Julio Jones, turbofreakbot wide receiver for Alabama who shone despite having to catch loopy, errant passes from the heartbreakingly beautiful John Parker Wilson this fall, has been elected to the Alabama Student Senate despite no being on the ballot, not campaigning a lick for the seat, and stating no interest in the seat prior to his election.

“He did not campaign, to my knowledge, as a write-in candidate, but he got write-in votes for every office and most senate seats,” she said.

alabamaman5ri
Barkley/Jones now, Barkley/Jones forevah!

Given the rump parliament of retards, kiss-ass ninjas, fuckwits, slaglobed shitboxers, lizard people, and sluts who ran student government at Florida, we assume the Alabama Student Government must be populated with the same type of half-people who always seem to pop up for these things. Julio Jones is therefore more qualified than any of them since on the open market his pass-catching skills and exceptional athleticism will earn him tens of millions of dolllars at the least in the NFL. That’s value, people, something you won’t find in someone who gets really excited about sticking it to the Chess Club by cutting their budget.

Therefore: congrats to Alabama for electing someone of actual economic worth. Charles Barkley could totally pull off the governorship, especially if he just starts talking and runs on a campaign of things like “Who hasn’t gotten a DUI in the name of chasing an adulterous blowjob?”, “That thing that makes you mad? It’s someone else’s fault,” and “I will kill those bastards at the EPA for ruining your prize tomatoes by banning SevenDust.” That should cover all the key demographics there. Add Jones as the lieutenant governor, and we’re talking blowout here.