FULMER CUP: BIRDS AND BEASTS

I think there should be a “dumb criminal bonus”. Like violating probation, and doing it knowingly, and anything in the presence of cameras without any effort to conceal ones face, in a very small town.
Like the famous quote: “These aren’t people pretending to be football players, these are football players pretending to be people.” I take that to mean, if there were no rules on the field, people would die. And with that, if they do something wrong on the field, the refs throw flags, in the real world, when they do something wrong, the "refs"have handcuffs.And Tasers.And guns with real bullets.And a jail cell.
Wow, this Fulmer Cup season is really getting off to a good start. I think Swindle is behind these. He takes some time off, and the activity spikes.
Coincidence? I think not.

Could not agree more. How covert could video camera surveillance be in Monroe?

Speaking as someone who knowingly engaged himself in a long term relationship with a native Ouchita Parrish, their surveillance is top notch. In town its a phalanx of blue haired “Steel Magnolia” types recording the moves and actions of every citizen. Out in the county most surveillance cameras are a series of mirrors with a vigilant opossum keeping watch inside the barn.

Way to keep the Gator off the front page, Holly. Orson would be sooooo proud of you!

Gee, I wonder what the deal with the “sexual violence” that he got the injunction for was? I wonder how hard we dig for details to get the points right on that?

Apparently, women’s blood makes champions!

Yeah, NOBODY’s gonna find him down there, if you don’t count the 16,000 hits this post will get today. Busted!

Tim Tebow has issued a statement regarding the arrest of Carl Johnson:

“I just want to say one thing. To the fans and everybody in Gator Nation, um, you know what, I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry. We were hoping for a season without any restraining orders being violated. That was my goal – something Florida’s never done here. But I promise you one thing — a lot of good will come out of this. You have never seen any player in the entire country obey court orders as strictly as I will obey them the rest of this season, and you’ll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season to adhere to any restraining orders filed against them. And you’ll never see a team get off buses more quickly and efficiently than we will the rest of this season. God bless."

Check the 2nd item in the article and behold a true Fulmer Cup contender! I laugh at your silly firearms, pilgrim.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/blog/dr_saturday/post/Headlinin-If-you-re-going-to-come-at-Nick-Saba?urn=ncaaf,141719

…you mean the guy we devoted a full post to yesterday?

http://www.floridatoday.com/article/20090217/BREAKINGNEWS/90217020/1086

Florida Today says the restraining order against Johnson (HEHEHEHeheh.. heh…. oh nevermind) includes accusations of three rapes after an argument over the use of a condom. Do those count?

They really shouldn’t anyway, because you know how much condoms suck.

Nah…the best part of the Rivals article wasn’t what Holly covered yesterday…it was this quote:

“Let this be a lesson to Higgins and eager columnists across the South: On Don Nicky’s team, there are no snitches.”

Let it be known, The Process will be served.

“He did… he did… but he’s a good kid.”

Wow…this makes it sound really bad: http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_college_uf/2009/02/gators-ol-carl-johnson-accused-of-date-rape.html

Including the main allegation:

In the relationship, Johnson would claim to be “play fighting” when “he would shake me, bite me and hit me,” the petition states.

Johnson claimed that a goal in life was to “shoot and kill someone,” the petition states. When the petitioner told Johnson’s family of the physical behavior and Johnson found out, the petition states, he informed her of his plans to “go upstairs and get his gun.” When she told him he could go to jail, he said “I don’t care…at least it would be for something good,” the petition states.

…yeah, this one might have to be reassessed. Good grief.

The story still doesn’t make sense. Johnson is accused of date-rape on 3 separate occasions and the argument is over the use of a condom. Three months later, the woman files for and receives a temporary domestic assault injunction (without notice to Johnson). She claims that – among other things – she fears for her life because he knows other big people (i.e. members of the football team) who could hurt her.

At the risk of defending a jerk, how is it that it happened – not once – not twice – but three separate occasions over a 3 month period and no action was taken? And then why wait 3 more months before anything is done?

Florida (and rightfully so) has an almost knee-jerk reaction to entering preliminary injunctions when anyone claims sexual abuse and/or threats of violence. It is done so without a hearing to test the credibility of the complainant. The “victim” merely signs a sworn statement. It is done before the alleged perpetrator is allowed his/her day in court.

Unfortunately, we have seen abuse of the process on several well-known occasions. If what she said is true, kick him off the team. I, for one, need some more questions answered.

/now climbing down off the soapbox

sounds to me like johnson might just be a good Catholic kid who knows that the mortal sin of wearing a condom is something only protestants do

whatever happened to religious freedom in this country? sheesh

Man, people are going all Mike Leach/Urban Meyer on the Fulmer Cup scoreboard. And we still have a good six months left until the season starts.

#9

He won’t have to worry about condoms in prison! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

gatorcountry is reporting that all charges are going to be dropped from Sloppy Carl’s record. you know, just for what its worth.

Does Dan Carney’s daughter assaulting a police officer count for the Cup? Maybe an honorable mention. Iowa State needs the points. http://www.kcci.com/news/18720477/detail.html

I agree with Okiedomer maybe he’s from Yorkshire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A&feature=related

yeah, that shit got real creepy. I don’t know how you’re supposed to handle (punish) this kid. No charges, but clearly Buffalo Bill-ish.

…date rape, on three occasions, incited by arguments over the use of a condom? And an injunction against an individual who shall not be notified of said injunction? This pleasant little fiasco has more moving parts than that UGA girl I met in Key West last week…

#19, Iowa State needs walk-ons. She could probably kick.

And yes Holly, my sexist view of women and football was shaped solely by the seminal film “Necessary Roughness.”

That the charges would be dropped is the least surprising tidbit from this incident. It is Alchua County afterall.

I think the Fulmer Cup needs its own Theme Song…..“Criminal” by Fiona Apple comes to mind when I read the newest update, that piano hook plays endlessly in my head whilst reading it…..
or Michael Jacksons “Smooth Criminal”, old version or Alien Ant Farm’s?
Jailhouse Rock by Elvis?

or simply “F**k tha’ Police” by NWA……cause like Chris Rock said, if you are booming this song while being pulled over by the police, you are going to jail.

I may have ruined my sheets when I was younger (ok, yesterday), but dreaming about naked girls is waayy better than dreaming about killin’ people.

what? no mention of Florida lineman Carl Johnson’s arrest? is there a ban on reporting the bad and ugly
about the florida gators? http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/other/sfl-flspuffootball18sbfeb18,0,7611833.story

What? No mention of Southern Miss players Damion Fletcher and Brennan Houston getting arrested? Is there a ban on reporting the bad and ugly about Brett Favre’s alma mater?

And I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling commenters!

I surrender. You win. Forever.

You have acheived a commenter’s Nirvana I dare not dream of.