YOUR LATEST DAUPHIN IS NAMED AT MARYLAND

by Orson on Feb 6, 2009 1:08 PM EST

James Franklin will be the successor to Ralph Friedgen at Maryland in the latest naming of the Dauphin, or if you like to think of it more crudely, he'll get a shot at the girlfriend after Friedgen finished up with her in the next year or two. Was it smooth vomit, or the chunky kind, or a nice middle ground? Apologies. Turn the laptop upside down and commence shaking for a moment.

He's not fat. He's sensuous.

Also finding new work of sorts: Tony Franklin, the textbook-writin', Hugh-Nall fightin', Tuberville-indictin', pink-slip kitin' offensive coordinator who, after his ignominious departure from Auburn, has now found employ at Middle Tennessee State. He credits his success in the interview to actually shaving, since the last time we all saw Franklin he looked like he'd just gotten through huffing Krylon through a filthy rag for three days straight and sleeping in the crawlspace of the Auburn football offices.

Tweet Comment 5 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

it was a waterfall that started chunky and finished with mostly bile. thank you for that lovely, lovely image.

/shudders

by gvtm on Feb 6, 2009 1:17 PM EST reply actions

Vomit? Whatever for? Look, odds are that the only way for someone that rotund to get vaginal purchase on his girlfriend would be to get her bent over and willing to support his gut on her ass. Otherwise it’s a lot of huffing and puffing and spunking on her thighs because that’s as close as he can get.

A quick shower to clean that off (as well as any lingering second-hand cheesesteak fumes), and said girlfriend would be ready to take a dauphin plunge… assuming that she wasn’t suffering from PTSD.

by DC Trojan on Feb 6, 2009 1:28 PM EST reply actions

I think the iPhone needs an app where one can upload an image of Friedgen, Mangino, etc and when you shake the phone the man in the picture jiggles. And for you bunda-starved types it would work on Latin supermodels as well. Paging Dr. Freek…

by Big Jon on Feb 6, 2009 2:38 PM EST reply actions

Big Jon – You’re on to something there. iCoach Jiggler: free. iBunda Jiggler – $4.99. Profit!

by DC Trojan on Feb 6, 2009 2:43 PM EST reply actions

as a proud member of the maryland community, i laugh heartily at your comparisons, but know that u will be course number 23 at friedgen’s dinner tonite

by chops056 on Feb 6, 2009 6:31 PM EST reply actions