LET IT BE RESOLVED: IMPORTANT PROCLAMATIONS

Um, “co-curricular”? Does that mean I should have gotten some kind of course credit for all that stuff I did while not in class? ’Cause if so, someone owes me another PhD, dammit.

Surely tear gas on the floor of the House is an idea that’s good whether or not you’re endorsing tOSU.

Also: Boehner. Heh.

H.R. 306

Recognizes Syracuse as a sovereign body, and not other football program can deny its existence or invade its borders for tactical position on the BCS rankings.

(Resolution Fails)

H.R. 8675309
Establishes a national database of skank phone numbers, particularly if you’re named “Jenny”

H.R. 751-2
Mandates that all head coaches wear suspenders and use a pipe like Howard Schnellenberger while patrolling the sidelines at all times.

H. R. 4529

In honor of Coach Bob Stoops, a resolution offered to officially rename the Heimlich maneuver the “Heimlich – Stoops” maneuver.

Sponsored by the OU representatives; dies for a lack of a second because everyone else realizes that Bob Stoops cannot prevent choking – especially at Bowl Games.

HR 420

Recognizes that Houston Dale Nutt is crazy as a sack of weasels.

Yoyo,

I believe H.R. 420 would be better used to recognize the outstanding accomplishments of one Stephen Garcia in his charitable work in the community. It takes dedication to give away the football week after week.

@hobeg8r: Well played, sir. As much as it pains me, we had that one coming.

HR 7392

Or as it is referred to in Ohio as ‘air freshener’.

HR 1785

Introduced simultaneously in North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, and South Carolina to pat Miami University on the head, remarking on what a big boy it’s become on its birthday, but still oh so cute: public higher education in the South wants to pinch its wittle cheeks.

For what it’s worth, Ted Strickland (now governor) introduced the same legislation five years ago for Ohio’s 200th anniversary.

Say what you want, Miami, you’re always going to be the little brother.

H.R. 315

Recognizes the accomplishments of Nick Saban and the University of Alabama.

H.R. 315 REPEALLED

Nick Saban doesn’t have time for this shit.

H.R. 2001 – decrees any and all land within Columbia, SC city limits as under “Winter Rules” and/or “Casual Water” at all times – allowing for ’Lift, Clean and Place" under any and all circumstances.

H.R. 7325 Civility in College Football Resolution

(Affectionately known as the “Cherry-Wagers” resolution in honor of Ron Cherry and Penn Wagers).

Resolving that College Football will maintain proper decorum at all times and establishing a special House Subcommittee to review taunting issues during the game. $10M earmarked for the subcommittee

South Florida representatives (representing da U) voted against the resolution for fear that the resolution would be applied retroactively, thereby taking away all national championship trophies previously awarded da U.

H.R. 107051

Recognizes the innovative scare tactics of Michigan fans.

Allows all 15 representatives from the state of Michigan to jangle keys in an especially peeved manner to coerce fellow representatives during house votes.

H.R. 3921 – Decrees any and all citizens of Alabama beneath the poverty line be considered as alumni of the University of Alabama, entitled to any and all privledges concerning the support and association with the University of Alabama Football team. All such persons will be automatically granted a BS is Alabama Football History with minors in the “Three R’s” (ranting, recrutin’ , and revisionism).

AKA the ‘trailer trash’ resolution that allows the state to avoid the annual traffic jams in Tuscaloosa by thousands of rusted pickup trucks with their windows down, waiting for their diploma to be thrown in…..

Sullivan013

H.R. 7392

Does hereby honor the devotion of the Ohio State fanbase by setting fire to a dumpster and releasing no fewer than three cans of tear gas on the floor of the House.

As long as this can be amended to then wheeling the dumpster into the House and locking the doors, I’m all for it. Calling my Rep’s office right now…

8

Anyone that crazy has to be on something. Hence HR 420. Although there is no disagreement on the stellar qualifications of Mr Garcia.

HR 6969

Recognizes snake oil as the official drink of the State of Michigan. Outlaws Wizard Hats in East Lansing.

HR-2283

Introduced by representatives of upstate New York, this bill would grant Donovan McNabb and Marvin Harrison immediate restoration of their college eligibility, while also waiving NCAA rules against paying college athletes for college athletes playing upstate New York.

HR 3112

Recognizes pre-injury Nate Longshore as a pretty damn good quarterback.

H.R. 4535

Recognizes the University of Texas Longhorns for their achievements in airplane-based marketing and BCS politicking.

Opposed by the Oklahoma delegation, who immediately dub it the “quit crying already” resolution.

Did anyone else notice that the House had to debate H.R. 128 for forty minutes, and then come back to it hours later? With a unanimous vote?

That’s our Congress…

Re #12: That’s fine. Somebody had to be the beta test, and most things improve with a second chance at design.

Happy 200th to Mother Miami1

One thing we can agree upon: OSU still sucks.

Chica @ 24:

I’m more concerned with the fact that the “40 minutes of debate” began at 4:50 pm and ended at 5:06 pm. I’m starting to understand how $10 million dollar projects can turn into $250 million appropriations . . .

Yoyo and Wood:

If you are going to make the HR number ‘420’, it should be:

HR 420: To recognize the University of Florida Gators for their outstanding commitment to allow college athletes to play on saturday no matter what the drug test says.