P.J. HILL RACES WISCONSIN TO THE FULMER CUP LEAD

by Orson on Mar 16, 2009 5:18 PM EDT

Totally trashed at 2:29,
Cranked up and jacked on some fortified wine.
Police light flashes, adrenaline's up,
P.J. Hill's driving with booze in his cup.

The sun has gone down and his BAC's up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and racking up points,
And the Fulmer Cup Leader that his antics anoint...

DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM DUM
DUM
DUM

He's giving resistance!
He's hammered at speed!
Nine points (NINE POINTS!) tallied up in a single deed!

Because he's racing and pacing and sideswiping cars,
He's fighting and biting on the way home from bars,
He's going the distance!
AAAAAAAHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH....

Eleven points for Wisconsin on two felony charges and three misdemeanors in a substantial string of charges stemming from one incident this weekend. No jokes about Big Ten running backs being slow and easily caught.

AU CONTRAIRE: Hill is not eligible for the points. But dammit, it would have been beautiful.

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Can we get a ruling? The article says that Hill already declared for the draft. Does he still count towards the Fulmer Cup?

Also, very apropos to see that Hill’s drunken driving is much like his running style – banging through Volkswagens, straight ahead into the distance.

by Ground Zero East Lansing on Mar 16, 2009 5:28 PM EDT reply actions

“Go Gator!” says congresswoman Corriene Brown.

Sidewalk alum, I’m guessing?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N2uQ7Fg_Uk&eurl=http://igottarant.com/showthread.php?t=107246

by Darkknight on Mar 16, 2009 5:30 PM EDT reply actions

Ok, Big Ten running backs are slow and easily caught.

by Techie on Mar 16, 2009 5:34 PM EDT reply actions

I think they should get the points anyway just because of that awesome Cake reference!

by jacketexan on Mar 16, 2009 5:41 PM EDT reply actions

Slow, easily caught, and wears shirts with nebulous collars.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 16, 2009 5:51 PM EDT reply actions

Actually really badass Cake thing. Nicely done. Maybe next time you’ll put a player in a short skirt and a loooooooooooonnnnnnggg jacket!

by Vol on Mar 16, 2009 6:00 PM EDT reply actions

Word is he didn’t plan on driving home but Coach Bielema wouldn’t stop playing Guitar Hero at the bar. Son of a bitch!

by The Dude on Mar 16, 2009 6:05 PM EDT reply actions

Also on a side note, may I recommend an additional point tally for being taken at “gunpoint”. Well done PJ

by The Dude on Mar 16, 2009 6:08 PM EDT reply actions

I think it’s fair to say this has moved PJ on to “former NFL draft prospect” status.

I think the “shirt” is actually the one size fits all drape often used to cover up questionable fashion choices.

by Walt on Mar 16, 2009 6:32 PM EDT reply actions

it will take all the strength he has just not to fall apart
maybe he will meet someone in the pokey that will win his heart

In just a few months, I expect he will be free
Then he’ll be using all his strength at a blue collar job just like me

He will survive
He will survive
It won’t be in the NFL but I know he’ll be alive

by west tex on Mar 16, 2009 6:51 PM EDT reply actions

Jim Delaney would like to remind you that the Big 10 can’t recruit just anybody because they have standards and such. Obviously, the only reason this fine upstanding Big 10 footballer was caught was that, unlike his SEC counterparts, he’s not used to such felonious pursuits, and therefore stinks at them.

by MaconDawg on Mar 16, 2009 7:16 PM EDT reply actions

This isn’t living up to the standard of a Wisconsin RB. He didn’t assault a civilian. Absolutely unacceptable.

by White Speed Receiver on Mar 16, 2009 7:46 PM EDT reply actions

I hope the next DUI gets a rendition of stickshifts and safety belts

by NDTom on Mar 16, 2009 8:50 PM EDT reply actions

Lord only knows how many points he would have earned if he had bombed Korea every night.

by DAve on Mar 16, 2009 10:17 PM EDT reply actions

Sheep go to heaven, Badgers go to hell…

by Papa Lou BSU on Mar 16, 2009 11:33 PM EDT reply actions

Hill could end up in jail wearing a short skirt and a long jacket.

by DevilGrad on Mar 17, 2009 8:59 AM EDT reply actions

http://www.channel3000.com/sports/18942294/detail.html

Lost in the shuffle is the best bail condition ever – Hill may not “be in or around the Open Pantry involved in this incident.” Having spent three years in Madison, that is truly a loss; I know I’ve dropped numerous of dollars there on $6.00 packs of Marlboros and $3.00 40’s when toasted.

by burgler on Mar 17, 2009 9:45 AM EDT reply actions

Too bad this doesn’t count. OWI, eluding, reckless driving – all pretty serious charges in their own right. But when the po-po busts you for “Operating without Headlights” you know you’re hosed.

by Brian Reggie F'n Nelson on Mar 17, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

Rich Brooks thinks this is bullshit. Give them the points.

by fresh on Mar 17, 2009 12:51 PM EDT reply actions

Fucking brilliant. Bravo. More Cake please.

by The Subway Domer on Mar 17, 2009 1:51 PM EDT reply actions

Satan is my Motor.

by St. JImmy on Mar 17, 2009 2:53 PM EDT reply actions

Hey! If he doesn’t have an agent yet, and the NFL draft is not started, he’s still NCAA eligible. Count the points. Be a shame to let that Cake reference go to waste, that was fine work.

by beattherush on Mar 17, 2009 4:05 PM EDT reply actions