CURIOUS INDEX, 2/27/09

by Orson on Feb 27, 2009 10:20 AM EST

Spurrier's Staff Gets Money/Money/Money. The South Carolina Gamecocks coaching staff sans Steve Spurrier's salary will pick up over $2 million in total payouts this year for fourth place SEC East performance. But you really can't put a monetary value on this kind of performance:

Further Spurrier: Michael has some quibbles and clarifications on Smart Football's piece about Spurrier's strategies and the risks associated with an aggressive offense. The grand strategic question for us is: is it universally true that minimizing possessions in a role as underdog always makes sense? It makes sense if you're Navy going up against Florida, but what if you're Texas Tech playing an Ohio State?

We'd like to have a word with your creepy Svengali. Brian Butler, non-agent/adviser/half-guru to the stars of high school football, is being investigated by the NCAA. Sketchy manager of gullible adolescent talent! Hamfisted, half-there regulatory council without any real enforcement power! WHO WILL WIN?

Beano Cook still wants to beat your ass, and could. Beano Cook and Ivan Maisel give good podcast, something we were reminded of as we listened to them in between doing the dishes and watching 30 Rock last night. You learn new things all the time: why, just last night we were reminded that former Pitt coach Walt Harris is now an assistant at Akron, and that Larry King has a surprisingly good sense of humor about his obvious and creeping insanity.

Ingenious Prank Strategies. Hey, Ted! Let's strap magnets to Steve's head and see what happens! It works on crocodiles!

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After stumbling out of Jordan-Hare Stadium with blood pressure 50 points higher than it had been before the game and a good five years taken off my life, the Lateral of Doom was just what I needed to put a smile back on my face. I didn’t even care that I had the Gamecocks +21; it was good to laugh again.

by Doug on Feb 27, 2009 10:27 AM EST reply actions

Since TT seems to melt when confronted by any defense that offers actual resistance, it would seem they would want more possessions. This is assuming you consider them underdogs.

Tressel has been quoted that the punt is the most important play in football due to the change in field position. This may explain our offense when we have QB’s not named Troy Smith under center. This will change with Terrelle Pryor as long as he can demonstrate any ability to throw forward passes to his own receivers and read defenses. You know, things good QBs do during a game.

by Crabapple Buck on Feb 27, 2009 10:49 AM EST reply actions

Brian Butler is the sketchy non-agent – Bryce Brown is his current non-client.

by Crazy Joe on Feb 27, 2009 11:06 AM EST reply actions

There was something almost… majestic in that uncoordinated heave across the field and the subsequent dazed and stumbling pursuit of the bouncing ball, doomed to failure as Smith swooped in to lay hands on the pigskin… then I realized I had my speakers on but turned low, and that was just Chariots of Fire stacking the deck. That’s what good music and editing can do for you.

by westbrooke on Feb 27, 2009 11:24 AM EST reply actions

I learned that Tracy Jordan, star of Who Dat Ninja, has high school education.

by Raleigh Urbain on Feb 27, 2009 11:28 AM EST reply actions

i love the lateral play/fuck-up, but come on- Chariots of Fire? really?

by Terry Tate, Office Linebacker on Feb 27, 2009 11:41 AM EST reply actions

Well Steve’s staff deserves it, since he is the anointed one at Sakerlina…..anyone who can win 7 games there might as well be God himself.

They think throwing more money at new assistants will break the Chicken Curse.

by DrB on Feb 27, 2009 12:14 PM EST reply actions

Only .14. He always did underacheive. Snip-snap.
http://www.ajc.com/sports/content/sports/uga/stories/2009/02/27/quincy_carter_arrested.html

by teddy dupay on Feb 27, 2009 1:04 PM EST reply actions

Allen Bailey likes the ideas of having magnets ontop of the heads of alligators/crocodiles.
Makes it that much easier to kill with a shovel since the shovel is actually attracted to the head now.
(makes note to self to attach magnets inside of Brandon Spikes helmet)

Chariots of Fire? I would have used Yakety Sax.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Feb 27, 2009 1:26 PM EST reply actions

Yeah, Rex Grossman has been working the old “magnets on brain, I so confused!!!” excuse for years now.

by MaconDawg on Feb 27, 2009 1:27 PM EST reply actions

In three hours and 8 minutes, the correct time will be……56 to 6.

by yoyofutbawl on Feb 27, 2009 1:56 PM EST reply actions

Thanks Orson,
I guess now Tebow will be getting a lot of free, but strangely heavy, hats in the mail. Later he’ll be photographed on a drunken bender hanging with some whores.

by Croc on Feb 27, 2009 2:19 PM EST reply actions