YOU’RE LOOKING LIVE: A SNEAK PEEK AT BRENT MUSBERGER’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Harper Collins is excited to announce they will be releasing Brent Musberger’s You’re Looking Live!: A Life On Air. Previews here are made available courtesy of Harper Collins and Mr. Musberger, whose colorful life story leaps off the page in a series of anecdotes told by the man himself without a ghostwriter or editor. Take it away, Brent!
Havana, 1973. The crystalline blue waters of Havana: they heal the soul. I’m there with Fidel, and the good times are flowing between the two of us like so much cheap government-subsidized rum in our glasses. I kid, folks: Fidel only drinks Bacardi Gold, and leaves the Cuban insecticide-laced pisswater to the little people who make it all happen. Natural leaders get natural privileges, Woody Hayes used to say, and I couldn’t agree more. That’s why I let him take my first wife for three years without saying a peep. Sometimes you fight for ‘em, and sometimes, you just let the bigger bear take the salmon.
“Brent, I’m thinking of turning this entire island into a rollerderby theme park.” He pissed off his balcony as he said this. Old Fidel just let it fly wherever. He used to tell me the podium at the UN had a groove worn in the back of it from his stallion’s stream he fired while giving one of his four hour speeches there. I checked one day. He wasn’t lying. The whole thing smells like cigars, rum, and gasoline. The smell of man.
I told him it was a great idea, and then threw the bottle off onto the sidewalk. There was a scream below. We laughed! Oh, how we laughed. Here’s the two of us last year at Fidel’s birthday. His hand does that in every picture of him, no matter what camera you’re using.

Kruger National Park, South Africa, 1990. I’m not saying our love was always right. But it was never wrong.
Nicaragua, 1984 Phyllis George had just left me, the season was over, and I needed someplace to die without having to kill myself. I rolled into Managua with $45 bucks, a rusty Glock, and all the pain a man could carry with him without breaking under its sad, inescapable gravity. I was no one. I wanted oblivion. This was it.

I hooked up with a ragtag bunch of boys. You called them Contras. Hell, I called them by their names: El Salchicha, the Condor, Dr. Sodomy, Peanut, Tim, Captain Bananas, and the Human Porch. I lived and fought with them for eight months. I relearned the song of life one note at a time: the basso profundo of a 120 pound bomb slamming into the side of a mountain, the baritone of a mortar, the high falsetto of a tracer whizzing by your head in the night.
I felt alive for the first time in the dark Nicaraguan night.
I had to leave when preseason cranked up and they started sending lawyers, guns, and money to find me, but if you’re ever in Managua…just tell ‘em El Pollo said hello.
Cape Town, 1990.
The post CBS period was difficult for me. I picked up work where and when I could, even with a crazy little startup out of some place I still can’t pronounce. Cutter? Gutter? It all sounds like sweet American when it’s getting you the rent money, even if you got trailed by the CIA and occasionally abducted for lengthy interrogations. This little gig paid for the beach house in Aruba. I’ll always owe them for that.
As for the banner? I’m not saying I’ve always been on the winning side of history, but pardner lemme tell you this: I’ve never sat on the sidelines, either.
You’re Looking Live! A Life on Air will be finished and in galleys in 3-18 months, depending on how the editing goes. Special Aroma-vision Version to be available for just $138.95 on Amazon.com and at all major booksellers nationwide.










1
yoyofutbawl says:
This beats Jim Tressel’s last vacation hands down. What an adventurer. I always had thought a wild excursion for Brent would be a road trip to Dayton for ice cream.
Next installment, please. We’re on our tiptoes waiting.
March 17th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
2
Philip says:
That was so much win I almost couldn’t handle it…
March 17th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
3
Geaux Irish says:
Excellent work! The writing about learning life one note at a time was well done. I could almost picture Brent saying that while swirling around a near empty glass of beer right before closing time.
March 17th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
4
sevenDs says:
While I do find this piece humorous, it would have been even better if you had embelished some. I remember Bono telling of that photo op during a U2 concert.
March 17th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
5
NRBQ says:
Outstanding.
Please, can Ron Franklin be next?
March 17th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
6
sb says:
Amazing that he omitted his “Jonestown Massacre” debacle…I mean, he’s been drankin’ the Kool-aid for ever…sure didn’t do him any harm…and that “Holiday in Cambodia”, Christ, there’s even a song about him, if he’s not gonna get into the meat of the story, then hell if I’ll buy the book…
March 17th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
7
Just another Michigan Man says:
Where was the mention of his assassination attempt on Gerald Ford in 75? His disdain for Michigan is widely known around these parts.
March 17th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
8
Jonathan says:
2 SA references, you are not palming the musburger off on us…
March 17th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
9
DrB says:
With at least 3 mentions of Clemson’s Esso Club and how much he likes their atmosphere and alcohol.
March 17th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
10
robert says:
Musberger was originally slated to succeed Brezhnev, but somehow Andropov managed to outdrink him….something our olllllllllllllllllllllllll’ buddy refuses to cop to till this day.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
11
El Kabong!!! says:
Rusty Glock? For shame, Orson. Your lack of firearms knowledge shines through, again.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
12
Orson Swindle says:
Damn you, rust-proof polymer frame.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
13
westbrooke says:
This is the best thing I’ve seen on the site in a long, long time. Take a bow, Orson. You’ve outdone yourself.
I’ve always had a really strong distaste for Musberger dating back to an early memory I have of watching an Olympic track and field trials heat in the 4×100 relay where the Americans were unfortunate enough to drop a baton pass. Musberger railed on and on about what a disgraceful performance it was and how ashamed those sprinters should be. I’ve never felt sorrier for athletes who were doing their damnedest to compete, nor more contempt for a commentator taking potshots from the sideline. To this day, I still can’t stand him and his fairweather commentary, even when it’s my team he’s verbally fellating.
For all of these reasons, memories of reading this will make me smile well into my fifth or sixth green beer tonight.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
14
meatybob says:
Sometimes, I sit back and think of all of thelesser people who are lost in the dearth of their simple mind for they have not be touched by the eternal grace of college football. They will never know the brilliance of “Roll Apartheid Roll” and instead resort to the banality of slate.com and the national review.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
15
JD says:
This rises to the level of DACOACHO and his Christmas poem. Spectacular.
March 17th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
16
allaha says:
El Kabong is right, a fact I am (almost) ashamed to know.
“lawyers, guns, and money” — an excellent recipe for many things, as well as a refrain from a decent song.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
17
WarChiziken says:
El Pollo?….no, my friend, that’s EL POLLO GIGANTE to you
March 18th, 2009 at 6:59 am