A NOTE ABOUT PROGNOSTICATION SEASON
Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat
It’s time to slowly roll out rosters and begin plugging names into the little sim models you have running in your head, but as you do remember one thing: assume nothing. Or as little as possible. Looking at last season, we thought a lot of things were near-certainties, like LSU’s unstoppable talent winning out over coaching changes and lack of an established qb, or Georgia’s invincibility pre-injury, or that Mizzou’s defense would materialize from nowhere and turn them into something other than a very accomplished gang of shootout artists.
We all think the Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs pose no threat. And yet, every season, they come to spit acid at us, toss cars as if they were toys, and do shocking things like beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. Remember them, citizen, and listen to your inner Jeff-Goldblum-as-motormouthed-eccentric-genius when casting an eye to next season.
Sporting News Bits:
–Hey, Dhani Jones is dressed extremely impractically, but with reason, as he has stolen my dream job.
–What on earth could such a witty license plate mean? Given the sagacious Seminoles, there’s simply no fathoming it!
Loading ...
1
JimHalpert says:
I’m glad to see that Dhani, who stars in “Dhani Tackles The Globe”, had a great time learning about different cultures while filming “Dhanin Tackles The Globe” and using his show, “Dhani Tackles The Globe”, to provide a window into other cultures’ competitions, which can be seen on “Dhani Tackles The Globe”.
March 11th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
2
Orson Swindle says:
Hey, it’s his first show. He’ll get better at slipping the title in there.
March 11th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
3
BurritoBrosShits says:
Compared with the buxom bimbo on the other new Travel Channel show, Dhani seemed to be able to have a conversation. Looking forward to this show, as it looks awesome. The clip of him riding a horse is insane.
March 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
4
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Man, I wish I had that gig for a 2nd job. Syndication, Dhani, syndication is where the money is at.
At least that is what Oprah says.
His next show will be called “Dhani Californication” where he travels to all the usual tourist traps and beats the crap outta people.
March 11th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
5
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Oh for the prognastication part: Their is a wide margin of error for Alabama, based on the schedule, there could be as many as 3 losses on there or as little as one. All depends if VT is any good at all, or if LSU can get a QB, if Auburn can run some form of “any offense”, spread or no spread, Ole Miss goes bat shit crazy for no apparent reason, and if Tenn can get a QB not named Crompton on the field. After watching all the talent that Auburn and LSU had on defense go to waste on a piss poor offense and QB play, I think we may be set up for some sort of heartache, even at home if we cant get a legit SEC style QB/Game manager to get the offense rolling, or its 3 and Out City til our defense breaks down.
Expectations? Lowered considerably since the getting beat over the head by the Book of Mormon, Polynesian edition. Half the schedule is easy, the hard games are at home at least. We will find out during the “I’m Addicted to Chik-fil-A Kickoff Classic”
March 11th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
6
Harris says:
Dhani was a popular whipping boy here in the Illadelph, but I always liked him. He was a lousy SAM (playing out of position), but at least he was interesting. If you’re not going to play well, at least be smart and funny. And I’m fairly certain my wife wants to sit on his face, which is kind of a mixed bag for me.
March 11th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
7
Croc says:
I predict Jim Tressle will have a new entourage, of foul mouthed crack whores, he reefers to as his Mojo.
March 11th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
8
softbatch says:
How close is a “razor-clawed bioengineered crab” to a “tarantulaleapingcrab-bot”?
I think this means good prospects for BEEEEEEEEEES!
March 11th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
9
Counter Trap says:
Non-Crabs: Miami (of Fluriduh), Louisville, Missouri, Washington St., Any school where Lou Holtz formerly coached, Colorado, West Virginia.
Crab: GA Tech (this is my only sure thing this year).
March 11th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
10
AERose says:
Cal will go to the Rose Bowl and furthermore I believe USC should be destroyed. I will not compromise my beliefs with doubt.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:13 am
11
Phocion says:
I think there is a lesson in the license plate story for all of us: Be really specific in the conditions of your bets because even the dumbest of your friends will find a way to attempt to save face given enough time.
March 12th, 2009 at 7:33 am
12
Jebus says:
Non-crabs:
Michigan State, Ohio State- too many losses of key players, I fear.
Crabs:
As always, USC will devastate all but one of their opponents, and lose to some team they have no business losing to, keeping them from the MNC game. ALABAMA will be your king crab this year.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:42 am
13
yoyofutbawl says:
Pelican-
First, Ole Miss, like UPig, will always be batshit crazy because of their coach. Beating LSU as a big underdog one week and losing the next week when favored by 14.
How does McElroy look? Or is there someone else other than a FR QB, as they normally don’t do well in the SEC.
Finally, VT will give you all you want and more. Beamer won a shitpot conference after losing 17-18 starters, but he still won. There will be no Bowden pussying out from a Beamer team.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:46 am
14
zzgator says:
I just wonder what explanation of that license plate was offered to the Florida DHSMV? I, too have a personalized UF tag and you have to explain what it means to get the tag approved. This prevented me from getting my first choice, attempted following the loss to USCe after Spurrier went there…FUSOS.
March 12th, 2009 at 10:05 am
15
AERose says:
Coach Bellotti has retired at Oregon and Chip Kelly is now the head coach as per the succession plan. It’s all falling into place. I can already see it: Marcus Ezeff creates yet another turnover at a crucial junction, allowing Cal to win it’s second nailbiting win over Oregon in Autzen. And this year we won’t completely fall apart in every conceivable way afterward!
March 13th, 2009 at 8:13 pm