FULMER CUPDATE: DANE COOK STEALS JOKES, LEAD FOR BALL STATE

Ohio State has yet to place in the top five in the Fulmer Cup, for three possible reasons: we excel at mid-season arrests, we cover arrests up better than anyone else, or we just can’t handle the speed at which other teams pile up the arrests.

Ball State, the gauntlet’s been dropped. If you really think you can hang with the big boys, NOW is the time to prove it. Not on the playing field on Saturdays during the season.

Let the games begin…. my favorite part of the off-season (if there is a favorite part)….. and I, myself, have a feeling Georgia is going to have an out-standing off-season….

It is reassuring to see good ‘ol Free Shoes right up there in the mix. Now it’s time for the Crimi-canes to get cracking. Figuratively & literally.

I wonder how long until Lindys or the Sporting News comes out with a Fulmer Cup preview mag. In this issue: “Ranking the potential date rapists” or even “Can the Florida led SEC jump on the Southeast US’s love of all thing Meth?”

Dane Cook, that other one…yea, he sucks. Brahsome banality for a brahsome faux-ADHD crowd.

Preston Parker has firm hold on the polka-dot jersey at this time.

As long as Bama doesn’t have one player with a stimulus sized amount of points (looking at you Jimmy Johns), I doubt the winner will have less than 8 arrests.

O: Thanks for the le Tour reference. Can’t wait to sit for hours and watch French countryside scroll by while Paul and Phil wet their pants talking about the mountain stages and EPO. No. Really. I mean it. I love it. le Tour is what gets me through the summer.

Holy Grail: parking and traffic violations from illegal scooter-related activities will put UGA in the top 5 EASY. All the Dawgs will need to go over the top is a couple of downtown Athens party-nights and it’s sealed. Granted, of course, that no Tide players are dealing drugs to young, white Hoover-ites.

Coach Nick: I think I smell a blog post on a slow day. Position reviews, recaps, returning convicts… O can get a lot of mileage out of that idea.

I unfortunately haven’t been following the Fulmer Cup for very long, so I apologize if this is an easy question to answer. Did OSU get awarded points for Maurice Clarett getting arrested en route to (and thus preventing) the drive-by shooting he had planned? AK-47? Check. Vendetta? Check. Proximity to assumed victim’s house? Check.

Perhaps he was too long out of “college” already to get points awarded to OSU, but that seems like the kind of thing that should come back on a school even a few years after a player leaves.

This Fulmer Cupdate is brought to you by Latarian Milton, who reminds you that it’s fun to do bad things.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itgcNy3L_Xc&feature=related

…from a large state school recruit who throws a fellow student into a tree shredder at a party…

+ infinity. I’m dying.

If the early scores are any indication…its gonna be a long dry offseason….
Over/Under on the points it takes to capture FC Championship: Im gonna go with under
15 pts.
Favorite: Iowa…

“…plows a forklift into the side of a water tower, or otherwise eclipses this total in one fluid motion.”

I see what you did there…

While I get the metaphor, I can’t help but think that Tom Boonen would fit in better at U. Miami, where his sprinting abilities and extracurricular enthusiasms would be very much appreciated.

15 points will be shattered with the new bonus points. Winner will be in the 20’s at least.

Congrats on the TdF reference. Now we just need David Zabriskie on Mustache Wednesdays. After the tour concludes in July we are almost there.

skittlebrow @ 10: You left out “lint roller?” Check.

@10…..Mo Clarett was waay out of OSU before that happened, so I don’t think he got any points for it. If any, it would have been honorary points, like OSU got for Boone’s rager.

While I appreciate all of the references to the Canes’ propensity to commit criminal mischief, historically Miami has performed poorly in the Fulmer Cup. Perhaps it’s the small sample size. Better yet, perhaps Miami has been quietly stockpiling weapons, mind-altering substances, and a legion of vestal virgins to defile, in an attempt to one day take over the Fulmer Cup with a coup d’état.

Tread lightly my jort-wearing friends; you don’t want to wake up the slumbering criminal enterprise.

it should be enamed the ferentz cup for iowa’s 23+ arrests last year.

@10

You apparently don’t follow football very closely either when you mention Mo Clarett, who was 4 years removed from tOSU when he was pinched. It is nice to know that a guy playing one year can be the face of the university to so many. At least O. J. Simpson played 2 years for SC. Viking drunk is a term I am going to put to use though. It is worth the charity point just for that.

As for those thinking that it won’t take much to win the FC, just remember, 8 months is a long time. When the weather gets warmer and a few holidays take place with the right mix of alcohol, weed and women, there will be points-a-plenty.

Could we have another honorary point or two for Terry Glenn & The Pusher Man Holmes? Please?

Re #2: Big boys, my ass. Go back to Orson’s archives and see who won the first Fulmer Cup.

I still think the Fulmer Cup needs a scoring category for the inevitable result of teaching players that the school will cover up their problems (as long as the perform well on the field) when those players are no longer under the school’s protection and as a result get arrested for some seriously crazy shit that the player probably didn’t even realize was illegal.

Ohio State and West Virginia would probably alternate winning this category every single year. Oklahoma and LSU would alternate in the third spot.

WVU receiver Jock Sanders arrested for DUI last night. It was only a matter of time before WVU got on the board!