CHANCE MOCK HAS TERRIBLE TIMING

by Orson on Feb 23, 2009 1:14 PM EST

Chance Mock has all the timing. He came to Texas and lost the quarterback competition to Vince Young, who as Football Jesus ascended to the right hand of himself and won Texas a national title. Then, Chance Mock decided to go into finance just as shitty mortgage-backed securities and their subsequent implosion threaten to take us back to the barter age. What better time to dispense advice like "buy low, sell high," and "stock up on ammunition, because when the mer-men escape from their capsules, their soggy vengeance will not be slaked even with rivers of human blood." That last part is in there, but you have to read the subtitles very closely to see it.

Mock clearly oozes the confidence of a man with a deep understanding of chicken fingers high finance. Next stop: a chain of pager stores! This outfit we've heard of called Pajamas Media! Schmendemite: the extremely brittle building material/nutritional supplement made from equal parts asbestos, kitten paws, and radium! The resurrection of the giant shark! (HT: Daniel K, Holly.)

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that video had all the qualities of a SNL skit – I was sure he was going to mention something about “perpetual motion machines” or “jesus will bless your investment” or perhaps “I will get three suckers to join so I can pay you a huge profit… and three more for each of them!!”

by WarChiziken on Feb 23, 2009 1:21 PM EST reply actions

I see Chance really been hitting the gym hard since his “glory days” concluded in Austin.

by Double Eagle on Feb 23, 2009 1:28 PM EST reply actions

Solicitation via YouTube: The true sign of a financial institution that is rock solid.

I think when Triton Financial (aka J.T. Marlin) folds, Chad Mock has bright, bright career ahead of hiim selling high-quality, low-mileage used automobiles.

by ALGator on Feb 23, 2009 2:04 PM EST reply actions

Guy’s a moron, I can say this with absolute certainty after hanging out with him a few times during his days at Texas. Complete, certifiable moron.

by Austin on Feb 23, 2009 2:13 PM EST reply actions

You can get that same crappy advice from a general “financial strength” column in the Thursday edition of your local mullet-wrapper. Good to see a guy with, what….three years experience in finance has all the answers….

by Stan Gable on Feb 23, 2009 2:25 PM EST reply actions

I shall be removing all of the funds from my Wu Tang Investments account immediately.

The sad part is that I’d probably trust Vince Young with my money more than Mock. At least if Vince invested it I’d have some cool racehorses, or laser guns or speedboats to show for my efforts. Mock just looks like he’d blow it all in Vegas.

by MaconDawg on Feb 23, 2009 2:28 PM EST reply actions

It has certain Monty-Python-esque qualities to it: “So what is this plan, again?”
“It’s the Mock Plan, sir”
“When will you give us the real plan, then?”
“This IS the real plan, sir, the final version is the Mock Plan”

by jakldawg on Feb 23, 2009 2:38 PM EST reply actions

Bad timing? Chance Mock(ed)

by Jackwraith on Feb 23, 2009 2:57 PM EST reply actions

Screw you, Mr. “I only have clients ’cause I threw that game winning TD pass against Tech in 2003.” #2 was right, ya fatass.

Never mind that Roy could have eaten a sandwich while he was waiting for the pass in that highlight.

by Raider Red on Feb 23, 2009 3:15 PM EST reply actions

Does the Mock Plan always involve such a strong tanning strategy?

Rule #3:

“Tan fat is always preferred to pale fat”

by Erik on Feb 23, 2009 3:21 PM EST reply actions

My name is Joe Germane, and I approve this message

by Just another Michigan Man on Feb 23, 2009 4:01 PM EST reply actions

Until he (finally) appeared on screen, I was convinced it was Peter doing his “Chance Mock” voice.

Yes, I firmly believe PB has perfected the art of imitating the entire Longhorn squad and staff – past and present.

by Texas Gal on Feb 23, 2009 5:37 PM EST reply actions

I think he’s pulling a Thunder.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a3R0YuUjQg&feature=related
I didn’t know it was called Insufflation.

by InScoresofOtherGames on Feb 23, 2009 6:10 PM EST reply actions

Probably a good idea to delete “Singing I’m Yours :)” by hchsknights08 from your favorites list before posting your sales pitch. Unless she’s giving a referral bonus, of course.

by MilkmanDan on Feb 24, 2009 1:08 AM EST reply actions

Come on guys, take a chance on him, he wont make a mockery out of you

by Dave Lapham on Feb 24, 2009 10:32 AM EST reply actions

When did he become a 45-year old fat man?

And I love that every picture is of suburban sprawl. Hey dipshit, the other thing that got us into this mess is over-subsidized home ownership and the construction surplus of 20 million large lot homes fueled by an unconstrained and lax mortgage lending environment. But I digress…

by Larchlion on Feb 24, 2009 5:29 PM EST reply actions