CURIOUS INDEX, 2/4/2009

by Orson on Feb 4, 2009 9:45 AM EST

The acceptable time to stalk high schoolers is over. You'll be doing it on your own now and not with the sanction of a football-related event. Per tradition, the USC staff was up until 2 PST last night, and spent the time making a few last calls, seeing who was going to pass out first, listening to Santana and T.I., and watching Sam Kinison.

Afterwards, they had a long, rambling conversation about the nature of the universe, and then ordered a pizza before falling asleep on the floor. Carroll did take a two hour nap, presumably to allow his astral form to skate the cosmic plane looking for recruits. (NCAA regulations do not cover alternate dimensions...yet.) The USCRipsIt blog contains more real, non-fictional hilarity and Pete Carroll starry-eyed optimism than you could possibly imagine, including this quote, which may be harmful to diabetics due to sugar content:

This is for all the moms and dads who are letting their kids live their dreams today, Carroll said.

You angels, it is the day of Ascension. Win Forever.

Also awake and perky beyond belief. Brian at In the Bleachers is liveblogging the whole thing minute by minute. We've replaced his coffee today with PCP: let's see if he notices! Also liveblogging the thing is the estimable Joe Cribbs Car Wash, who celebrates "Pervy Christmas" today in year one of the Chizik era.

Early returns: The most important player left in the field--Orson Charles, naturally--has dropped Florida State, most likely because Florida State has become over the past decade the place where blue-chip offensive talent goes to die. ORSON HEAR THE SOUND OF MY VOICE AND ITS PROMISE OF LAUDATORY COVERAGE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF YOUR EXEMPLARY FIRST NAME AND COME TO FLORIDA.

Your resume alarms me. Thamel/Evans profile a "recruiting consultant" for high school athletes. Hey, what could possibly be sketchoid about a guy who sells himself to high schoolers as a guru for the college selection process?

Butler, a former rapper and cellphone call-center manager, is among a new breed of entrepreneurs inserting themselves into college football recruiting.

RUN YOUNGSTERS. We mean, um...yes, he sounds like a specialist who has years of experience in the field and your best interests at heart. Go right ahead! Also, that girl who will prior to the NFL draft say she's on the pill? Go ahead and make a few direct deposits one drunken evening. No ulterior motives whatsoever, you junior Candide you.

Band Geekery, Note one. Eddie was the drum major for USC, which he actually lifted weights to prepare for over the spring prior to his senior year. One time, at band camp, I BROKE MY GODDAMN ARMOR FLEXING MY MASSIVE LATS.

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Since we know the President likes college football and that there will soon be empty beds at Gitmo, I’m seeing a win-win here by rounding up all of these “recruiting consultants” and shipping them out to West Fidelistan.

by DevilGrad on Feb 4, 2009 9:48 AM EST reply actions

I see the record crowd at that SC game is quite enthralled with the pre-game ritual of plunging-the-sword-into-the-turf.

by zzgator on Feb 4, 2009 9:53 AM EST reply actions

Keep your hands off Orson, Orson. You already took our manhood, our hope for the future, and our very souls. Couldn’t you at least leave us one solitary pass catching tight end with deceptive speed and better than average blocking ability? Hugs,

Bulldog Fans

by MaconDawg on Feb 4, 2009 9:55 AM EST reply actions

We signed a great group of kids. This was our best class ever. We had needs at several positions and we filled those needs. There wasn’t anybody that we wanted that we didn’t get.

Signed,

Every Head Coach in the Country

by Raider Red on Feb 4, 2009 10:15 AM EST reply actions

Raider Red – nice work.

by DC Trojan on Feb 4, 2009 10:17 AM EST reply actions

If those who actually played organized football and know what it is like for an obese man wearing BIKE coaching shorts to curse them for hours on end in August during two-a-days due to vomiting too much will stop mocking those who have not played a down of football yet wish to comment on football…

will the latter stop mocking the following of recruiting? It is the engine that drives the train.

Having said the above, I have enjoyed EDSBS’ recruiting coverage this year.

by Coop on Feb 4, 2009 10:21 AM EST reply actions

Sam Kinison with the ten words that changed Mark Mangino’s life: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! WE’RE GOING TO TAKE YOU WHERE THE FOOD IS!”

by DevilGrad on Feb 4, 2009 10:24 AM EST reply actions

At first I assumed, oh yea this consultant guy is just getting film out there, helping kids get a sports resume together, and vouching for them. Ha so hilarious that they are inventing phantom offers in order to get other ones from schools do dumb or poor to do their own good recruiting. the scary part is that “He probably would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!”

by Brian on Feb 4, 2009 11:29 AM EST reply actions

zz @ 2: That’s the start of the pre-game, long before the game actually starts. Everybody is still taligating at that point.

I feel like I need to take a shower after just reading about that slimeball “recruiting consultant”. Everything that guy does is just wrong.

by oc phil on Feb 4, 2009 11:48 AM EST reply actions

Ah, Sam Kinison. One of the all-time greats.

Saw him in ’89 or so at the local theater. He was bearded, drunk, and did half of his act with a stripper gratuitously draped on his arm, just to show us how famous he was. He had clearly lost his fastball. But he was still funny as hell.

And I never looked at a grilled cheese sandwich the same way after that evening.

He died when I was in college. On the night when word began spreading of his death, one of my neighbors, after consuming three bottles of Cisco (a poor student’s Mad Dog 20/20 substitute… yes, it was every bit as nasty as you’d imagine), tried to convince the entire room that it was a professional hit, and that Kinison had been targeted “just like Malcolm X.”

by Papa Lou BSU on Feb 5, 2009 12:39 AM EST reply actions