You can’t count this one either, but congratulations. While reminding the acquisitionally inclined championship accountants of Alabama that this does not count, either, Alabama earned the highest marks from Rivals.com on National Signing Day. Or didn’t. Or it was LSU, whose frenetic signing day had Les Miles answering his phone in the middle of press conferences. The good doctor has Alabama at number one in the recruiting trough nationally, and on par with USC and Florida in terms of program profile.

The only difference in our minds between the three programs is this: Saban refuses to outright destroy people like Meyer and Carroll will, and thus keeps Alabama in some close to middling games that should be LMAO blowouts all the way through (see the Georgia game, which Alabama could have won by fifty if so inclined.) Style points matter, but Nick Saban doesn’t have time for that shit.

For those august two: A great day by anyone else’s standards, but for USC and Florida they qualify merely as very good days for Messrs. Carroll and Meyer. USCs’ class was excellent despite the loss of Manti Te’o and Xavier Su’a Filo; ditto for Meyer, whose class lost Nu’Keese Richardson and Marsalis Teague to Tennessee, who had a very good day despite the late assembly of the LEEGA ESTRARDINARAH GENNAHMEN.

Fellow pillars of the universe Texas and Ohio State were both fine, thank you very much.

Hat of the Day: Not Dre Kirkpatrick’s Alabama Braves hat; no, the award goes to Shaun Simon’s Colorado Buffalo Haberdashery:

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Ralphie would approve, but she’s too busy running over her handlers and monitoring the horizon for mountain lions.

Who’s That Girl? (She has recruits.) Rick Neuheisel’s superb recruiting class carved out of the center of Pete Carroll’s milkshake farm could mark the turning point for UCLA, and if it doesn’t, well, no one will remember you wrote a story where you made such a dramatic proclamation, anyway.

Big day at the buffet for some. Marky M lands the best recruiting class of his tenure; Captain Yarr announces the same, crediting increased exposure from their 11-2 run last year.