CURIOUS INDEX, 3/12/09

by Orson on Mar 12, 2009 9:40 AM EDT

Run, Fat Boy, Run. Andre Smith's pro day did NOT go well, though you'd hardly know it from al.com's "well, at least he didn't vomit while running" summation of the day. Smith ran with his shirt off. This was a mistake.

According to PFT, Smith lost "millions" in the words of an AFC East scout, who being from the northeast is not at all prone to exaggeration when it comes to things. ("There's no deli like Luttmann's! Bear Stearns is FINE! There's Springsteen, and there's everyone else!")

Darius Heyward-Bey, however......will likely complete the hat trick of running a fast 40, deluding pro scouts about his lack of hands and collegiate production, and then cashing a huge signing bonus before going on to a meh-ish pro career. It's happening, and we couldn't be happier, because things making NFL GMs look like paint-chugging fools make us smirre.

This is West Virginia. We're serious about grammar. West Virginia offensive coordinator Jeff Mullen says respect yo diction, son, in regards to discussing West Virginia's uncertain depth chart past starting qb Jarrett Brown and starting RB Noel Devine.

Yet Mullen has kept his sense of humor. Ask him, for instance, about his 2009 crop of quarterbacks and running backs.

"You mean running back? Quarterback?'' he deadpanned. "Careful with those plurals.''

The Bill Stewart era: a fun-filled coal cart ride straight from the scene in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, except you don't know if you're going to fly harmlessly over the pits of pure flame, or dive headlong into them.

Oregon juggling offensive linemen. They're heavy, they don't like being thrown in the air, and everyone hates a juggler anyway, because people who juggle at parties are likely to break out the hippie sticks, hacky sack, or other pitiful prehistoric toys designed to get people to sleep with you at ren fairs. But Oregon has to juggle linemen this spring after losing three starters to graduation and two likely fall starters to springtime injury.

You can spell math without "MAC". Math continues to befuddle the schedule gods at the MAC.

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The MAC is as bush league as it gets…

On the other hand, it’s Miami of Ohio… what do you expect?

by The MAC on Mar 12, 2009 10:38 AM EDT reply actions

Let’s just say there are reasons why the MAC commissioner is “resigning” effective in June as a 47-year-old man without another job lined up. But I expect more from Miami, and our history and tradition suggest that Miami should live up to those expectations. There are no excuses for my athletic department, and I’m too embarrassed even to joke about it.

by DevilGrad on Mar 12, 2009 10:51 AM EDT reply actions

Awww, who wouldn’t want to juggle these guys?

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/04/24/oregon-linemen-make-a-calendar-so-hot-you-will-die-looking-at-it/

I once moved into a new house and thought the neighbor was an ok guy. Then I saw him playing with “devil sticks” on a Friday night. That was pretty much the end of that.

by Big Jon on Mar 12, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions

Concerning this…

“who being from the northeast is not at all prone to exaggeration when it comes to things. ("There’s no deli like Luttmann’s! Bear Stearns is FINE! There’s Springsteen, and there’s everyone else!")”

According to David McCullough’s book 1776, even George Washington hated his soldiers from the northeast. For me, Springsteen is like baseball. I don’t hate either one, but I am incredibly bored by both. Seriously, how does a guy get that famous by mumbling thru every song?

by meatybob on Mar 12, 2009 12:31 PM EDT reply actions

Michael Stipe and Bob Dylan have no idea what you’re talking about, bob.

by DevilGrad on Mar 12, 2009 12:35 PM EDT reply actions

225 lbs 19 times isn’t all that great for a lineman either. He outweighs me by over 100 lbs and I can do 15 reps. I shoulda been a lineman. Damn you, fate.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 12, 2009 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

Oh, Christ. The Eagles are hosting Heywood-Bey for a private workout AND they’ve been attached to Percy Harvin, because there is no surer bet in the NFL than a Florida WR. I guess after trading away one oft-injured elf Lito Sheppard, they’re afraid Brian Westbrook will get lonely.

by Harris on Mar 12, 2009 1:42 PM EDT reply actions

According to nfl.com, Dre’s 19 reps tie PERCY FUCKING HARVIN’s 19 reps at the combine.

WTF

by Tater Salad on Mar 12, 2009 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

I read “Oregon juggling offensive linemen” as “Orgeron juggling offensive linemen.” But that would not surprise me to see Coach Orgeron playing with his food.

by Anonymous IV on Mar 12, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions