We disagree with almost every football stance taken in the following, but the Bowden imitation and this line alone make it worth listening to:
“Steve Spurrier won the Heisman Trophy when all the black guys were in Vietnam.”
He’s wrong on one thing, though. You can say anything derogatory about anyone in the South, provided you follow it up with “Bless his/her heart,” as in “That man just can’t keep his cock out of pig-ass, bless his heart.”
Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
Comments? Questions? Long strings of profanities directed at something we said? Please send your comments to harumphharumph -a- yahoo -dot- com. Please direct all tailgating photos and stories to edsbsfans -a- gmail -dot- com.
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51
Mr. Shuler Goes to Washington says:
worstfan,
+1. Not much I can say besides well played, sir. But again, just because I wasn’t ready to throw the entire Auburn program under the bus, and just because I’m not ready to burn General Lee in effigy, doesn’t mean I some sort of backwoods Southern redneck racist that makes love to my pet goat.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
52
Harris says:
Uh-huh. And what exactly do you think slavery entailed? Despite what you may have heard, it was generally unpleasant for the slaves. Shocking, I know. Children torn from their mothers and sold to the highest bidder? Yep, that happened. Slave-owners raping slaves? That too. Slaves brutalized, dehumanized, beaten, killed and worked like, well, like slaves?. Golly-gosh, yes. Did Lee support all that? I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say he didn’t. Did he fight to preserve that tradition? You bet your ass he did and, certainly by your definition, fought hard and fought well. So, please, do forgive me if I’m not willing to fall all over myself praising a man who was perfectly willing to kill and die to preserve slavery.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
53
Holly says:
January 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
54
The Snake will Drive Again! says:
This is why I refuse to learn anything about the Civil War. Is there anywhere I can get a completely unbiased, factual and historical synopsis of The Civil War? I have yet to find it, but hear the PBS documentary by Ken Burns is worth the 18 hours or so.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
55
AzWill says:
“Don’t be stupid. Yes, the South lost at Gettysburg due in large part to the strategic mistakes (one of which is more glaring than the others) of Lee, but without him, the South doesn’t last past 1862.”
So, it’s a good thing that the South had Lee? Three more years of carnage for a losing cause is a good thing? Wow. All things considered, I would think the moral response is “too bad the South had such a good General; it only prolonged the misery of the country.”
And this coming from a son whose mother still celebrates Lee’s birthday every year by wearing a stars and bars head scarf to work…at a public school.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
56
Mr. Shuler Goes to Washington says:
Harris,
We’ll agree to disagree. And after having given it some thought, I’ll agree with you that you have a right not to look upon Lee with any sort of deifying gaze, and that you shouldn’t be called out for failing to do so. That was my bad. All I was trying to argue is that he was the sort of man that I can look up to, and that doesn’t make me some crazed racist. That is because he was not the sort of Southerner that fought so he could whip and rape slaves. That’s all I meant to convey.
January 30th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
57
JIMatUA says:
Holly that is awesome! However, can we please get back to the fact that Peter Warrick STOLE my bike?
PS @52 There is no need to bring Thomas Jefferson’s sexual habits into this discussion.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
58
Harris says:
I never called you a racist (though I’ve got my eye on you). My point was merely that the man you call a hero fought to preserve a monstrous injustice. Whatever his personal reasons and what ever his personal feelings, that’s the truth. That’s no more heroic fighting to protect Robert Mugabe. I think it’s odd you look up to him because, by your own reckoning, the man fought for something he didn’t believe in and lead other men to their deaths for a cause he didn’t support. I’d have more respect for the man, I’d maybe even call him a hero, if he had believed in the Confederacy and later admitted he was wrong. I disagree with George Wallace on nearly everything, but I have to give him credit for renouncing his bigoted past.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
59
Jason says:
Holly-
It’s good to see that your lack of opposable thumbs doesn’t keep you from posting.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
60
ProfKid93 says:
Well, I’ve stirred this pot enough. Harris and DCTrojan, I totally get where you’re coming from – I generally gag on antebellum romanticism and rooted for the fire when I watched Gone With the Wind. But I also know that we’re all imperfect, and despite the fact that Lee, whatever his reasons, chose ill when he had to make his choice, doesn’t mean that there wasn’t also something to his personal character to admire. On the flip side, Shuler, veneration of the “noble dead” propped up for years the supposed righteousness of the lost cause, and a whole lot of black people had to live with that. That may not be true today and certainly may not be true for you, but it’s a lot of history for my African-American brothers to just set aside.
But let me be a uniter – I root for Notre Dame, you can all agree in hating me.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
61
Harris says:
@ ProfKid93: You too? Shit, son. You a good ol’ boy. You and me are gonna talk mad shit around here when (and if) Weis ever puts it all together.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
62
robert says:
Borat can sum this up:
January 30th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
63
DC Trojan says:
ProfKid93 – imperfection is why I’m not getting all crazy about this. Much as I enjoy my adopted homeland of many years, my legacy of shame is an Empire upon which the sun never set, and the fact that my forebears reacted to the final smackdown of the 1745 Rebellion and subsequent ethnic cleansing by either selling out to the English, or taking their shit on the road to vent at the expense of the locals around the world. And just because you can look at infrastructure, civil service, and education in those former colonies that shame the slack-ass efforts of rest of the European colonial metropoles, it doesn’t change the fact that it was wrong.
Truth be told, the southern states of the Union were a bunch of rank amateurs when it came to spreading misery and bondage – but then when it came to bondage, they didn’t have the advantage of a ruling class raised in boarding schools, wink wink nudge nudge.
January 30th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
64
mykiesee says:
I guess it doesn’t matter now that the reason the Civil War was fought had more to do about taxes than slavery? Anyone?
January 30th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
65
Sims says:
The Snake will Drive Again– Read Shelby Foote’s 3-book epic on the Civil War. Far and away the best (and most unbiased—presented with purely facts and no other opinion/commentary) Civil War literature that is available.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
66
baconboy says:
I got to work and when I get back this place has turned into the Huffington Post!
Anyway, what is this Civil War everyone is talking about? I’ve heard of Robert E. Lee, but I always thought he fought in the War of Northern Aggression.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
67
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
This thread will live in infamy.
Simply put: U Crackas B Trippin’!!
If the South would have won, it would mean that the Big 10 now would be the dominant conference. And the south wouldn’t be Mayberry. It would be one big Morgantown.
The SEC would be looked down upon as the WAC.
Just for kicks, if the South would have won, where would the North be in quality of living vs the South in quality of living? Would Baseball be the darling of the SEC? or Hockey?
January 30th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
68
Kecalf Bailey says:
damn, howd did yall get to be so smart?
January 30th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
69
An 'eer with a Beer says:
What I’d point out first of all is that Orson doesn’t strike me as any kind of southerner I’ve ever met — more like the metrosexual descendant of New Yorkers who moved from Queens to Atlanta when the local Coke plant closed.
So for him to say that he disagrees with pretty much every football stance taken in that broadcast desn’t strike me as strange at all, but it does remind me of Lt. Willard telling Col. Kilgore how to surf in “Apocalypse Now.”
January 30th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
70
AZDuck says:
Mr. Pelican Pants @ 67:
The Pac-10 would still bet better than the Big 10. The South’s quality of life would be right up there with Brazil’s. The national sport would be cockfighting, of course.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
71
THETexasStateUniversity says:
Sam Houston is a punk-ass bitch.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
72
MightyMightyMitzu says:
#69 despite his transgressions I think Swindle’s a bonifide son of the cradle of Jack Daniel whether he likes it or not.
And this thread pales in comparison to the Race War staged over those LSU tailgaters last year. Step it up people.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
73
AzWill says:
TheTSU,
Son, you just went from preachin’ to meddlin’.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
74
BamaCPA says:
Auburn and Tennessee suck.
January 30th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
75
Benny Lava says:
Going back to Lee’s defeat at Gettysburg……
Lots of things went badly for him, but one key driver:
Cavalry. Or lack thereof.
Buford and his Union cavalry troops provided a textbook display of mastery of the Cav mission in the defense (delay, deceive, attrit).
Jeb Stuart had his cavalry troops joyriding all over the Pennsylvania countryside. Glamorous? Sure. Low-risk? Sure. But his failure to accomplish the mission left Lee blind at critical moments in the battle. Stuart didn’t even remotely accomplish the Cav’s mission in the offense. Any resemblance was purely serendipitous.
These are among the basics of the mission that are still relevant today.
Note 1. It’s good to see my fellow readers back away from the virtriol and see nuggets of thought and value in each others arguments. This is the most intelligent reader base in the sports blogosphere, and it’s been fun (and funny) to read the thread. Thanks again Orson & Co. for helping to make life worth living.
Note 2. Go Irish! (placed so that the rest of you motherf*ckers can continue to gel towards each other with a common foe in mind…)
Scouts Out & Forward
January 30th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
76
Brizzle says:
OK short and sweet: Southerners who fly Stars and Bars flags, worship Lee, or do any other of the countless things I’ve seen are FUCKING GAY. This is from a man who grew up in Louisiana, where I’ve heard Martin Luther King day called James Earl Ray day. That shit is just stupid. “Oh Southerner’s were just fighting to keep the North from telling them what to do, or to keep their way of life.” Yeah, ok. Go fuck your sister/wife then fuck yourself with a pineapple.
January 31st, 2009 at 9:04 am
77
softbatch says:
That Bowden impression is great.
Snake/54: Read James McPherson’s _Battle Cry of Freedom_, and if you want to learn more, read the books cited in his footnotes that look interesting.
If anyone wants a unique perspective on Lee’s and Grant’s generalship, I highly suggest J.F.C. Fuller’s _Grant and Lee: A Study in Personality and Generalship_.
…
Speaking of Civil War stuff, I’ve often thought it’d be fun to compare coaches to Civil War generals. For example:
Charlie Weiss / Winfield Scott: “Ol’ Fuss and Feathers” was too fat to get up on his own horse, so he had to be helped onto it each morning.
John Tenuta / James Longstreet: Excellent assistant; excels at defense by sending them all. Did not/would not likely succeed with a command of his own.
Les Miles / Robert E. Lee: Ultimate risk-taker, and it seems to pay off most times.
etc.
January 31st, 2009 at 10:18 am
78
AzWill says:
I would think Les Miles would be more of a Grant. He succeeds with someone else’s army and after the conflict is elevated beyond his competency level by his booze empowered fans.
January 31st, 2009 at 12:24 pm
79
www.southbendblarney.com says:
Black guys leaving Vietnam and laying down roots in the southern states may also the reason for the fall of the Big 10 and other midwestern schools. Well, that, and the fact that the SEC will literally sell its sole to pay for coaches that can recruit these athletes.
January 31st, 2009 at 5:01 pm
80
Kecalf Bailey says:
count me as one who would sell his sole for a recruit.
January 31st, 2009 at 5:54 pm
81
jerseyredknight says:
FSU –> Fulmer Cup Points — DUI, weed and booze + falling asleep in the drive-through lane of a McDonalds + multiple arrests in teh past twelve months (does he get some sort of combo points like mortal kombat?).
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/football/ncaa/01/31/Parker.FSU.ap/index.html
“He’s a good kiyud” pending
January 31st, 2009 at 8:54 pm