FULMER CUP: THIS WASN'T THAT DANE COOK, BECAUSE IT IS FUNNY
by Orson on Feb 2, 2009 12:19 PM EST
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PrintAlways pay your cabbie: they journeyed either from rehab or from the furthest reaches of the earth to take your drunk ass from one place to another, and you owe them not only the proper fare for the effort, but also a generous tip for putting up with your drunk ass. Bonus: in Atlanta they're all Ethiopian or Eritrean, and will tell you about places like California Mart or the kickass African food stand at the airport we've been meaning to try for months now.
(Superb review from Yelp there: "Not really sure what I ate...but fantastic." Honesty and bravery in one review, sir.)
Even tiny Muncie, Indiana has its share of God's drunk-shepherds, and at least one unfortunately named Ball State football player now looking at a felony charge due to his refusal to pay his toll for disabling his driving reflexes.
Dane Cook, who was a sophomore free safety on the 2008 Ball State football team, was arrested on the preliminary charges of public intoxication and theft at about 4 a.m. Saturday at Beacon Hill Apartments, police said.
Video of the incident follows!
Apologies. That is not video of the incident, but instead is a man shooting a UFO, but the idea of putting a picture of Dane Cook on our dear website just caused us to grow whole, fishy scales across the length and breadth of our body. Cook will earn four points for the incident, and put Ball State in the lead for the Fulmer Cup, which we sorely need to update here shortly: three points for the felony (even if it is a grade D,) and one point for the public intox charge. He also wants to know why everything in a public bathroom is always wet, and man does his ass itch and why MURDERED BY SHOVEL.
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No bonus point for “resisting arrest”? Running from the cops deserves some kind of recognition playa.
And despite Dane Cook, I thought Mr. Brooks was mildly entertaining, as opposed to Frost/Nixon which fucking sucked and will still win many stupid awards.
by Brian O'Blivion on Feb 2, 2009 12:34 PM EST reply actions
Alexander resisted arrest. Cook sat by the cab and stole jokes from the cabbie.
by Orson Swindle on Feb 2, 2009 12:35 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah, it was Alexander. I blame the Super Bowl hangover and annoying co-worker Groundhog Day jokes.
by Brian O'Blivion on Feb 2, 2009 12:49 PM EST reply actions
my freshman year at UF was the year EVERYBODY had dane cook’s album. i never again want to be invited to listening parties where everyone recites the jokes before he says them. my soul, it hurts.
by swampchomp on Feb 2, 2009 1:17 PM EST reply actions
Dane Cook. All the suck of Nickelback but with less funny.
by ProfKid93 on Feb 2, 2009 1:26 PM EST reply actions
I never thought Dane Cook was funny and couldn’t understand his appeal. I thought it was because I was old and out of touch. I now know I was right all along. I feel better. Thanks EDSBS!
by Crabapple Buck on Feb 2, 2009 2:17 PM EST reply actions
Andy Kennedy thinks Dane Cook’s cab problems are bush-league.
by jakldawg on Feb 2, 2009 2:40 PM EST reply actions
That guy should get Fulmer Cup points for being named Dane Cook. Thats a crime all itself.
The crime being not having his named changed.
Put me under the file of “Thinks Dane Cook is not funny.” He may be funny to drunk/drugged/meth heads, and serial killers. I felt bad for the shovel for having to come in contact with Dane Cook, cause now the shovel has to be burned.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Feb 2, 2009 3:02 PM EST reply actions
Re #8: I refer you to Michael Bolton from “Office Space.”
“Why should I change my name when he’s the one who sucks?”
by DevilGrad on Feb 2, 2009 3:47 PM EST reply actions
I don’t get the antipathy toward the likes of Dane Cook and Jimmy Fallon. I never really found, say. Molly Shannon, Horatio Sanz, or Wanda Sykes to be very funny either, but I don’t wish them dead or anythhing.
by PW on Feb 2, 2009 6:24 PM EST reply actions
OSU O-lineman Alex Boone apparently likes to jump on car hoods while drunk and rollin’ in Orange County.
by Signal to Noise on Feb 2, 2009 6:34 PM EST reply actions
Unfortunately Mr. Boone is not eligible for Cup points, but this does bring to question, surely if the po-po feel the need to use a tazer or other similar device to subdue the offender, bonus points must be assigned, for they have most surely been earned.
- May already be addressed, but rather than taking the time to research, I’ll just go ahead and post.
by skinnyphatman on Feb 2, 2009 7:08 PM EST reply actions
Thanks Alex, for waiting until your eligibility was done before your latest episode garnered Fulmer Cup points and the shame? that comes with them.
by Crabapple Buck on Feb 2, 2009 8:07 PM EST reply actions
“Mr. Brooks” is a very good kitsch movie. I encourage everyone to watch the whole thing.
by John on Feb 2, 2009 10:16 PM EST reply actions
When I first read about Dane’s early-season heroics at Over The Pylon, I had the same first reaction as Alan, the blog’s proprietor: “Wait, he took a cab to Beacon Hill?” Most Ball Staters would offer up a hearty “WTF” to that… since Beacon Hill is all of five or six blocks from The Village (popular off-campus drinkin’ district and home of 95 percent of the bar-related revelry for BSU students). You’d have a hard time finishing a post-Dill Street slice from Greek’s on a stroll that short. If that was indeed his departure point, I’m almost more offended by the young man’s epic laziness than I am his actual crime (which I’m none too thrilled with… stiffing those who work in the bust-your-ass sector of the service economy -cabbies, wait staff, hotel housekeepers, etc. - is among the douchebaggiest of minor offenses, IMO).
My second reaction was “Since when does Muncie have actual taxi cabs?”
by Papa Lou BSU on Feb 10, 2009 12:31 AM EST reply actions
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