A PROUD TASTE FOR ORANGE AND MINIVER

Let’s see us trailing . . . the Dawgs by thirty or more

Let’s, indeed. I’m liking this plan more and more.

Holly, unlike Tim Geithner, you did not disappoint. Bravo to your renewed hatred fandom.

. . . he delivers his addresses like an under-prepared sixth-grader giving a book report . . . .

This is the best-crafted phrase I’ll read all day.

I’d say “one hundred cocktails,” but based on your new-found quasi-Cajun philosophy, I’d guess you’ve only got 97 or so to go.

The music really made that a memorable piece, like when everyone in the library stared at me for listening to the song.

Fuck yes! It’s goddamn football. We’re not talking about overthrowing the military junta in Myanmar or rebuilding America’s shattered economy. We’re talking goddamn game where huge goddamn men slam into each other at full speed and they do it because they think it’s goddamn funny. All this bullshit sturm and drang about ruffled feathers and soiled petticoats is just goddamn bullshit. Hit somebody in his goddamn mouth, knock the motherfucker down and then you goddamn laugh at his ass while he’s laying there fucking bleeding. Then you tell him he got knocked on his ass AND THEN YOU TELL HIM YOU’LL DO IT AGAIN. And if the motherfucker is too goddamn dumb to stay down there YOU KNOCK HIM ON HIS ASS UNTIL HE STOPS GETTING UP. Then, you know what you do? Then, YOU LAUGH AT HIS ASS, KICK HIS MOMMA IN THE BOX, STEAL HIS WOMAN AND MAKE HIS CHILDREN CALL YOU “DADDY.” NOW GO OUT THERE AND KNOCK SOMEBODY’S DICK IN THE GODDAMN DIRT.

“He’s young. He’s inexperienced. He’s running into walls left and right, but bless his heart, he’s doing it at full speed.”
Yes, now that I see that Kiffykins is merely a puppy, I should think that he is just merely being cute and innocuous. Now if I were Mike Vick on the other hand…….

See? This is what college football fandom looks like, and it’s a beautiful thing.

yawn

If I were a Tennessee fan, I’d be afraid that Holly was going to spring out of the supply closet and leg-whip me on my way to lunch.

Pace yourself Harris…

It’s a long off-season.

To wit: I just compared Lane Kiffin to the head coaches of Florida, Alabama, and LSU; it was not an accident, and you can go to hell and die if you think we’re not beating them all a billionty to three

Somehow I knew that listening to “Everybody Knows That You Are Insane” while reading this was going to be a much better choice.

Peace. Land. Corn Dogs.

The Volshevik Party: Defending the All-Redneck Congress of Soviets since 2009.

I like the use of the Southern phrase “Bless his heart.” Whenever you have to bless someones heart, things could be usually be going better for said person/object. Other proper uses of this southernism can be seen in the following:
“Bless his little heart he just doesn’t know any better”
“That puppy got eaten by coyotes, bless his heart.”
“He burnt Neyland to the ground and is too dumb to know any better, but bless his heart he tried.”

The Gordon Gecko speech remastered for college football, I love it.

Hate IS good, Hate sells, Hate is American, Hate warms February and makes wins more savory, losses easier to rally around. My well of forgiveness and compassion is full from real life, I have no more room left for the enemies of my university’s football team. Many cocktails, Holly, and especially to Kiffykins for tugging on Tebow’s cape, spitting in the jorts, pulling on the mask of the mighty Gators and messing around with Urban.

Holly, It is noted that you are “mad as hell and not going to take it anymore”. However, does this mean that Sibyl The Soothsayer is going to prognosticate UT Football this fall? And if Hello Kiffin fails miserably, will he be machine gunned to death live on air by the East Tennessee Volunteer Liberation Army?

The ’you’re getting personal boo’ tag is bullshit because, really, when is this shit ever not personal?

UT would be much better off in 2009 if they had kept Golden Tate in-state. Then again, if Tate was going to stay in-state, he would have picked Vanderbilt because of their baseball program. Either way, Kiffin’s main priority should be recruiting, and it starts with landing the Tennessee talent. I think UT is favorable enough in the eyes of recruits to ditch the smoke machines, too. This is not South Florida….there IS tradition at UT.

“The idea that the Florida-Tennessee rivalry, in particular, isn’t operating at a full-time haterade zenith already is frankly preposterous, and while I don’t expect more from Doyel, his readers should.”

Actually, I would imagine Florida’s hate level for UT had fallen to sleepy indifference before this incident.

You’re a real “glass is half full” kind of chick aren’t ya?

When all is said and done L.K. still has to win football games and talking smack just makes it that much more difficult.

Good luck in 2009 Vols…. you will need it.

I love Holly. And she makes excellent points. To further illustrate: even though Richt is just so gosh-darn lovable and a heckuva nice guy, everyone (both within the Bulldog ranks and without, with the exception of some sensitive Gator types) gets practically giddy or is at least entertained at the prospect of an Evil Richt lurking inside the missionary and practically swoons when he shows what we imagine to be “that side” of himself.

Kudos to you, Holly, for embracing that with which you must live (for the foreseeable future) and over which you have no control, anyway (both your Vol-ness and the personnel decisions of UT athletics). What else are you supposed to do?

Holly,

You are college football blue-balling me! I can’t get this horny for cf in February! Luckly, the cold shower of MLB is right around the corner to induce a nice sports coma till Phil Steele mag comes out in July.

“The idea that the Florida-Tennessee rivalry, in particular, isn’t operating at a full-time haterade zenith already is frankly preposterous”

From the view of an outside observer, it seems that Tennessee hates Florida, Florida and Urban Meyer in particular are at this point more concerned about winning championships, since he’s never lost to Tennessee. I’m sure the haterade is there, but it seems 65% charcoal filtered, smooth sippin’ Tennessee haterade and 35% hair gel and hypnotiq Florida haterade.

Tennessee’s only hope to beat Florida next year was to catch them napping. That absolutely will not happen now. Kiffin seems to need all the help he can get and he isn’t helping himself by being an idiot.

Slow clap.

I can only hope that he rotates back on our schedule with a full roster of his boys and him still on the job. Just so we can see.

So, you chose that anthem because it all ended so well for the last people to use it, did you?

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

                                                                                                                   Abraham Lincoln

I, for one, have no doubt as to Lane Kiffin’s “fool” status at this time.

Just one slight correction…the sheer cusssedness of LSU fans can, in fact, be drained out of Tigah Stadium…even during a “white out”….by Chris Leak…and [name redacted].*

Other than that…jolly good bloggin.

• See UF-LSU 2003.

So Say We All!

Doyel isn’t acting.

…or should that read, “So Say We Vol!” ????

You can’t win, apparently. If your team is losing, you’re supposed to be humble and self-effacing about it. If your team is losing, you’re supposed to mouth platitudes about competence and watching your step and gently hoping your team pulls themselves up by their bootstraps while tugging their cap at the gentry of your conference.

I say bullshit to being modest when your team is down, to tugging your forelock to the head coaches in the conference who are the anointed big men on campus. That’s the reason that all the kids who were described as “good citizens” with “leadership potential” are middle management and have the time to comment on college football blogs – and yes I deliberately mean me, I know you saw what I did there because you’re reasonably bright too. Because we work well in the established order.

If Kiffin wants to go for the gusto, have at it. What’s the worst that could happen, Tennessee has another crap season? That it turns out he really is a middle management kid? Or that heaven forfend, he might actually get a group of nominal amateurs to play well against other groups of nominal amateurs? (Admittedly his record of coaching teams not centered on players called Leinart, Bush, and White is iffy, but then they haven’t exactly set the world on fire individually either…)

It’s college football, It’s theater, it’s a bunch of genetic freaks with anger management issues prancing around in homoerotic uniforms with their own retinue of dancing girls and doe-eyed middle aged men. It’s not supposed to satisfy a bed-wetting half-wit who thinks it’s the height of wit to call someone “Rural” Kiffin.

If I want gray, rationalized, cost cutting, committee-driven, pecking ordered, mealy-mouthed mithering and panty-bunching, I can get back to paying attention to my colleagues.

Way to circle the wagons there, Holly.

But Kecalf is right. The haterade in the UF-UT matchup flows only one way right now. This isn’t 1995 anymore.

I just woke up. The last twelve hours are a blur and there’s blood on my face. What’d I miss?

Absent delusions,unrealistic expectations, blind loyalty and unjustified hatred, college football is sterile and bland. It’s good to be reminded about what is best in college football fandom other than the lamentations of rival fans.

Holly, expect Greg(g) to firebomb your place shortly.

Communism was just a red herring.

@ Holly: Oh, nothing much. The weather is unusually nice on the East Coast, the economy is still lousy and, uh, Trojan and I lead an army of half-naked barbarians on a multi-state rampage and we kind of, accidently, mind you, cough razed Birmingham to the ground. We also, um, put Nashville to the torch and knocked over some garbage cans in Atlanta. In our defense, we started off sampling his collection of fine brandies in his drawing room and somehow ended up drinking some kind of thick blue liquor on Beale Street. Things kind of got out of hand after that.

Peace. Land. Corn Dogs.
The Volshevik Party: Defending the All-Redneck Congress of Soviets since 2009.

I rather like this. I’m adopting it immediately.

Every person I’ve ever met from Tennessee or parts nearby has always pronounced “bless his/her heart” as one word “blesssizheart”. Is it wrong for me to hear that in my head as I read it written properly? I read with a Cajun accent sometimes, unless I’m drunk and I go full-tilt Scots. Just wondering…rhetorical question and all.

I’d seen the word “miniver” several times before and only now took time to look it up. Don’t ever let anyone tell you EDSBS isn’t educational.

*Just for the record, Doyel really didn’t rile me until his attempt to re-nickname Kiffin. As the originator of the term “Kiffykins”, I felt obliged to defend my terrain. Everything else kinda flowed from that.

@ 31

Too few speak of the tugging of forelocks these days. Thanks.

if we’re going to interpret a coach’s public displays of incompetence, stupidity, and lack of ethics as some sort of brilliant ploy to enhance the relevance of his team, then I hereby nominate ron zook, mike price and larry eustachy for the coaching hall of fame.

Harris @ 37 – It’s kind of you to pretend that Birmingham was an accident but I’m not apologizing about escalating when the waitress at the Waffle House called me FOB for eating my Grilled Texas Bacon Egg & Cheese with a knife and fork. Admittedly the seeing double issue might have been why the gas station next door caught on fire first, but there you are. Can’t make an omelet etc. etc.

Now there’s a college football manifesto I can get behind. God damn I can’t wait till Hate Week this year.

September 19 is my birthday. This is going to be the funnest birthday ever. Thank you, Kiffykins.

No compulsion whatsoever to read the shitstorm that is this thread, so I just wanna say: with the fall of the Soviet Union we lost the best national anthem of any country, slightly ahead of Waltzing Mathilda

I just ran Lane Kiffin through a Russian Name Generator

I don’t know if this helps but…

Lane Kiffin = Fadeyka Fyodor Kuznetsov

No who else ran his mouth at age 33.. Vladimir Ulyanov

Holly, your thoughtful missive has certainly defined another angle of the Kiffen Phenomena…I still subscribe to the “keep your head down, the ammo close and aim for their fuckin’ knees” method of overtaking superior opponents; never much for drawing the bullseye on my chest. But that’s just me…may your billionty to three come after September 19th…

NCT really nailed it with this comment:

“Kudos to you, Holly, for embracing that with which you must live (for the foreseeable future) and over which you have no control, anyway (both your Vol-ness and the personnel decisions of UT athletics). What else are you supposed to do?”

We’ve all been in a position of watching our teams fall into the hands of coaches that we suspect may not know their asses from page eight. You can either sulk for years and join the “Fire___!” movement as soon as it arises, or embrace the coach’s foibles as a badge of honor. During the dark days of the Goff Administration at Georgia, which seemed to go on forever, I adopted the attitude: “Hell, yes! We’ll beat you with our brains tied behind our backs! We’ll beat you stupid!”

This can also be called, as the Communist iconography suggests, “dialectical reasoning” or “heightening the contradictions.” So a hundred shots of raw vodka for Comrade Holly, and may the workers and peasants of Appalachia unite and smash the liveried lackies of the Gainesville Imperialists!

Holly,
Trust me. From someone who knows about coaching searches and ending up with an “under 40” coach at a major state school. I kinda wished in a way that Mike Shula would have done that, maybe even to cover his fear of being in over his head. Not that I would trade him for what we got now, but just to make it entertaining while he kinda felt his way thru the darkness and being outgunned once what little talent that was there went to the NFL. I think had he rallied the troops a bit, and maybe got lucky versus Auburn and Miss St., he may have lasted. I think thats where Kiffin is. His talent, especially at QB, is at a all time low for UT QB’s. Running backs, and O-line, maybe on the D-Line as well, will be outgunned for this year at least. Maybe next. I think yall can play over your head against some close competition. Enjoy those games. The Dark Side isnt all that bad once you embrace it. But get ready for your Death Star to get blown up a few times this year. Then rebuilt, and blown up again. I think Urban tries to hang 70 points on ya, then he bolts to Notre Dame after his 3rd MNC in 4 yrs….what else is there to prove?. Saban will simply try to physically dominate everyone not named Eric Berry.
He will probably do it with everyone that Lance Thompson recruited, making sure they score.
Even DJ Fluker.
Where I want to be is in Destin for the SEC Media Days. Media+Kiffin+Meyer+Coach+O+Saban+Finebaum= a possible Geraldo show, with Coach O throwin the chair across the room hitting Finebaum on the nose.

@ Trojan: I thought your response was well-reasoned and appropriate, but I knew we were in for a bad time after I beat that UAB professor with a hot muffler after arguing over whether or not J.E.B. Stuart was the 12-toed son of a toothless whore (he was and can’t nobody tell me different). And after the incident at the monkey house, well, I really don’t know how you could have handled that any differently.

That fucking chimp had it coming. He might have 98% DNA commonality with humans but that other 2% plainly contains the gene for “don’t throw chimp shit at an angry drunk with a waffle house stool in his hand.”

That got me so fired up that I seriously left my office headed for the cubicle of my local Florida fan intending to do him bodily harm, or at least knock some papers off his desk. By the time I got there I had decided I better not do that. So I farted on him and walked out without saying a word. It felt good.

Holly in honor of you, I drop this

Tressel is a child molester

I’ve never felt so alive…

Harris and DC…sounds like a story that needs tellin’…

@27 – I’ll second that. That’s the only game I ever attended at that stadium and the shutdownery of the UF defense made the place seem like a slightly less rowdy Neyland Stadium. I was pretty disappointed.

@18 – While my UT hate has remained steady, just below my “kill on sight” hatred of FSU, most of my UF student friends seem to actually have been brought back into the “fuck you and die UT” mode by Lane Kiffin. Of course for that I can’t help but love him.

Next up: Lame farts “Rocky Top” and Vol fans go crazy.

You don’t have to explain to me. Birmingham totally had it coming. I thought you went a bit overboard in Nashville — how the hell was that girl supposed to know about you had a “thing” about paperclips? We were in a Staples, for goddsakes. Incidentally, do you remember what we did with her head? Last I saw it, some hairy, naked dude was using it as a hand-puppet and forcing the mayor to make-out with it.

Hey go big or go home. It’s better to fail miserably than to be average all your life. If fail is the answer, you can learn from it.

Harris, I’m really rather ashamed about the Nashville episode in its entirety. Not so much about the demolition of Staples, in itself, but I had no idea that a collapsing wall of printers could take on guillotine-like properties, and in retrospect we should have been more careful with both that poor woman’s head and her lifeless body…

Still, no-one can tell me that I could plausibly have expected that [country singer redacted] would appear on the scene to snag the corpse, screaming that it was more animated in flagrante delicto than [Australian actress redacted]. It’s no wonder that the angry mob really kicked off at that point. Frankly, the mayor’s lucky that he got away with necrophiliac puppetry, because what the crowd did to [country singer redacted]… let’s just say when you get served pulled pork made from the long pig, it’s best to say thanks and chow down, but my digestive tract really hasn’t been the same since.

Of course, I can’t rule out the Waffle House as the underlying cause either.

Harris, DC, and sb- we already did that once, and the CFB gods are taking it out on us by making us deal with that 0-9 in Bowl Games crap.

Sure, but think of how great midwestern and northeastern teams were in the early- and mid-20th century. Clearly, we’re being punished for our failure to incinerate more southern cities the farther we get from Sherman’s march on Atlanta. I can’t in good conscience destroy Memphis, but Dallas? Charlotte? Say your fucking prayers. Now where did I leave my scalping hatchet, fertilizer gun and asbestos socks?

[puts on kilt, paints self blue, tops off with jaunty Trojan helmet]

@ 46

Alas, “Advance Australia Fair” is the national anthem of Oz, not “Waltzing Matilda”.

Also, call me what you will, but in my book no national anthem can beat “La Marseillaise”.

@63:

Jacobin asshole?

And Holly, it’s all done for The People.

@63:

You’ve definitely got a point. Those who would mock your opinion quite obviously have never paid attention to the words. Anyone who can’t appreciate a song that’s about people who want to engorger vos fils and calls for us all to marcher until un sang impur abreuve nos sillons has no idea what “kick-ass” means.

Aux armes. citoyens!

I knew this was Holly when I read the headline. Not just the orange, but also the Konigsberg reference.

Weep no more—-I’m pretty sure it’s still Russia’s anthem; they just changed the words.

That’s slightly less transparent than the Germans just skipping over the “Deutschland uber alles” verse of their national anthem and going on to the slightly less Anschluss-like sections. But it’s still implied.

Moreover, I advise that USC should be destroyed.

Ivan Drago? This is Rocky all over again.

Et tu, Cato Ursus? Non USC, sed Berkeleium delenda est!

@ robert – you’re only half right

@ NCT – tout a fait