We would like to announce that in addition to signing Drinky Crow, we also have received a fax from promising billiards athlete Been Had Money.

Trent Richardson won’t announce for another half-hour or so, but do not let that stop us from surveying the landscape of smoking fax machines in that oh-so-original of ways, a cleverly coded winners/losers list.

BEEN HAD MONEY: Michigan, who took Denard Robinson at “athlete,” which in the spread option usually means “quarterback,” and who picked up key pieces from points south. Rodriguez recruited AustralAmerica well, though they did lose out on Pearlie Graves, a name we would strangle a wilderbeest to have on our team.

ALSO BEEN HAD MONEY: UCLA, who may not have had USC’s class overall, but who scored crucial points by getting OL Xavier Su’a-Filo and a solid class in the heart of the Carroll Co-Prosperity Sphere.

BEEN HAD MONEY (AND BACON-FLAVORED POI): Notre Dame. Pulling Manti Te’o out of Hawaii is a feat of extraction the CIA at its best would envy, especially going head to head with Pete Carroll. Google does not lie:

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Te’o will take a Mormon mission trip at one point, probably to someplace with warmer weather and better entertainment than South Bend. We’ve heard Moldova’s nice! (Or haven’t, but it qualifies.)

GOT BEEN DONE HAD MONEY AND SWAGGER: Alabama, according to Dre Kirkpatrick.