FULMER CUP: OKLAHOMA LINEBACKER BLITZES THROUGH THE P GAP
Pissing outside is great. If you really want to make a woman jealous, just pee outside in front of her. She’ll likely say, AHHHHHHH WHO ARE YOU I’M CALLING THE COPS. But underneath the skeeved-out fright and cloud of pepper spray, what she’s really trying to say is “Gee, I wish I could pee outside like that. It would be so much more convenient than what we have to do! And my, I’m so impressed I’m not going to press charges!”
Austin Box, Oklahoma linebacker and redshirt freshman, had at least one admiring witness to his display of male urinary superiority: an officer of the Norman PD. Box was cited for the rather dramatic charge of “outraging public decency.” Whether public urination is included in this umbrella charge or if Box had “FUCK YOUR GOD AND YOUR WHORE MOTHER” written in bold letters on his penis is unknown, but it earns one point for Oklahoma in the Fulmer Cup.
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1
BurritoBrosShits says:
He should get another point for being named Austin Box. Either that or points shouldn’t be given at all since this is so lame. SELL MORE DRUGS DAMN IT!!! I WANT REAL CRIME, NOT THIS PETTY BULLSHIT!
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:49 am
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sb says:
Actually there is something extremely liberating about letting fly unbounded by walls…even if it “outrages public decency”. Box… takin’ it to the man, right before the man took it to him.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:50 am
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Coop says:
So, you can whip it out in the middle of the fairways at the most elite country clubs, or just golf clubs, in the world, but you cannot whip it out in front of a girl in her front yard? F’d up.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:57 am
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BurritoBrosShits says:
If I had a dollar for times I’ve pissed in someone’s lawn in the Highlands I’d be a millionaire. My rationale was that during drought conditions, any liquid will do. Hey, I’m watering your lawn asshole, I should fine you.
March 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 am
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Crabapple Buck says:
I will assume that the police officer has never worked the beverage cart at any golf club. She has seen more dicks than a $20 hooker in Vegas. If our membership was fined for every time that they were answering nature’s call without use of the club provided facilities, we could add another wing to the clubhouse. Oh well, get your points where you can.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:06 am
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Orangeblood says:
If there’s one thing I miss about my days at UT, it’s Austin Box.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am
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sonofsamford says:
The law would prefer that you just go in your pants.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:15 am
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Dave says:
My senior year at Auburn I saw this kid, whom I assumed to have been a freshman from the state of Georgia, relieving himself in a corner at Funchess Hall. He had apparently mistaken one of the stragetically placed spitoons for some sort of latrine.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:16 am
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Brian O'Blivion says:
The cop could only read “FUCK MOTHER” at the time of the pissing.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 am
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Terry Tate, Office Linebacker says:
I once got arrested for “urinating in public” in VA, and spent the night in the drunk tank. When they were lining us all up to post bond and get court dates, the magistrate called me up to her desk, and asked the arresting officer what had happened. When the officer told her, she asked me if it was true, and i said no- i didn’t urinate.
The magistrate then calmly asked the officer “Well, did you see him urinating or not? Did you see urine coming out of his penis?” He replied, “No ma’am, when i arrived on the scene he had his back to me standing at the top of a long and growing stream of urine.” The magistrate replied “Well, if you didn’t see him urinate, then he didn’t break any laws, now, did he?”
She then apologized and sent me on my way.
Awesome small town Virginia… If only Mr. Box would have known he could fight it if only he’d turned his back…
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:37 am
11
MikeLew says:
Pissin’ outside is very liberating…..especially into the snow.
Orson- what are you going to do with the Fulmer Cup points accrued for OSU players getting arrested for “drug paraphernalia”, since the charges are getting dropped, because it was actually just a pipe?
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
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DevilGrad says:
That’s fine, but do be sure to follow Frank Zappa’s advice.
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
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Texugan says:
After looking at this post in some Third World Country, Tim Tebow is being reprimanded for cutting apart a computer screen.
March 3rd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
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Vairish84 says:
I thought it was the law in Oklahoma that you had to piss outdoors. Maybe that was West Virginia. Did he misspell whatever it was he was trying to write? Perhaps that was the problem.
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:52 pm
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NRBQ says:
Dave:
If you assumed he was from Georgia, you must also have assumed he was at Auburn to play football.
March 3rd, 2009 at 9:14 pm
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Hulon says:
I think these points should go to Austin Peay University instead.
March 3rd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
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Hulon says:
If it was a bonghorn he’d gotten off for lack of evidence
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
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cyclonestate says:
In iowa, urinating in public gets you added to the sex offender list.
Of course, there are some weird laws here. Sororities must disband during the summer, because of some law about a certain number of unrelated girls living in the same house year round constitutes a whore house.
March 4th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
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ThatswhatIThought says:
Isn’t that what a sorority house is?
March 20th, 2009 at 2:52 pm