CURIOUS INDEX, 3/17/09

by Orson on Mar 17, 2009 9:25 AM EDT

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Eschew the standards and put some more kickass into your St. Patrick's Day with the Cowboy Song, which features a black Irish guy singing about being a cowboy who loves Mexican women. Nothng's more Irish than that.

Down to "merely fucking huge." LSU lineman and NFL prospect Herman Johnson, the man who stole our rap handle by being born as "the Biggest Baby Ever Born In Louisiana," was up around 400 pounds for the Senior Bowl. Since then he's cut weight by eating six small meals a day, which is why exactly six sheep a day have been disappearing from the student pens at LSU's vet school.

Mark Richt wants more beatboxing, Kangols. After a soft 2008 effort from Georgia, Mark Richt is vowing to go "old school" with their offseason practices in an effort to toughen Georgia up. The article also features a picture of Brandon Spikes owning Knowshon Moreno, which is always a beautiful thing to start off the day right and is full of vitamins and stuff. Considering Richt is a devout Christian, old school could mean cracking out the lash, getting smite-y, and borrowing other Old Testament vestiges for motivation. That pillar of salt? That used to be Clint Boling, but HE LOOKED BACK TO 2008.

World's worst porno lede: From the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Pitt's Wannstedt has some holes to fill

Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaaahhh...you know he does. Ma'am, I'm just a repairman, this...um...(cue music)

He would. He's done it before. Outgoing Nebraska qb Joe Ganz could not demand a starting job from Bo Pelini, because then Bo Pelini would have placed his hands on either side of his jaw, pulled with great force, and would have removed Ganz's skull from his body.

Ganz: "No, he would rip my head off.

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Bo Pelini: Head football coach of the Nebraska Corkhuskers… or rogue ninja on the run from the Lin Kuei. You decide.

Yep, I’m breaking out the mid-90’s Mortal Kombat references this morning.

by CincySooner on Mar 17, 2009 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

Kangols. snort

“Forget Oreos, eat Mark Richt cookies!”

by Rich on Mar 17, 2009 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

Ganz "had nothing but good things to say about his likely predecessor, junior Zac Lee. "

Likely predecessor? Good to see only the best and brightest are working at the Daily Nebraskan.

by Walt on Mar 17, 2009 10:06 AM EDT reply actions

this…um…you know what happens next.

He fixes the cable?

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 17, 2009 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

That LSU lineman sounds like nothing. In West Alabama, we actually live on pieces of Mount Cody.

I hope the crops we planted in his chest hair turn out this year, or it’s going to be a hard winter, I tell you what.

by King Cockfight on Mar 17, 2009 10:50 AM EDT reply actions

Orson

If you really want to wring that neck on your air guitar in true Irish style, might I recommend Lizzy’s ‘Emerald’.

by Phil the Brit on Mar 17, 2009 10:50 AM EDT reply actions

#5
No, he cleans the pipes…bow chicka bow woooowwwww (cue sleazy saxaphone music)

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 17, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

After reading the Herman Johnson story, with lines like “beauty contest” and “losing weight”, I swear my mind wondered to Herman Johnson telling Tyra to “kiss his ass” as he storms off of “America’s Next Top Model” in a huff.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 17, 2009 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

Marky Mark, is gonna kick it old school, with some good vibrations. Yeah boyyyeee!!!!

by skinnyphatman on Mar 17, 2009 3:00 PM EDT reply actions

Why does Mark Richt feel the need to dedicate each new season with some hopeless and ultimately ridicuous sounding theme or motivational ploy? And especially to imply last year’s team wasn’t tough enough…so after wiping out last year’s team with injuries sustained during spring and fall practice, he’s now hailed a new and improved manner of getting tough and going at it harder…if you lose a sixth of the team to injury, I guess it is possible to strive for a fifth or even going for a quarter…Hey, he can always retire back to south Florida if it doesn’t work…not that UGA would fire him after their string of blown hirings after Dooley. Go Dawgs! At least the coeds, for some of whom I feel a bit of compassion…or is it lust…well it was once, anyway…

by sb on Mar 17, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions