Why did Tebow return? To grow a beard and save two of everything from the impending flood.

That is a beard on our blessed Baby Rhinoceros Tim Tebow, and if you look carefully you can discern the stacks of timbers, tar, and assorted animals of the earth. If he’s going to get really Old Testament with it, he’ll get it cranked down to the adam’s apple for the season and play with it for the whole season. Another acceptable variation is the Kenny Stabler Thigh Pad For Special Ladies.

If you’re wondering whether Lane Kiffin has a spot on the ark or not, the answer is no: there’s only room for two jackasses, and letting on a third would just cause problems.

(This development has stunned BGID Clay Travis. The complete ownership of all that he loves by Tebow is now complete.)