CURIOUS INDEX, 2/25/09

He's made a mistake, and he's sorry for it OH GOD RANDOM PITBULL ATTACK. Frank Beamer invites attack from the Pit Bull Mafia for continuing to have Mike Vick's back after his conviction on dogfighting charges. They strike when you're least expecting it, Frank, and sometimes leap from nearby buildings like mountain lions.

They also morph into rappers and hangers-on when you least expect it. Man, that's acting!

Beamer also reiterated why the Skoal Bowl--the proposed matchup between Tennessee and Virginia Tech at 150,000 seat Bristol Motor Speedway--will never happen, and that is because Tennessee already draws 100K at their digs, and would have to split ticket revenue with Virginia Tech. Their new 28 member, $72 million coaching staff ensures that home games will be at a premium, and that seat licensing for the next four hundred years is surely an idea goatfucking Mike Hamilton will leave on the table.

"How do you feel about LYING WHORE ASSISTANTS? Jim Leavitt interviews two more for slots on the USF coaching staff, and makes sure they see the machete hanging over his door, which he only uses to cut the occasional weed in his backyard. Oh, and the necks of assistants who dare flirt with other programs. Boston College likes yo style, Gunga Jim.

Ah, ze old co-co. Greg Schiano is delegating power down to his coaches on defense and also naming co-coordinators on offense. He plans to his new free time doing exactly what you would do with all that free time: coasting the cool currents of the internet looking for amusing animated gifs, hitting on Debra, swallowing sadness, and bombing the Russians. Like a boss.

This doesn't sound like a man adjusting positively. This sounds like a man developing the early signs of difficulty operating new electronic equipment:

"What's amazing to me coming back to college is how kids today really have a hard time facing reality," said Sherman, who spent 12 years in the NFL before returning to A&M where he had been an assistant. "They have a hard time being honest with themselves."

Lawns, the need to get off them, Reader's Digest, good hemorrhoid treatments, Zocor, etc.: what's on Mike Sherman's mind. The Pete Carroll miracle adjustment from NFL coach to WIN FOREVER is not happening.

Speaking of: Congrats to Los Angeles: with the birth of Pete Carroll's grandchild, the City of Angels increases the amount of win in it by no less than 33%.

* This is yet another reminder that, per Holly's request, we remind you that Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton does not make love to goats. He fucks them. The difference? With fucking you always use birth control, because there's no telling where that goat has been. Also, it's hotter.