FULMER CUP: PRESTON PARKER TAKES A NAP AT MCD'S

by Orson on Feb 2, 2009 9:33 AM EST

There's good places to take a nap in public. We prefer the chairs some kind retailers put out for sad husbands to hold down while wives or girlfriends browse clothing and suffer minor cycles of breakdown/affirmation. It's a bit like going to community theatre; if it's dark enough, you can nod off comfortably while your significant other passes through the entire dramatic cycle in ten minutes over a single pair of pants.

A bad place to fall asleep is in the drive-thru lane at McDonald's, which is where Preston Parker of Florida State fell asleep Saturday night. (Bobby Bowden: "He diyud, he diyud...but he's a good kid.") Parker was arrested for "driving under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs," and admitted to drinking and smoking marijuana.

parker

This leads us to the hilarious disclosure of this delightful piece of police report verbiage:

According to police, Parker's blood alcohol content below the state's drunk-driving limit.

However, Parker's urine sample was presumptive positive for marijuana.

Oh, the endless number of people we could include under the title of "presumptive positive" for marijuana: Percy Harvin, George W. Bush (why the fuck not, sir?), anyone who just shook hands with L'il Wayne, Penn Wagers, Charles Haley, Christopher Buckley...this "presumptive positive" is going to be useful phrasing, as in "Tommy Bowden's teams at Clemson were usually a presumptive positive for bitch mentality." Muchas gracias, Tallahassee PD. We'll honor you by passing out at the driver's seat in the line at Zesto's soon.

Oh, and Preston Parker puts FSU at the head of the drive-thru line for the Fulmer Cup with this three point offense: two for the DWI/DUI/whatevs, and one style point for falling asleep while waiting for his McRib.

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I’m loving it.

by GatorGreg on Feb 2, 2009 9:43 AM EST reply actions

Man, I miss me some Zesto’s! Do they still have the 6 burgers for $2 deal?

by jacketexan on Feb 2, 2009 9:45 AM EST reply actions

The McRib is over-hyped…

I really wish McD’s would bring back the Shamrock Shake

by CincySooner on Feb 2, 2009 9:49 AM EST reply actions

Let he among us who has not passed out in a drive-thru, take the first bong hit.

by ChasingMizzou on Feb 2, 2009 9:50 AM EST reply actions

His simple arrest may not be so simple. If I am not mistaken, he is still on probation. This could ultimately end up with a revocation of his probation with Palm Beach County. He could be facing some jail time. Not good. He has to be one of the dumbest guys I’ve ever seen. He seems to think that volunteering information to the cops (such as I was just smoking MJ) is a GOOD thing. Are there Fulmer points for stupidity?

by hobeg8r on Feb 2, 2009 9:52 AM EST reply actions

No, they don’t still do 6 burgers for $2, or didn’t when I was last regularly eating there in 2006.

Nothing could make me happier than the Zesto’s reference, except perhaps having one up here in DC. Damn it, life, how dare you take me away from the best fried chicken the world has ever known?

by That Guy on Feb 2, 2009 9:55 AM EST reply actions

I’m pretty sure Urban Meyer is presumptive positive for angel dust. He’s paranoid, prone to rages and blank staring, and seems impervious to pain:

http://www.adolescent-substance-abuse.com/signs-pcp.html

I’m just saying it explains a lot . . .

by MaconDawg on Feb 2, 2009 10:08 AM EST reply actions

The McRib is overhyped? By who? Do you know anyone who rushes to McDonald’s to procure one whenever McD’s brings them back? I am by no means a frequent McD’s patron, but I can probably count on on two hands the number of times I have witnessed someone eating or ordering that boneless, pressed, God knows what on a bun.

by Coop on Feb 2, 2009 10:12 AM EST reply actions

I’m just saying that year after year, McD’s puts together a ad campaign for the Limited-Time-Only-McRib, and I think it’s weird.

I mean it’s not like the ingredients go out of season or anything.

by CincySooner on Feb 2, 2009 10:15 AM EST reply actions

Could the sleepiness have been induced by a McDonald’s related case of the “itis?”

South Moreland Zesto or L5P Zesto?

by Raleigh Urbain on Feb 2, 2009 10:22 AM EST reply actions

Why must we continue to perpetuate racial stereotypes by assuming Preston was waiting on line for a McRib? Couldn’t he just as well have passed out waiting for a Southwestern Chicken Salad or maybe a Fruit n Yogurt Parfait ?

What’s next, he also asked for a watermelon shake and a side of fried chicken?

Can’t we all just get along?

@3 – McRib, overhyped? Really? Around these parts McRib is viewed upon with disgust and distain. Like the “ribs” they schlep around to schoolkids in Lunch Lady land.

by Irwin Fletcher on Feb 2, 2009 10:28 AM EST reply actions

@7 & 8-

Department of Redundancy Department, my bad – took too long to hit SUBMIT.

by Irwin Fletcher on Feb 2, 2009 10:30 AM EST reply actions

Grandpa Swindle used to put on his coat and shoes with a fierceness when an ad trumpeted the return of McRib. he’d forget his pants in the process, but there’s a price to pay for the McRib.

by Orson Swindle on Feb 2, 2009 10:51 AM EST reply actions

I am convinced that McD’s brings back the McRib whenever they have an excess supply of the “chicken” for their McNuggets. There are several websites with pictures of McRibs without the barbecue sauce coating. They don’t appear to be too much different than what is inside of a McNugget.

by Coop on Feb 2, 2009 11:05 AM EST reply actions

Yeah guys, the McRib is the only McDonald’s sandwich that features meat of questionable quality.

by PW on Feb 2, 2009 11:06 AM EST reply actions

<a href="http://media.www.bsudailynews.com/media/storage/paper849/news/2009/01/30/Sports/Football.Player.Arrested.On.Suspected.Theft-3605561.shtml" rel="nofollow">Ball State scoffs at that 3 point “lead” sir.

by Brian O'Blivion on Feb 2, 2009 11:10 AM EST reply actions

+10 to you Brian O. I was wondering when the first felony of the year would come in. After a slow start it seems that the Fulmer Cup is finally picking up speed.

by JIMatUA on Feb 2, 2009 11:16 AM EST reply actions

Is this a D1 competition?
(When I read this, I thought that it was the other ND.)
http://www.wday.com/news/index.cfm?id=8505

by shawnoc on Feb 2, 2009 11:33 AM EST reply actions

You can add Michael Phelps to that ‘presumptive positive’ list.

8 Golds, and he smokes weed = case for legalization closed.

by Brian O'Blivion on Feb 2, 2009 12:53 PM EST reply actions

Hogies and grinders! Hogies and grinders! Navy beans! Navy beans! Navy beans! Navy beans!

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Feb 2, 2009 12:54 PM EST reply actions

Meatloaf sandwich!

by tOSU_radar on Feb 2, 2009 1:44 PM EST reply actions

NCAA must have em runnin’ scared in Tallacrappy…Preston was actually dismissed from the team for this incident.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090202/D963FC3G0.html

They still get the FC points though…right?

by zzgator on Feb 2, 2009 3:04 PM EST reply actions

Oops…wrong link…and if you clicked on the earlier one you muct know how hard I had to fight the urge to post it again…and again.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090202/ap_on_sp_co_ne/fbc_florida_st_parker;_ylt=As5xmG6UvOIs5y0.Bl2lfCckybQF

by zzgator on Feb 2, 2009 3:05 PM EST reply actions

To think, I thought Michael Phelps 10,000 calories was for training, hell it was his daily snack attack, from smoke weed…..imagine how much dope it takes to fill those lungs….I guess his High Times endorsement deal was a GREAT idea….police checked his IPOD and he had the past 3 seasons of WEEDS on it…..

McRib…rumored to be made from former employees

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Feb 2, 2009 3:09 PM EST reply actions