FULMER CUP: UCLA DISOBEYS NO TOUCHING RULE

by Orson on Mar 16, 2009 11:04 AM EDT

There are no facts in life, only correlation. Okay, this may be an exaggeration: God hates Florida State, handicapped people are inevitably atrocious drivers, and mixing red and white wine on the same night will give you a Hitchens Headband like nothing you've ever experienced. These are three actual facts. We feel safe in assuming the rest of the universe is correlation and little more.

Correlation: Rick Neuheisel gets a job coaching football, and players begin getting in trouble. New data points, presented:

Woods, a 19-year-old freshman, was charged with two counts of sexual battery and four counts of battery. He could face up to one year in jail for each sexual battery charge and six months for each battery charge.

That's E.J. Woods, a freshman corner who racked six possible misdemeanors in a series of alleged gropings and subsequent encounters with those who thought his man coverage was a little too tight and crossed the line into holding of an unlawful sort. This really is the first major tiff for Neuheisel at UCLA in what has thus far been a tranquil stay for him in Westwood, a stay which has nothing to do with past program mismanagement since everyone deserves a second chance, and then a third, and possibly a fourth if you're feeling charitable.

Woods will be arraigned on April 6th, so for the meantime we award UCLA a conservative six points in the Fulmer Cup, and refuse to attach current trouble at UCLA to Neuheisel's past programmatic troubles, because that would be unfair, especially when we're talking about a hot, toned MILF like Neuheisel.

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“Nice try, kid, but I’m still the king.”

— Jerramy Stevens

by Harris on Mar 16, 2009 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

“Hot, toned MILF….” automatically think of Rick….

by The Holy Grail on Mar 16, 2009 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

“since everyone deserves a second chance, and then a third, and possibly a fourth if you’re feeling charitable”

Kelvin Sampson and Jim Harrick approve this message.

by MaconDawg on Mar 16, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

So is “Hitchen’s Headband” another word for “gin blossoms” or those of us who are old (30+) and who could care less about this whole id vs. evolution debate?

by meatybob on Mar 16, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions

I feel much better now. There was an imbalance in the force.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 16, 2009 11:41 AM EDT reply actions

Preseason #5, finally making some noise.

http://www.miamihawktalk.com/home/news/story/9253/

by DevilGrad on Mar 16, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

Don’t worry Rick – There’s always cash in the banana stand.

by PSUrob on Mar 16, 2009 12:20 PM EDT reply actions

Out of Left Field Dept:

Mixing baseball with basketball on footbaw fan site:

USC whacked ucla in basketball game on the way to winning Pac 10 B-Ball championship.
Pete Carroll went into the locker room and jacked everybody up. ucla had no chance after that pep talk.
Pete C was chucking and jiving, slapping and clapping, crackin’ and smakin’ (…running out of rhymes…)

(I know, I know, nobody cares about this except a few of us die-hard USC fans. Now back to our regularly scheduled de-programming.)

by Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me on Mar 16, 2009 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

UCLA’s football team scored six points? That must be some kind of record.

by JD on Mar 16, 2009 1:12 PM EDT reply actions

Well, looks like the cows have finally come home to roost. Now onto Victory!
Once you get the arrest,especially felonies, you get the wins, mainly on the college level….It takes a really special kinda player to push the legal envelope, and those players eventually make it to the NFL to play for the Bengals.
Wonder how much Rick will win this year off of the brackets?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Mar 16, 2009 1:39 PM EDT reply actions