Sweet wounded Jesus. Florida State, Where Talent Goes To Die, will be killing once-promising players off fast and furious in 2009, with eleven 2008 bowl teams on the schedule.

hang

…hang in there?

Mark Richt is a dirty damned liar. Or the NCAA is full of terrible small men who make terrible small rules. (Our tipster suggests Kiffykins show up at graduation in Richt’s place. We could not agree with this plan more.)

A dodge worthy of that Wire headline. Is Nick Saban the next SEC coach ducking recruiting regulations? Eh. Maybe? We tire of these OOOOOH YOU IN TROUBLE NOW SON stories, and will default to Joel’s position:

Yeah, so did Nick Saban violate the “bump” rule when he obtained a commitment from Memphis wide receiver Keiwone Malone? It’s Saban. It’s Alabama. We’re Tennessee. So . . . OF COURSE HE DID!

There. We have a shortcut around this argument for the rest of the season. Onward.

Threet Matrix, we hardly knew ye. Steven “Embattled” Threet is making fast tracks out of Ann Arbor, surprising almost no one who saw him try and fit into RichRod’s schemes in ‘08. We will leave the analysis to Brian Cook, however, and instead devote our afternoon to mourning the demise of our trusty stash of “Threet Level Midnight” jokes.

Because Hell does the damndest things to your merocrine glands, is his point. Former UW O-Line coach Dan Cozzetto, now of Arizona state, will return to Washington next season with the avowed mission of “toughing up the running game”.

Cozzetto did not return calls made to his office late Thursday. His voice mail greeting ends with the line: “Remember, Devils don’t sweat.”

That’s absolutely correct, sir. They glow. And if he can harangue linemen in Tempe out of sweating, notching a single win with the Huskies ought to be no problem at all.

Items We Require, Vol. XVII: We’re declaring the pool officially open: Which team will get photographic evidence of one of these suckers in action first? Easy odds say Miami, Fresno State, and so on, but smart money’s on Virginia, by virtue of there being nothing better to do.