PEPPER WALKS THESE STREETS, A LOADED SIX-STRING ON HIS BACK

by Orson on Mar 18, 2009 11:57 AM EDT

Man, this is so rocking. I can feel it. It's all turning around now. We won the Hawaii Bowl. We got another recruiting class. I can wear real belts after a good spell of dieting. The sun's shining Charlie. It's shining like a big yellow jellybean on you. And now you're on stage with Bon Jovi.

This is so awesome. I get to sing this part. It's the Richie Sambora part.

WAAAAAANTEEEEEEDDDD!!!!

Now we've got 'em moving. Get the expectations up to a realistic level. Nobody on my ass about winning a national title. Yup, Charlie: nine games. That's what they can get. No Beano Cook blowing up the place looking for a crystal football hidden somewhere up my ass. Man, Charlie. It was looking pretty dim there for a while. Pretty dim. You lost to Chan Gailey, man. But here you are, rocking out with Bon Jovi on stage and...

Oh God. No.

NOOOOOO----

Pepper, The Notre Dame Comeback Dolphin: CHARLIE! UNDEFEATED!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOO UNDEFEAAAAAAATED!!!
A NATIONAL TITLE! WANTED! DEAD OR ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!

Bill Belichick: Charlie, you o.k.?

Charlie Weis: Just hallucinating again, Bill.

Bill Belichick: You really should start talking back to him, Charlie. I've gotten some of my best blitz packages from a talking monkey-dragon named Hlobar.

Charlie Weis: Oh yeah?

Bill Belichick: Yeah. Ask Kurt Warner if Hlobar's for real. Been with me since Cleveland. Best thing that ever happened to me. Isn't that right buddy?

Hlobar: REAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHKLLLBBBLLLAAADDDLLLLL!!!!! [/breathes fire, winks]

Tweet Comment 6 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

It’s no coincidence their biggest album was “Slippery When Wet”.

by Ground Zero East Lansing on Mar 18, 2009 12:23 PM EDT reply actions

i missed Pepper…
after the last couple seasons, shouldn’t they be singing “Blaze of Glory”?

by Terry Tate, Office Linebacker on Mar 18, 2009 12:29 PM EDT reply actions

I wish I hullicinated a tuxedo wearing dolphin who spoke in an irish accent, might make my life that much more worth living…

by Philip on Mar 18, 2009 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

I really did not think anything could make me like Bon Jovi or the Mike & Mike show until I caught them telling the story of how Bon Jovi got Weis and Belichick up on stage to sing that God awful song with him via an additonal $50K donation to that charity of Weis’.

Not bad

by Coop on Mar 18, 2009 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

IF Nick Saban were to be onstage with any band, it would be the Eagles and tree hugging Don Henley, singing some version of “Take it Easy”

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 18, 2009 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

“You give Irish alotta Shame”

Offensive genius mind is what you sell
You promise us heaven, then put us through hell
Clausens hair ,got some gel on me
When food is your prison, you cant break free

Whoa! You love a buffet line….yeah…
Oh! theres nowhere to run!
Without Golden Tait to save us
It will be 50 to none!

Chorus:
Clot through the heart
And youre to blame
You give Irish alotta shame
We pay your salary and you lose your games
You give Irish alotta shame
You give Irish alotta shame

Mozzarella smile on your lips
Mariana red sauce on your fingertips
A Pizza Huts dream, you’re not so shy
Your very first piece was your 10th piece goodbye

Whoooaaaa! You’re not a loaded gun,
Theres nowhere to run
No one can block them,
The Jimmah is done
(Repeat Chorus)

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 18, 2009 4:32 PM EDT reply actions