CURIOUS INDEX, 3/20/2009

by Orson on Mar 19, 2009 10:03 AM EDT

Gradulate. In case you're one of three people on the planet who hasn't watched it: Corrine Brown demonstrates why an education degree is really just tripling down on a high school diploma.

Let's pretend this never happened, except for the cape, which we crave envy and want want want.

Mike Leach Makes a Pitiful Speed Bump of Tact. NFL coaches are horrible, but only Mike Leach has the balls and complete lack of affiliation with the league to go ahead and say it. In response to the "can Graham Harrell take a snap from under center" question, Leach said this. They're words. They're interesting. Read them.

"You bring up easily the most pitiful NFL cop-out of all...and you can send that message to the whole NFL. Any coach who has ever said or uttered those words or considers that a concern, here's my message for them: How could you possibly look yourself in the mirror and consider yourself an NFL coach and not be able to teach a guy to run back three steps, five steps and seven steps? I can teach a child that!

"Any coach in the NFL who can't do that ought to be fired!"

And Leach wasn't done.

"I can do that," Leach said of teaching a quarterback to drop back. "I only need a three-hour window. I'll have a great clinic for all the NFL coaches who are so horrible that they can't teach a guy to take a snap under center and go backwards."

Thanks, coach! This will really help with recruiting top-notch quarterbacks, especially those who would like to enjoy some time in that league under the supervision of a few terrible coaches. Though he's right: NFL coaches are terrible, and only get worse over time as sleep deprivation and poor heart function shear off their brain cells one by one. Bill Parcells, toward the end of his career, likely had a functioning IQ in the high 80s. (So did Barry Switzer, but at least those 80 points were devoted towards things like fun, ruining the Cowboys, and urinating in every more inventive public locations.)

Raiding Public Records for Stories. UGA dismissed recruit Dexter Moody this past week, and public records watchdogging gets you the reason: foightin'! Sadly, he cannot blame his Irish heritage and St. Patrick's Day festivities for the tussle. Sta

Questions, Flame-Broiled. The most prominent of these being who will protect Tim Tebow's blind side (besides Jesus) with the graduation of Jason Watkins.

Come watch our shitty scrimmage. Boise invites all to watch what Chris Petersen describes as "ugly" football in their first scrimmage of the spring for the Broncos.

Tweet Comment 40 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

You didn’t really just try to make the gentlewoman from Florida look better by using that poor sweet girl from the Palmetto State did you? Shame on you…

by godawg on Mar 19, 2009 10:14 AM EDT reply actions

They’re both functionally retarded, GoDawg.

by Orson Swindle on Mar 19, 2009 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions

Forget March Madness. Nothing saps my productuvity like a tardy curiosity index.

And since when did Tebow have a blind side? That’s a joke, but the guy doesn’t exactly hang around in the pocket.

by Dubyadee on Mar 19, 2009 10:16 AM EDT reply actions

O, don’t insult Miss SC like that. She’s a harmless soph at Appy State, while Ms Brown is actually voting on matters of national security, which is damn scary and terrifying.

But that is one freakin’ badass cape. James Brown would be envious.

by yoyofutbawl on Mar 19, 2009 10:17 AM EDT reply actions

While the lack of functional english in a member of the US House of Representatives is bad enough. What really disturbs me is her constant referral to her WRITTEN PAGES OF TEXT while she butchers the english language. Was ‘gratulate’ and ‘sportmanship’ written on that page?

by macker on Mar 19, 2009 10:31 AM EDT reply actions

Wow, that’ll teach me to not double-check a comment I make about someone else’s English.

by macker on Mar 19, 2009 10:32 AM EDT reply actions

I’d like the floor to recognize that the gentlewoman from Jacksonville received her bachelor’s degree from FAMU.

The freudian slip of referring to the “BS…BCS” championship was classic though.

by zzgator on Mar 19, 2009 10:34 AM EDT reply actions

You want a cape? I can get you a cape, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me. Hell, I can get you a cape by 3 o’clock this afternoon… with orange and blue. These fucking amateurs…

by RaginCajunRebel on Mar 19, 2009 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

to the right honourable gentleman mr. swindle:

no . ..we cannot pretend this did not happen. a uf gradu-it got up before the u.s. house of representatives, wearing
an orange cape, and proceeded to maul, mangle, and massacre the english language. the gentle"lady" left her
mother tongue bashed and broken in a heap.

nothing has been beaten like that in congress since preston brooks caned charles sumner into unconciousness
in 1856 (except perhaps the truth from time to time). i remain,

sincerely,
c.scott

by c.scott on Mar 19, 2009 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

Swindle, we Bulldog fans will see your “ARP” and raise you one . . .one . . . whatever the hell that was.

/application of Mutually Assured Destruction theory to sidewalk alumni comparisons.

by MaconDawg on Mar 19, 2009 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

Go Gator!

by Percy Harvey's Gusty Play on Mar 19, 2009 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

I wan to gratulate…

Go gator.

LSHIBASB (laughed so hard I blew a snot bubble)

by johnny douche on Mar 19, 2009 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

Ms Brown’s English ranks right up there with the “Don’t Never Ever Enter” street sign that was next to Scott Field in Starksville back in 1970.

by yoyofutbawl on Mar 19, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

Macon Dawg—

That is a theory we can endorse wholeheartedly. The Red Phone is open for business.

by Orson Swindle on Mar 19, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

“How can…the Prime minister…support a law…that makes it illegal for people…who……
What I’m trying to say is.. Oasis rules!”

by PW on Mar 19, 2009 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

Tennessee fans will morn the passing of a great one: http://www.ajc.com/news/content/news/stories/2009/03/18/moonshiner_kills_self.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab&imw=Y

I checked on Wikipedia to see if a better photo existed but did not find a listing, sadly.

by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Mar 19, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

“Orson Swindle says:

They’re both functionally retarded, GoDawg."

While undoubtly true, it could certainly be viewed as an asset in one case and a “turribel” liability in the other…

by godawg on Mar 19, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

The Sporting News blog begins, “US Rep Corrine Brown…” any article regarding the girl up at App begins, hot beauty contestant.

Totally the same.

Both unintelligent, but nobody in the Carolinas is electing the blonde to national public office.

Or, what yowyow said.

by Coop on Mar 19, 2009 11:25 AM EDT reply actions

well we have another bust to bronze and place in the Gator Nation Academic Hall of Fame for Grammatical Incoherence… right next to Emmitt Smith….

by beckett929 on Mar 19, 2009 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

A prime example of the law of the conservation of misery.

“Misery cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.”

by Anonymous IV on Mar 19, 2009 11:35 AM EDT reply actions

Gradulation is awesome…

I’m serious here: where can I get a robe like that?

by ALGator on Mar 19, 2009 11:44 AM EDT reply actions

easy, guys. you can’t axe her to talk good just since she come from Florda and is in goverment….
at least she could be smokin-balls-hot like the blonde.

by Terry Tate, Office Linebacker on Mar 19, 2009 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

I have emailed congresswoman Brown in regards to where she purchased the robe…. stay tuned.

by ALGator on Mar 19, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

I’m embarassed to live in the state that woman represents. Scarier still: people voted for her?
Dude …. seriously …. WTF ?

by scalz1 on Mar 19, 2009 12:25 PM EDT reply actions

This is why FARK.com has a Florida tag.

So, how long before you guys elect her gov?

by Chrisgocomment on Mar 19, 2009 12:33 PM EDT reply actions

Considering that 10 years ago, Ted Kennedy couldn’t even get Michael Jordan’s name right, or for all of the times that Bush misspoke, this doesn surprise me at all.

That is why we need to drop the english language and go digital. Nothing but zeros and ones, baby.

by meatybob on Mar 19, 2009 12:56 PM EDT reply actions

And yes, I do suck at english.

by meatybob on Mar 19, 2009 1:02 PM EDT reply actions

Meatybob,

you think Mrs. Brown would do any better with numbers?

by tzubear on Mar 19, 2009 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

Coop:
You’re right. South Carolina only chooses lecherous, senile Clemson grads to represent it.

by robert on Mar 19, 2009 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

What the fuck is a Coich?

by Vol on Mar 19, 2009 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

Every time an SEC school doesn’t hire Mike Leach, I die a little inside.

by JD Hogg on Mar 19, 2009 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

Vol @ #30…I believe the proper spelling is “coarch”…what the fuck it is is mired in the cobwebs of the congresswoman’s skull case.

by sb on Mar 19, 2009 2:35 PM EDT reply actions

I stand corrected. However, one thing remains clear, and that is the Gator is “supurb to all the teams with the conferences they have played.”

by Vol on Mar 19, 2009 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

can we get some whoo-pig-sooies FOIA the official transcript?

by haveagreatday on Mar 19, 2009 3:52 PM EDT reply actions

Yes, Vol, the congresswoman is from the era that believed so long as you were speaking it mattered not what you said…like a very successful hostess I knew once proclaimed “Honey, so long as you give ‘em enough alcohol, you can feed ’em shit and they’ll love it!” Mzzz Brown is successfully singin’ that tune to our continual embarrassment and her ever increasing profit…

by sb on Mar 19, 2009 4:00 PM EDT reply actions