SPRING Q AND A: BRET BIELEMA
by Orson on Mar 19, 2009 2:17 PM EDT
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PrintWe sat down with Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema for a springtime review of the Badgers going into the spring. We didn't just talk football, though!
Q: Coach Bielema, how do you rebound from last season?
A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE INTO PHONE]
Q: Coach Bielema?
A: Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Must have been some...interference on the call. What do you mean?
Q: Wisconsin went 7-6, going 3-5 in the Big Ten and losing its bowl game 42-14 to Florida State--
A: I dunno. You tell me if you're so smart. I didn't major in being a pussy, I majored in pussy.
Q: Well, that's why I'm asking you. You're the coach. Wait, did you just--
A: Fuckin' right I am. I'm the coach. I piss where I say I'm gonna piss.
Q: Wait, did you just--
A: [sings in high voice quietly] craaaaaawling iiiin my skiiin...I fuckin' love Linkin Park. You like 'em, or you too cool to rock?
Q: I'm really trying to go back to that prior statement, you said you piss where you want to piss? What--
A: I extrapotated no such thing from my instatements. You're the one inseminating, not me.
Q: Wait, I wanna go back and revisit that prior statement. You said, "I majored in pussy?"
A: I didn't say that.
Q: No, wait, it sounded a lot like--
A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH! [/giggles, sips something]
Q: I'm sorry, Coach. Are you--
A: I'm just kidding with you, man. Go ahead and ask your question.
Q: So I was going to--
A: I can't help what you hear. All I know is that we're gonna kick ass this year. That's what TwoBeez is about.
Q: Does that reference your name? I'm confused--
A: No, it references my balls, dipnuts.
Q: I'm sorry?
A: We have a lot of work to do this spring and I'm looking forward to it.
Q: Thanks for joining us, Coach Bielema.
A: WAX MY TRUCK, BITCH!
Q: Excuse me, but--
A: [LOUD FARTING NOISE] [click!] [/dialtone]
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I wonder what kind of rifle/cannon that is in the picture.
by Tim on Mar 19, 2009 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
2
Ten-uh-cee Possum Gun. Xmas gift from The Orgeron.
by yoyofutbawl on Mar 19, 2009 2:55 PM EDT reply actions
Ah, nothing like an accusation of plagiarism to make the day. Seriously, fuck March.
by Orson Swindle on Mar 19, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions
mmmmmm….. Madison in the spring time… the Betty’s are trying to get rid of the pasty white skin from the brutal winter…. add beer to the mix and Madison iss one hell of a place to be.
Add guns and beer and it mirrors are bretheran to the south…..
And he does piss where he wants to piss…..
Me thinks Barry, though, is the one that majored in pussy during his tenure at Madison
Peace out people
by The Holy Grail on Mar 19, 2009 3:56 PM EDT reply actions
Not to worry Orson, The Masters and opening day of Major League Baseball will be here soon for your viewing pleasure. Or you could always spend more time with TCOAN.
by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 19, 2009 4:02 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t get it. Could someone please explain the relevance of the Wisconsin coach acting like a beer funnelling moron? I don’t know anything about him.
by Oletex98 on Mar 19, 2009 4:04 PM EDT reply actions
To #9 He’s not a beer-funnelling moron, and no one here is saying he is.
Bret Bielema merely acts as an aid to beer-funneling sluts looking to have a good time in the back of his F250 after a big home win in Madtown. He then gives those sluts the boot after getting “the perfect BJ,” slugs down a 12 pack of camo-canned Busch beers and drunkenly hunts for deer in the darkness with nothing but his trusty jizzrag and Beretta 21 Bobcat.
Now tell me, what’s moronic about that?
by Jesus on Mar 19, 2009 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
@Tim
Thats a .55 Boys Anti-Tank Rifle. They were issued between the wars and rapidly phased out as tanks got more and more armor.
by Charles Taylor on Mar 20, 2009 6:14 AM EDT reply actions
To the guy in the funneling picture……“you wanna know how I know you’re gay? because you’re wearing red mittens with fury white balls hanging from them”
by PRN on Mar 20, 2009 9:56 AM EDT reply actions
bielema’s jizzrag. please pound that image from my aching brain.
by bamagreg on Mar 23, 2009 2:54 AM EDT reply actions
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