Take a picture trick/I am am not on the ballot/You can write me in because I’m so valid.

We’ve moved into a unique stage in our relationship with Texas A&M’s unique football culture. First, a quick toe dip into it seemed fine; then, apprehension as it got stranger, and we found out about the squeeze, the yell leaders, the regimentation of it all; and now, with the introduction of one of the more ineptly conceived and ineptly executed song parodies ever beshat upon the Youtubes? All just to become Yell Leader for A&M’s student section?

Oh, now we’re totally in love. It’s a sign of neglect to just do something shoddily, but putting “On a Boat” on a boombox and then shittily rapping along to it with little planning besides getting a tuxedo, an inflatable dolphin, and letting the sync track blast along audibly in the back? Something this bad almost flirts with genius, and since that’s closer than we’ve ever been, huzzah to you, boys. Reload with Reagan hid behind a fig leaf of competence, but your naked incompetence needs no camouflage.

For letting it all hang in the breeze, ONE HUNDRED COCKTAILS TO YOU, SIRS.