs in the same shot, it’s a titty double.

Although with Jessica Alba in “The Sleeping Dictionary” I will suspend my disbelief.

by Grimey on Mar 31, 2009 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

You shut your facehole about Davy Crockett, son.

by Holly on Mar 31, 2009 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

“. . .you have clothes like a dickhead.”

Probably the best line of dialogue EVAH.

by now_a_hoo on Mar 31, 2009 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

Coach [REDACTED] is twatting only one person. Coach Win Forever.

It’s like 4chan has learned how to leave the matrix and start inbreeding in real life.

by vegas_buckeye on Mar 31, 2009 10:42 AM EDT reply actions

@ #6: My favorite line from EB&D was “When I look at you I see a vagina with a mullet”

by oc phil on Mar 31, 2009 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

Well, if it doesn’t pan out for Kiffykins in the college ranks, he can always get a job at a daycare facility or work at Babies R Us.

by hobeg8r on Mar 31, 2009 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

Nope, not her boobs. Delicious none the less.

by Baron on Mar 31, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

I’m not sure what it means, but [TWITTER REDACTED] follows only one man on this time waste you call twitter, and that man is the glorious Pete Carroll.

by jarrod on Mar 31, 2009 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

Certainly you realize those gentlemen find humor in themselves and their fan base. Perhaps a dose of self-deprecation would serve you well, jorts boy.

by Vol on Mar 31, 2009 12:26 PM EDT reply actions

Jonathan, you do understand that Davy Crockett is the mascot on the sidelines, right? It’s not like he said “You’ll be bigger than Colonel Sanders” or something.

by Vol on Mar 31, 2009 12:29 PM EDT reply actions

See, if Cesar had been at OSU years before, he could have held Clarrett in line.

“Sweet! Israelis!”
“TSSST!” taps him on the neck with two fingers.
“What the fuck?” Clarrett says as he doubles over.
“TSSST!” Cesar taps him again, Maurice crumples on the floor, belly up.
“You see, Jim, you must be dominant and in control. What we see here is a relaxed and avoidance behavior.”

by Satan's Legal Counsel on Mar 31, 2009 12:30 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t understand the psychology behind body doubles.

I can’t tell a difference, and for what it’s worth, they ARE the famous actress’ (actresses?) boobs, but something about knowing they aren’t is a real downer.
sadface.

by Kecalf Bailey on Mar 31, 2009 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

Vol,
You guys are as bad as Auburn. Volunteers, Smokey, and Davy Crockett (the two sticks of butter stuffed jelly glazed doughnut has been redacted since Fulmer left)! Pick a damn mascot. So to answer your question, no I didn’t know you had a name for that freak patrolling the sidelines… I had just assumed it was a misguided childish representation of a volunteer, silly me I know.

My comment still stands though, I would not choose Davy Crockett as the person to complete this sentence: “You will be more famous than ….”

Fall cannot get here quickly enough oh and to keep Orson happy since I am a UGA fan – ARP ARP multiple mascots ARP ARP

by Jonathan on Mar 31, 2009 4:23 PM EDT reply actions

Jonathan, you’re still confused. Davy Crockett IS the Volunteer. Yes, Smokey is thrown in the mix but we like him so shut up. Davy Crockett’s Volunteers fought the Creek Indians in Alabama (the original case of Vols kicking Bammers’ asses, although they were Native American Bammers, but we’ll take the win). Subsequently, they fought at some shitty fort in Texas and didn’t fare as well.

by Vol on Mar 31, 2009 4:58 PM EDT reply actions

Vol
Hah, nicely written. I guess that whole not being a natural born citizen and missing out on the childhood indoctrination has cost me an understanding of the finer points of TN history. I knew about the shitty fort in Texas and a hat, not really anything else in reference to Mr. Crockett. Oh and you know Bama would have taken the win, hell they might count the one in Texas via transitive factors. That said, you still have two mascots pthhhhhhhht!

Please Fall hurry up.

by Jonathan on Mar 31, 2009 6:29 PM EDT reply actions