P.J. HILL RACES WISCONSIN TO THE FULMER CUP LEAD
Totally trashed at 2:29,
Cranked up and jacked on some fortified wine.
Police light flashes, adrenaline’s up,
P.J. Hill’s driving with booze in his cup.
The sun has gone down and his BAC’s up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he’s driving and striving and racking up points,
And the Fulmer Cup Leader that his antics anoint…
DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM
DUM
He’s giving resistance!
He’s hammered at speed!
Nine points (NINE POINTS!) tallied up in a single deed!
Because he’s racing and pacing and sideswiping cars,
He’s fighting and biting on the way home from bars,
He’s going the distance!
AAAAAAAHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH….
Eleven points for Wisconsin on two felony charges and three misdemeanors in a substantial string of charges stemming from one incident this weekend. No jokes about Big Ten running backs being slow and easily caught.
AU CONTRAIRE: Hill is not eligible for the points. But dammit, it would have been beautiful.
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1
Ground Zero East Lansing says:
Can we get a ruling? The article says that Hill already declared for the draft. Does he still count towards the Fulmer Cup?
Also, very apropos to see that Hill’s drunken driving is much like his running style – banging through Volkswagens, straight ahead into the distance.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
2
Darkknight says:
“Go Gator!” says congresswoman Corriene Brown.
Sidewalk alum, I’m guessing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N2uQ7Fg_Uk&eurl=http://igottarant.com/showthread.php?t=107246
March 16th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
3
Techie says:
Ok, Big Ten running backs are slow and easily caught.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
4
jacketexan says:
I think they should get the points anyway just because of that awesome Cake reference!
March 16th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
5
Brian O'Blivion says:
Slow, easily caught, and wears shirts with nebulous collars.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
6
Vol says:
Actually really badass Cake thing. Nicely done. Maybe next time you’ll put a player in a short skirt and a loooooooooooonnnnnnggg jacket!
March 16th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
7
The Dude says:
Word is he didn’t plan on driving home but Coach Bielema wouldn’t stop playing Guitar Hero at the bar. Son of a bitch!
March 16th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
8
The Dude says:
Also on a side note, may I recommend an additional point tally for being taken at “gunpoint”. Well done PJ
March 16th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
9
Walt says:
I think it’s fair to say this has moved PJ on to “former NFL draft prospect” status.
I think the “shirt” is actually the one size fits all drape often used to cover up questionable fashion choices.
March 16th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
10
west tex says:
it will take all the strength he has just not to fall apart
maybe he will meet someone in the pokey that will win his heart
In just a few months, I expect he will be free
Then he’ll be using all his strength at a blue collar job just like me
He will survive
He will survive
It won’t be in the NFL but I know he’ll be alive
March 16th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
11
MaconDawg says:
Jim Delaney would like to remind you that the Big 10 can’t recruit just anybody because they have standards and such. Obviously, the only reason this fine upstanding Big 10 footballer was caught was that, unlike his SEC counterparts, he’s not used to such felonious pursuits, and therefore stinks at them.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
12
White Speed Receiver says:
This isn’t living up to the standard of a Wisconsin RB. He didn’t assault a civilian. Absolutely unacceptable.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
13
NDTom says:
I hope the next DUI gets a rendition of stickshifts and safety belts
March 16th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
14
DAve says:
Lord only knows how many points he would have earned if he had bombed Korea every night.
March 16th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
15
Papa Lou BSU says:
Sheep go to heaven, Badgers go to hell…
March 16th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
16
DevilGrad says:
Hill could end up in jail wearing a short skirt and a long jacket.
March 17th, 2009 at 7:59 am
17
burgler says:
http://www.channel3000.com/sports/18942294/detail.html
Lost in the shuffle is the best bail condition ever – Hill may not “be in or around the Open Pantry involved in this incident.” Having spent three years in Madison, that is truly a loss; I know I’ve dropped numerous of dollars there on $6.00 packs of Marlboros and $3.00 40’s when toasted.
March 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am
18
Brian Reggie F'n Nelson says:
Too bad this doesn’t count. OWI, eluding, reckless driving – all pretty serious charges in their own right. But when the po-po busts you for “Operating without Headlights” you know you’re hosed.
March 17th, 2009 at 10:55 am
19
fresh says:
Rich Brooks thinks this is bullshit. Give them the points.
March 17th, 2009 at 11:51 am
20
The Subway Domer says:
Fucking brilliant. Bravo. More Cake please.
March 17th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
21
St. JImmy says:
Satan is my Motor.
March 17th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
22
beattherush says:
Hey! If he doesn’t have an agent yet, and the NFL draft is not started, he’s still NCAA eligible. Count the points. Be a shame to let that Cake reference go to waste, that was fine work.
March 17th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
23
Patrick says:
If you look at the list of charges, there’s one for recklessly endangering (the) safety. Who was with him?
March 17th, 2009 at 11:42 pm