WE MAY HAVE A NEW FAVORITE PUNTER

by Orson on Mar 10, 2009 12:04 PM EDT

College football denizens, we only have one year left with Zoltan Mesko, the Space Emperor of Michigan and senior punter whose fantastic name and excellent punting are but an accessory to his role as ruler of several of the galaxy's sexiest quadrants. While he has been kind enough to entertain we puny mortals for this long, we must sadly prepare to find a new Most Favored Punter, and the search cannot begin soon enough.

Space Emperor fake punt sneak attack against Notre Dame!

Fortunately for us, we have a new leader: Dawson Zimmerman, the punter for Clemson keeping a journal of his spring practice thoughts for Scout. Negatives: despite the last name, Zimmerman is not Jewish, and therefore not a member of the treasured pantheon of Legendary Jewish Punters like Hayden Epstein, Josh Miller, and...yes, Hayden Epstein. Bonuses: he's flexing that 710 reading comprehension score like there's no tomorrow.

MARCH 9 - Today, I ran out onto the brown dead grass and thought to myself— my time has come at last. The freezing temperatures have come and gone, mat drills have concluded, and it is now time for me to become immortal. An apotheosis, if you will.

HALF PUNTER; HALF GOD. Dabo Swinney has them thinking big at Clemson. If Zimmerman drops lines like "A live football and a dead one have the same number of particles," we'll know they're buying in at a frightening rate to the Swinney superhero plan.

Tweet Comment 10 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Zoltan kept us Michigan fans that live in Iowa so very drunk this year, the only reason we were able to cheer for the Wolverines this year. Each time he punted it was a shot of Rumplemintz… which we thought went along great for a name like Zoltan Mesko. The bottle was so empty after the run agaisnt Notre Dame… thank God a drunken hazyness accompanied the season — except for the chant “All Hail Zoltan…. King of the Universe….” “Zoltan… ah haaaa… King of the Universe”

Now watch Flash Gordon and just insert Zoltan….

by The Holy Grail on Mar 10, 2009 12:33 PM EDT reply actions

Oh yeah baby, fear Zimmerman.

OTG is still on his side.

by DrB on Mar 10, 2009 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

Zoltan Mesko is the best punter name I’ve seen since Zenon Andrusyshyn (UCLA). There’s something about names that start with a Z.

by Brian O'Blivion on Mar 10, 2009 12:53 PM EDT reply actions

Twenty bucks says Dabo Swinney does not now have, nor will he ever have, a fucking clue what an “apotheosis” is.

by Doug on Mar 10, 2009 12:56 PM EDT reply actions

Kiffykins might be our new hero at Clemson

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/sec/0-5-172/A-peek-into-recruiting-with-South-Carolina-s-Jeffrey.html

by DrB on Mar 10, 2009 1:02 PM EDT reply actions

Kneel before Zoltan!

by Ray on Mar 10, 2009 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

yep… Zimmerman will go mad and kill his World Music teacher with his Guitar Hero controller any day now.

by CincySooner on Mar 10, 2009 1:12 PM EDT reply actions

The matchup for Ruler of The Known Universe -

Space Emporer Zoltan Mesko vs. Barkevious Mingo The Magnificent.

by yoyofutbawl on Mar 10, 2009 1:52 PM EDT reply actions

Wasn’t it Zoltan who turned Tom Hanks from a 12 year old into a young adult who got to have sleepovers with attractive professional women? Wanna play?

by sb on Mar 10, 2009 2:02 PM EDT reply actions