We sat down with Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema for a springtime review of the Badgers going into the spring. We didn’t just talk football, though!

Q: Coach Bielema, how do you rebound from last season?

A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE INTO PHONE]

Q: Coach Bielema?

bretbong

A: Yeah, yeah. I’m here. Must have been some…interference on the call. What do you mean?

Q: Wisconsin went 7-6, going 3-5 in the Big Ten and losing its bowl game 42-14 to Florida State–

A: I dunno. You tell me if you’re so smart. I didn’t major in being a pussy, I majored in pussy.

Q: Well, that’s why I’m asking you. You’re the coach. Wait, did you just–

A: Fuckin’ right I am. I’m the coach. I piss where I say I’m gonna piss.

Q: Wait, did you just–

A: [sings in high voice quietly] craaaaaawling iiiin my skiiin…I fuckin’ love Linkin Park. You like ‘em, or you too cool to rock?

Q: I’m really trying to go back to that prior statement, you said you piss where you want to piss? What–

A: I extrapotated no such thing from my instatements. You’re the one inseminating, not me.

Q: Wait, I wanna go back and revisit that prior statement. You said, “I majored in pussy?”

A: I didn’t say that.

Q: No, wait, it sounded a lot like–

bretwithgun

A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH! [/giggles, sips something]

Q: I’m sorry, Coach. Are you–

A: I’m just kidding with you, man. Go ahead and ask your question.

Q: So I was going to–

A: I can’t help what you hear. All I know is that we’re gonna kick ass this year. That’s what TwoBeez is about.

Q: Does that reference your name? I’m confused–

A: No, it references my balls, dipnuts.

Q: I’m sorry?

A: We have a lot of work to do this spring and I’m looking forward to it.

Q: Thanks for joining us, Coach Bielema.

A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH!

Q: Excuse me, but–

A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE] [click!] [/dialtone]