CURIOUS INDEX, 3/23/2009

by Orson on Mar 23, 2009 9:52 AM EDT

And the library's cool. Since the entire college football universe has descended into the slow heat death of pre-spring, we remind you that when the season opens up, you must not forget the oddity of game one at the JerryDome, the BIGGEST TITTIES IN ALL A STADIUMDOM: Oklahoma versus Brigham Young University.

As nice as it undoubtedly will be to watch a game from seats made of pure platinum, it's a shame the game won't be played in Provo. You can't really drink there, but man, the buildings are so cool.

At practice: The Tahd, who reconvene for further processing today; Michigan is in full swing and working on special teams; How many windsprints Coach Gundy well of course the total is FORTY; Auburn is practicing, hallelujah, hallelujah.

Go-go-gadget legs! Charlie Weis will be on the sidelines next year and not in the booth as he was for the second half of this season, according to the Great Hemisphere himself. He may be forced back to the booth if his knees don't hold up, thus bringing us steps closer to having our second cyborg coach. (The first being Bobby Petrino, who demands your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle as the first part of his recruiting pitch.)

Jorvorskie Lane Remains Fat. Three hundred pounds worth of fat. Lane really screwed up his position in the draft, too, since blaming his lack of production on Mike Sherman would have been both easy and entirely credible to NFL scouts. Instead:

It probably cost him a draft choice," Tennessee Titans scout C.O. Brocato said. "It might have cost him five rounds."

Other than that, he's doing fine, and currently sipping a bucket of clotted cream before a light walking workout.

Fulmer Cup: To be assessed shortly: Cock Gets Stung in Weed Trap.

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The Eagles tried to turn DT Dan Klecko into a fullback. Surely they could find a place on the DL for Lane. He outweighs Klecko already.

by Harris on Mar 23, 2009 10:15 AM EDT reply actions

Ahhhh, springtime. Makes me thankful for the following:

1. The Chicken Curse is alive and well.
2. Charlie Weis is still fat and envious of Jaworski Lane.
3. The Chizik Era has started.
4. I didn’t have to listen to Billy Packer or Dick VItale this weekend. Or next.

by yoyofutbawl on Mar 23, 2009 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

All that video needed was the Quizno Subs sock puppet animal things.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 23, 2009 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

Its sad, because Lane is a capable RB in the mold of Bettis or Jamal Lewis, when he can just quit throwing down twinkies.

by DrB on Mar 23, 2009 4:21 PM EDT reply actions

@4 And his name is fucking Jorvorskie! He has to make it, just so I can yell Jarvorskie Lane! when he scores for my fantasy team. That is almost as much fun as Natrone Means.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 23, 2009 6:18 PM EDT reply actions

While I didn’t like that Sherman didn’t use J-Train, it is no one’s fault but Jorvorskies. Coach told him when he took the job last December that he wanted Jorvorskie at 265 lbs. J-Train didn’t come close (weighing 308 in spring ball) and getting down to the 285 range at the end of the summer. Over the summer chose to work out at home rather than in College Station, where he would have every possible resource at his disposal.

I loved Jorvorskie during his time at A&M, one of my favorite players of all-time, but he didn’t get it done off the field.

by AgRyan04 on Mar 23, 2009 10:10 PM EDT reply actions