RECRUIT PROFILE: TRENT RICHARDSON

We preview the Rivals 100 as only we can: with no actual knowledge or understanding of them or their capabilities.

Recruit: Trent Richardson

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What his picture says about him: Arched eyebrows indicate a skeptical personality, while forward-tilted head positioning hints at a confrontational running style and personality. Also may just be gassy and in need of a moment alone downwind.

Position: Running Back, sous-chef, and slaughterhouse DJ.

Hometown: Pensacola, FL. Escambia High School.

Spiritual Hometown: Ayutthaya, Thailand. Preferably perched like Ong Bak doing dips off the tusks of an elephant before engaging in one-on-eight hundred fight consisting entirely of flying squirrel attacks and sickening arm and leg breaks.

Ballin'? Yes, but not out of control.

Bench max: 350 pounds.

Squat: Does not squat for any man, foo', cause squats is gay.

Committed to: the enduring struggle between reason and faith, the smooth aftertaste of a single malt enjoyed in the brisk air of a dying but still beautiful Hebridean garden in winter, finishing up watching Dr. Who on DVD, and the University of Alabama.

40 time: 4.5 seconds.

Things you didn't know about Trent Richardson: Nicknamed his penis "The Tardis." Has a morbid fear of odd numbers. Bonded with Alabama coach Nick Saban over their shared allergy to peanuts and cowardice. Lists role models as Jesus Christ, Ladanian Tomlinson, and the Alaskan Pipeline, because "it keeps flowing while all else is frosty."

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