CORRECTIONS, 1/23/2009
by Holly Anderson on Jan 23, 2009 3:38 PM EST
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PrintLast Monday, we ran an AP wire item stating that the crash of US Airways Flight 1549 was caused when a Canadian goose was sucked into the plane's air intake. The unfortunate critter has since been re-identified as former Syracuse coach Greg "GERG" Robinson. We regret the error, and wish the Michigan football family all the best as they move forward with a new defensive coordinator that best resembles a fine pink mist.
Thursday's "Hits and Missus" family advice column cited the example of Chris Dalman as someone who chose family over football, as he quit the Stanford football staff to "spend more time with his wife and kids." Dalman's representatives called this week to clarify Dalman's reasons for leaving, which should have read as the following.
Chris Dalman is leaving Stanford to spend more time with your wife and his kids.
We regret the error and wish Coach Dalman luck in his future endeavours.
Tuesday's Curious Index included an item implying that Tennessee head coach Lane Kiffin is part unicorn. We have since been provided with a file photo revealing the horn in question is actually an egg tooth. Kiffin's mother assures us it fell off in early adolescence. We regret the error.
Push, little one!
Wednesday's horoscopes feature advised readers born under the sign of the Bull to "take a cue from fellow Tauran Ed Orgeron and refrain from throwing any coffee tables while visiting strange living rooms this week." Coach Orgeron, born July 27th, is actually a Leo. We regret the error, though we maintain this is good advice in any case.
Wednesday's profile of the Tennessee-Kentucky series stated that, in the interest of heightening publicity for the rivalry, school officials have decided to refer to the annual game in all literature as the Moonshine Cup, a nod to the proud alcoholic nature of both teams. This morning we received the following statement from Tennessee athletic director Mike Hamilton: "While grain alcohol certainly plays an important role in this historic series, we have decided in the interest of modern parlance to title our contest the Methamphetamine Cup." We regret the error.
In Tuesday's "Catching up with Beano," we attributed the following quote to Beano Cook:
There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shitI mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. The odor of a beer shit like that spread all around and stayed for a good hour-and-a-half. It made you realize that you were really alive.
This was misattributed. It is from Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski, and was written by the boozing author himself. It was, however, inspired by a particularly burly beer-induced bowel movement taken by Cook at Bukowski's residence in 1980. Bukowski was forced to rehang the wallpaper in the apartment after the resulting stench stripped it from the walls.
On Thursday we reported that former Nebraska quarterback Eric Crouch has been earning a living since the collapse of the All American Football League by penning a series of paperback romance novels under the name Sebastian Sharpspear. This story was based on poor sourcing, and we have since learned Mr. Crouch's nom de plume is actually Dash Steelmidnight. We regret the error.
Friday's "Cars of the Coaches" featured a Saturn Sky Roadster mistakenly labeled as belonging to Les Miles. Miles and his staff do not drive Saturn products, and instead travel on official business exclusively in perpetually flipping vintage Chevrolet muscle cars surrounded by balls of constantly burning fire.
Miles and assistant coach Gary Crowton seen here on a recruiting trip to Lake Charles, Louisiana.
We regret the error.
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This is one of my favorite running gags.
by Stranko Montana on Jan 23, 2009 3:54 PM EST reply actions
“I shat bitterly” is one of my favorite Bukowski phrases. Doubt Beano has much use for adverbs, though.
by TheWrathofCaan on Jan 23, 2009 4:17 PM EST reply actions
Forcing me to contemplate Beano Cook and “beer shit” in the same paragraph is either completely brilliant comedy writing or a prima facie case for intentional infliction of emotional distress. I’ll laugh now — but reserve the right to change my mind if I can’t sleep all weekend.
by DevilGrad on Jan 23, 2009 4:29 PM EST reply actions
The description alone of “Catching up with Beano” made my screen reek for a day….and those damn scented sticks dont help at all….
And it cant be called the “Methamphetamine Cup” til someone from Tn. steals it and actually uses it to cook meth, then allows it to get blown up when the chemicals asplode inside a trailer behind the Athletic Facility due to poor Quality Assurance in their cooking methods, and ventilation……it would be weird if the whole Tenn Football team got all cranked out and the starting line weight dropped from an average of 310 down to 225….hell Eric Berry would run a 4.19 at 145lbs and simply hit someone hard and bounce right off……he wouldnt be ashy, he’d be all scabbed up….
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 23, 2009 4:37 PM EST reply actions
And it cant be called the Methamphetamine Cup til someone from Tn. steals it and actually uses it to cook meth, then allows it to get blown up when the chemicals asplode inside a trailer behind the Athletic Facility due to poor Quality Assurance in their cooking methods, and ventilation
You say that like it’s not COMPLETELY PLAUSIBLE.
by Holly on Jan 23, 2009 4:49 PM EST reply actions
Any meth jokes here always lead my mind back to the Montana Meth Project posts about a year ago…
by beckett929 on Jan 23, 2009 4:59 PM EST reply actions
If someone doesn’t start commenting here as Sebastian Sharpspear, I don’t know you people at all.
Nice work, Holly.
by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on Jan 23, 2009 5:02 PM EST reply actions
Why in the hell isn’t there a real segment called catching up with Beano? The corrections gag is good, but can you imagine the group of funny that would result from showing Beano’s face and quoting him on things?
by Casual Sax on Jan 23, 2009 6:25 PM EST reply actions
the picture of Little Kiffy with an eggtooth made my otherwise drab week all better
my cfb queen has belched in my general direction and I am all aflutter
by WarChiziken on Jan 23, 2009 7:00 PM EST reply actions
Delicious, Holly.
But I wouldn’t be a true snaggletoothed, trailer-dwelling, muscle-car-loving, uneducated, yapping member of the Arp! Brigade as defined in the previous topic if I failed to point out that them ain’t Chevy’s.
by NRBQ on Jan 23, 2009 7:07 PM EST reply actions
Even better than last week’s.
I can now start to refer to my better bowel movements as "Beano’s. " Thanks for that!
by Geaux Irish on Jan 23, 2009 7:29 PM EST reply actions
Rich Brooks STILL thinks this is bullshit.
by Sebastian Sharpspear on Jan 24, 2009 10:11 AM EST reply actions
Holly, Check this out, scroll down and check out the new “Recession” Logos
http://www.siliconvalleywatcher.com/mt/archives/2009/01/friday_fishwrap.php
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 24, 2009 11:25 AM EST reply actions
And I wouldn’t be a true pompous, my-UGA-degrees-are-as-good-as-any-Wahoo’s, Midtown-dwelling, smug lawyer if I didn’t point out that it’s “Canada goose”, not “Canadian goose”. But since it turned out to be GERG, I s’pose it don’t really matter.
Ornithological misorthography notwithstanding, I heart Corrections, and I heart Holly.
by NCT on Jan 24, 2009 11:46 AM EST reply actions
Holly-
I served on a meth trial in Boone (NC for you non-southerners) in December. The idiot on trial bought 2 packs of sudafed, presented a fake ID w/ a narc in the store, stunk like a lab, did a mickey D’s drive thru and discarded the blister packs into their dumpster while under surveillance by the Boone PD. They stopped him, threw open a blanket in the rear, and, voila, a complete mobile meth lab appeared. Amazingly, the Boone PD & the asst DA almost blew the case.
Where was he from? Mountain City, TN. Better yet, his 12 year old Subaru wagon had a UT decal on the rear window.
Sorry, I agree on the Meth Cup.
by yoyofutbawl on Jan 24, 2009 3:22 PM EST reply actions
WarChizicken,
Here is my fav Auburn blog:
http://aubarnie.blogspot.com/2009/01/great-traditions-of-alabammer-opelika.html
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jan 24, 2009 4:45 PM EST reply actions
As I sit here amongst the sun dappled ‘scape of a coastal rock garden in the sourth of France, I quest toward the coming nightshades and the dewy, pulsing promise of another night of prey and predator….wait. Sorry, got side tracked, wot? I read here where you’ve outed that hack Sharpspear or Steelmidnight, or whatever his name is. Get rid of him! He’s ruining it for the rest of us from MLS trying to make a buck. Not to mention poor Kenny Albert and Thom Brennaman.
by Damian Stormrider on Jan 24, 2009 11:42 PM EST reply actions
I don’t think it matters so much the name that Eric Crouch writes under, so long as he keeps churning out novels for lonely, middle-aged women to masturbate to…
He also directs porn under the name eric crotch…
by www.southbendblarney.com on Jan 25, 2009 6:05 PM EST reply actions
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