KNOW YOUR RECRUITS: D.J. FLUKER

“and the sweet noise of villagers asking him to bring back the sun.”

I am so having a BAD DAY/WEEK but this one little line made me LMAO! Thanks!

Diet Mtn. Dew all over my monitor.

Dislikes: Your bitch ass. Cauliflower.

For some reason, this reminded me of Marques Slocum.

Threadjack. Orson, are you going to do anything in honor of Updike? There’s only one site I turn to for my college football/commentary on iconic American literary figures.

Sparrow: probably not. Updike always bored the shit out of us, either an indication of our total lack of sophistication, or that Updike is just kind of boring.

[/ducks thrown copy of Rabbit, Run]

gets hit in face with book

WTF man, this is why engineers hate literature, its pointy and shit…

I’m imagining practice next August when he goes against Terrance 1 on 1. And would pay to see it. About 5.2, 5.3 on the Richter at impact.

The crazy Offensive Coordinator in my mind has both Fluker and Terrance Cody in the backfield at the same time….His eyebrows are very Neville brotherish…..
Did they ever kill the monster in Cloverfield?

I started laughing so hard at my desk that the girl in cubicle next to me poked her head over to see what all the fuss was about. I tried to explain to her what I found so funny, but she just rolled her eyes and went back to work. Man, does she look dumb.

Fine, I guess I’ll just settle for whatever second rate obit they are posting on CFN…

From the weight alone, I say he bleeds Mercury….
Updike is no Tom Clancy, I grant ya that……..

orson, come on, i thought every guy could relate to “A&P”, the short story about the three girls going into the grocery store in bathing suits and the teenage guy dreaming about them and then quitting his job when they are reprimanded for dressing like skanks. no? okay.

The item after Updike’s death on the BBC feed list was something about a Bulgarian bus hijacker surrendering… has anyone seen CHAVIS JOHN lately?

Alabama’s starting five on the line next year is going to rival CERN for creation of supermassive gravitational bodies.

“YOUR ONLY FRIEND IS DEATH NOW AND HE’S GONNA BE FIFTEEN MINUTES LATE, BITCH.”

and

“Was Valedictorian of his class thanks to his superb marks in classes like Maiming, Boulder-tossing, and Fear.”

100 cocktails a piece, to you sir, for those fine lines.

staring contests with utility poles

Dammit, I need to stop reading this site during meetings.

For you recruitniks, can you confirm that player in uni #2 is Sam McGuffie?

P.S. Updike: boring as hell. Great cure for insomnia.

#16
Unless Sam McGuffie decided to regress this past year and go back to high school in Foley, Alabama on Friday nights and play for Michigan on Saturdays, well anything is possible, if he needs the practice..plus that guy is way taller than Sam McGuffie anyways

Fantastic post!

Now back to explaining to technology why they need to replace my coffee covered keyboard for the third time in the past year.

I hear all you have to do to take him out of the game is to throw a mouse on the field… that or a peanut trail all the way back to the bus

His mom breast-feeded steroids or what? How can something be 350 pounds and run a 4.9 40-yard dash and NOT being a Grizzly bear?

Who in the hell let the Coach dress out and lead his Pee-Wee football team out onto the field for the coin-toss?

Updike novels; sort of an adult’s version of Where’s Waldo, 10 pages of stunning writing surrounded by 400 pages of white noise (except The Centaur, excellent throughout.)

Those brows, DAYYYYUM. “I’m-a Wario! I’m-a gonna win!”

Dude is easily a 5.13 route. You get no grip on nipples and the chest is too broad. Possible foothold in navel could rationalize a 5.12 problem.

@ Danny Wuerffel’s Helmet at 20: I don’t know what Fluker’s mother fed him, but I’m betting that mother Fluker is in fact a big mother (Fluker).

“Gods do not answer letters.”

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/articles/hub_fans_bid_kid_adieu_article.shtml

Kudos on using proper rock climbing terminology, but I have to disagree. There’s no way you can scale that beast of a tackle in a single pitch—best bring some food, a poop tube and plan on spending the night up there.
 
D.J. Fluker = The Alabama El Capitan.

I bet Ice Cube would beat his ass.

Do the lift numbers look a little low to anyone else, or have I been spending too much time looking at mock drafts that measure the same thing for NFL-bound prospects?

@DevilGrad – and this reader couldn’t remain awake past the 4th paragraph, but that’s just personal preference.

@ Robert Plant – I hadn’t really thought about the question of the facilities when spending the night hanging off a cliff, but the “poop tube” would seem to be pretty vital now that you mention it.

16 and 17:

1. in the picture’s name is “breakfast.”

Surely, as valedictorian, Mr. Fluker appreciates Updike’s mid-career triumphs.

Two things:

1) A 375lbs bench press is extremely good for a high school kid, especially one with that long of a reach. Long arms make it much harder to do huge weight on the bench press (hence the strongest guys on the team are always ~6ft and not 6’6"+.)

2) If you see the guy from the front, it is staggering, as he has no gut. The guy is 350lbs without being “heavy” for his frame. Meaning he can either add another 25lbs and still be extremely productive, or he can add another 25lbs of muscle and challenge people in a bus to a game of chicken with him on a big wheel.

I’d always wondered what Rerun and Shirley’s child would look like.

sonofsamford, judging by that mugshot and El Kabong’s comments, said offspring would be named “Not an Ounce of Fat” Albert.

Holly, Wario, +1

Is it embarrassing to admit that I’m 30 and yet I still get a kick out of Mario Party for Wii?

With his own gravitational pull, “Running Downhill” at Bama means going laterally in his direction.

For off-Tackle plays in his direction Coach Saban is recruiting Kenyans.

Momma Fluker is the firsts to see relief in this economy, discovering that she did indeed have a ’fridge.

Olympic Sprinter’s times can be wind assisted. Fluler’s are buffet assisted.

Team bus by Caterpillar or Union Pacific?

Consider this— at 4.9 in the forty, he is only about a half second slower than world class sprinters running 4.3’s.
At 350 pounds and 6’7", that’s obscene.