WE FEAR LOST CASH. YOU FEAR NED.

by Orson on Mar 24, 2009 10:51 AM EDT

Maybe we're just dodging you because we're so scared of your big selves! That has to be it! Or because we're gay! You know, like gay-tors, because gay people are such timid little people! Pass the cock sandwiches, please! WE'LL TAKE THREE!!!

With the entire rhetorical magazine of the Miami Hurricanes' fan exhausted for them in one easy intro paragraph, we'll move to the particulars. Florida does indeed have no plans to face the 'Canes past the 2013 date, most likely because scheduling another home and away puts a dent in home ticket sales, and that's not something Jeremy Foley wants to do in a recession economy he's already said has forced spending constraints on the Florida program. (We're now down to triple-ply woven silk toilet paper in Meyer's lavatory. Savage, really, what this is doing to us.)

A better question: why you duckin' FIU, bitches? We all know the answer. Three letters that contain more asskick than your entire team put together. N-E-D.

10/14/06: Never Forget.

If only we could breed him with SpaceBat and take the next step in human evolution...oh, then we'd be talking progress on a hot skillet, now.

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Ned never gets old. Any photo containing Ned is automatically funnier. BTW, is he still eligible, or permanently crippled?

by Crabapple Buck on Mar 24, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

NED is our only hope against Skynet.

by BurritoBrosShits on Mar 24, 2009 11:30 AM EDT reply actions

I think NED is working for Skynet. His crutches are really guns attached to his torso.
SpaceBat only goes to prove my theory that all animals want a fast and violent death.
I have sent many small frogs/lizards/bugs into orbit on various fireworks and bottle rockets, and SpaceBat got to ride the ultimate Dr. Strangelove type ending into oblivion. He made no attempt to fly away and was brave til he was incenerated. Never Forget.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 24, 2009 12:33 PM EDT reply actions

That’s right, Miami. We care more about beating up some random creampuff for cash four years running, than we would care about scheduling one away game in the same time period.

You mean less to us than one fourth of a home game.

You can call it ‘fear’, but I believe the term is ‘indifference’.

(Note: I actually think Miami’s proposal is quite reasonable, and would be awesome to get the rivalry going again with a bi-annual beatdown of the Hurricanes. But Foley doesn’t give a damn about you, Miami. He’s not scared, he just thinks adding yet another mediocre ACC team to the schedule just isn’t worth it.)

by Not You on Mar 24, 2009 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

So basically you’re admitting Foley’s chicken shit? Fine by us.

As exciting as home games against the Western Iowa Corn Humpers sound, we’d rather schedule tough teams in our return to the Badass status of the 80’s (complete with coach Luther Campbell). Not a person outside of Gaynesville is going to buy into the financial bullshit, but you all are welcome to believe what you like. Believe, Change, Hope, and all that other crap that probably encouraged you to vote for Obama – and duh honrable repsentitive cooooorun brown.

Go Cane

25 years domination> 1 random win over young, mediocre team

by NEDS DEMISE on Mar 24, 2009 8:32 PM EDT reply actions

NEDS DEMISE,
Not to bring other series into account or anything, but…

1-3 against Chan Gailey >> 25 years domination against Florida

by Truth: Sometimes, it sucks. on Mar 25, 2009 12:17 AM EDT reply actions

Ned’s D,

Unlike the idiots that attended the U, Florida grads understand the concept of “time value of money” and the importance of present value cash flows. U grads are still paying off college loans whilst Florida grads have already purchased a home, saved for their retirement, children’s college funds and are tooling around in late model luxury cars/trucks. The poor Luther Campbells of the world are subsisting on tainted cash for gold revenues.

The 80s aren’t coming back, but if you remember we beat you in Tampa the year you won your first national championship.

by Steve on Mar 25, 2009 10:08 AM EDT reply actions