TALENTED RUNNING BACK SUSPENDED. AGAIN.
Cecil Collins, oh, for the things you could have been had you not decided to break into apartments and strange women sleep. Collins smashed bones to pieces for one hot streak of games in 1997 before breaking his leg, and then deciding the best thing to do with his spare time was entering apartments not belonging to him and cuddling with women. He wasn't a molester; no, we prefer the term "cuddle bandit," instead, as it sounds so much more jaunty.
Collins was then booted off LSU, transferred to McNeese State, and then played for the Dolphins before another "snuggle attack" got him a 15 year jail term. He remains the apex of the phenomenon of an unassailable equation in college football: the more talented a running back, the more likely he is to do stupid shit to take himself off the field in one way or another.
Enter the case of LeGarrette Blount, suspended from the Oregon Ducks for what are likely academic issues. Blount is everything one could want in a running back: freakishly fast for his size, immense, possessed with the leg strength of kodiak bear fond of spending time in the squat rack, and capable both of annihilating defenders and using them as plush cushions to soften his falls and keep plays alive.
Blount is embarrassingly talented, and in the SEC or Big 12 would have small shrines built to him in side yards around the region. And because of this, he's done something to take himself off the field. Don't blame him, blame math. Running backs too good for this earth fall prey to it every time.
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My goodness, what a positive, linear correlation! We should plug the first differences of this data into a regression plot to forecast the risk value of an rb and sell that fucking shit to Rivals so I can find a job that actually uses the useless shit I’m learning.
by BurritoBrosShits on Feb 11, 2009 2:57 PM EST reply actions
I hope my team never has to experience Blount Force Trauma.
by Johnny on Feb 11, 2009 3:18 PM EST reply actions
Paging Mr. Clarett.
Hey does O.J. qualify since he was retired? He had sidline gigs anyway.
by Vol on Feb 11, 2009 3:31 PM EST reply actions
So according to this, as my propensity for stupid shit increases, my skill at RB increases?
Hells yeah!
by Roaminggator on Feb 11, 2009 3:40 PM EST reply actions
Ah the memory of Cecil the Diesel. What a talent! The word we got when he was coming up was that after watching Cecil run Kevin Faulk looked like he was running in quicksand. My admittedly hazy recollection is that Cecil killed Auburn one year and then didn’t do a thing after.
by NOTigerfan on Feb 11, 2009 3:48 PM EST reply actions
Not a hijack but a pre-emption: Bicentennial of Abraham Lincoln’s birth is tomorrow. He didn’t have a mustache (but a very cool beard) so he won’t make Mustache Wednesday, but can Honest Abe be worked in tomorrow (hopefully in a positive way)?
by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Feb 11, 2009 3:53 PM EST reply actions
Lenny Patrick falls into this category also. He also was the reason Bama does not have any Heisman trophies…….and had a shot at 2 awesome backs…..
As legend has it, whomever was recruiting Lenny and Hershel Walker , told them who ever called Alabama back first would get the scholarship. Lenny Patrick called first, then an hour later, Hershel called. The rest they say is history. Had Hershel called back, he would have been the best Outside Linebacker Bear Bryant would have ever coached.
About a year later, Bo Jackson was being scouted, and actually considered Alabama.
The recruiter told Bo Jackson he wouldnt see playing time behind Lenny Patrick, for at least 2 yrs. Bo wanted to play ASAP.
He too, would have made an awesome outside linebacker. We had to settle for Cornelius Bennett instead. Then Derrick Thomas……as you can see, LB’s are more important than Heismans.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Feb 11, 2009 4:07 PM EST reply actions
Wozzo @ 8 – Given the way that the discussion of Robert E Lee spiraled out of control, I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.
by DC Trojan on Feb 11, 2009 4:29 PM EST reply actions
Uhh… we have the stupendous example of Lawrence Phillips as the ultimate in dumbshittery and you chose to focus on this clown from LSU. Let us not forget that in addition to all LP’s famous female-battery-related charges, his most recent run-in with the law involved driving an automobile onto the field of play of a youth football game.
by D'Brickashaw on Feb 11, 2009 4:35 PM EST reply actions
The saddest part of the Cecil Collins saga is that he’s still the most noteworthy thing to come out of my High School.
Leesville, LA. Home of the Wampus Cats.
We a had a “Wildcat” logo and mascot, only to find out years later that a Wampus Cat was not a cat at all, but a Yeti/Bigfoot-like creature from Cherokee folklore.
by Daywalker trailer park on Feb 11, 2009 5:18 PM EST reply actions
Unbelievably talented running back doing stupid shit, and Lawrence Phillips wasn’t the absolute examplar?
Flabbergasting, ’tis.
by Albino Tornado on Feb 11, 2009 6:05 PM EST reply actions
Ah, memories. First year, four games, 600 yards and more than 8 a carry. The entire state was apoplectic with joy and anticipation. Goes to jail. Goes to McNeese, which is punishment enough (intra-state dig there, sorry) Then tells the press in pre-draft mea culpas – “I was just young and messed up in the head,” which, if you replace “was” with “am,” makes that a completely true statement.
by TigerNacho on Feb 11, 2009 6:13 PM EST reply actions
#8, 10. I suggest a much less-likely-to-dissolve-into-a-pissing-contest birthday boy: Charles Darwin.
by jakldawg on Feb 11, 2009 6:15 PM EST reply actions
I’m not knocking Lawrence Phillips’ criminal record. He did well there. But the Diesel wasn’t just a jerk with a temper. He was/is certifiable. Dangerous not in a hit-women way, but in a serial-rapist-in-waiting way.
by TigerNacho on Feb 11, 2009 6:19 PM EST reply actions
Played against Blount in high school. The trick to stopping him is…well, our results were inconclusive.
by This Guy on Feb 12, 2009 4:40 AM EST reply actions
@15-
Yeah, right, no way bringing up the father of theory of evolution could go wrong on an internet forum.
by Irwin Fletcher on Feb 12, 2009 6:18 AM EST reply actions
I had to look up Cecil Collins and it turns out that his later attack took place at the apartment complex that I live in right now. SWEET! Palm Trace Landings in the house!
by SLaird22 on Feb 12, 2009 10:37 AM EST reply actions

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