Oh, go fuck yourselves with a traffic cone, Rules Committee. For four years running every offseason has seen the dilation of the mental sphincter of the Rules Committee, a great groaning noise, and the plopping forth of a great, steaming heap of stupidity: rule 3-2-5-e, the hasty rescinding of 3-2-5-e, the establishment of taunting penalties in the first place, the appearance and then the complete non-enforcement of the horse-collar rule…it’s quite a resume of shitty ideas and shitty implementation on the whole, and it’s become a rite of the offseason to watch them poop like clockwork on some otherwise tolerable or even good part of college football.

This year’s installment, fresh and hot from the brain-ass of the Committee:

The NCAA football rules committee wants coaches to debate turning some dead-ball celebration penalties into live-ball fouls, which could result in taking points off the scoreboard.

Chairman Mike Bellotti, Oregon’s coach, cautioned this was not yet a formal proposal and is not likely to take effect for at least two years.

The committee wants to gauge support among coaches. If the rule was eventually changed, players who begin taunting opponents before reaching the end zone could have those touchdowns called back.

Thus further removing color and flair from the game, allowing nannying referees like Ron Cherry to exercise further sway over the course of the game, and emphasizing an outdated notion of sportsmanship that, as far as we can tell, has its roots in a deep hatred of fun or anything interesting. Oh, and we forgot one thing: MAY ACTUALLY AFFECT THE OUTCOME OF FUCKING GAMES MORE DRAMATICALLY THAN RULES ALREADY DO.

Die, Rules Committee. You die and go to hell. We’re dancing like Randall Hill in protest and firing imaginary six-shooters at you in protest. Verne and Gary join us, if only in image, in this noble struggle against your crapulent stupidity of emphasizing decorum over what is actually accomplished on the field.